Philo Drummond

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Philo (pronounced FIE-low) Drummond, the world’s first SubGenius to be altered by alien technology into a Para human Overman, holder of the second most exalted rank in the Church of the SubGenius (surpassed only by J.R. “Bob” Dobbs himself), was born in 1945 near Houston, Texas! Philo, son of an itinerant Scots bagpipe player and an illegal Mexican farmworker, was placed by his poor mother in a wicker boat sealed with pitch and sent adrift downstream in an irrigation canal to escape the corporate deathsquads that had been sent by the evil criminal President-like overlord to kill the firstborn of all the poor downtrodden illegal aliens. Poor young Philo crying and wet in his little escape vessel was rescued and taken in by a Rosicrucian Gypsy Kabbalist family who nursed him, treated him with special herbs, taught him the black arts, hermetic curses and hexes too frightening and unsafe to mention in this forum, and other secret dreaded Illuminist conspiracy related necromantic crafts, and who ultimately re-united Philo with his true parents. Because his real father was also a “government special representative” to various foreign countries, Philo spent his youth on almost every continent of the world! This exposure to bizarre, non-American customs, combined with his own inherent mutanthood, produced, by the time his family resettled in Houston, a teenager already enlightened in the Mystic Rewardian Arts of Slack Abuse and Grutledge ! Although Philo somehow became an Eagle Scout, the “clean-cut” side of his personality was not always dominant, and after an alleged “close encounter” with a UFO at age 14, he began to exhibit bizarre (if hilarious) behavior and was expelled from at least one high school for “unbecoming conduct” and “highway mopery!” He began to develop crude psychic abilities, enabling him by age 16 to become a top weapons salesman for a huge multi-national corporation in the “communications field” where – while still a closet mystic – he received the “World’s Fastest Salesman” Award year after year! After a while boredom set in and Philo dropped out. For years, Philo wandered in what to the untrained eye was a seemingly aimless fashion the intent of which was known only to him. From one unrelated job to the next unrelated job, he eventually left the U.S.A. for an extended sabbatical, and it was rumored to have spent some time with Tibetan Lamas and even higher unnamed Muckety-Mucks. Some have said that he suffered some unmentionable accident while in Tibet, others have intimated that his unnamed alteration was performed strictly by intent. After his Tibet trip close asssociates noticed a change in Philo, yet none could ever put the alleged change in words. The most noticible change was his normally voracious appetite for knowledge increased 10-fold. His studies ranged from the ridiculous to the sublime. He studied the most esoteric tomes of hideous forgotten knowledge and lost secrets too insane to describe, as well as the cheesiest of grade Z pulp novels and Golden Age comic books. For more details see Philo's Personal Web Site at http://www.quiveringbrain.com Moving back to America,he was placed by his mentors in seemingly meaningless throwaway type jobs where danger lurked around every corner. Sadly, he had to waste so much of his youth and spend many of his formative years as a faceless corporate middle manager for a merciless multinational conglomorate until downsizing and low-handednesss in high-places rendered his continued services more than adequately complete. After the appropriate monkey-wrenching of the local servers and administrative control equipment, Philo sneaked out the secret backdoor of his own design with most of the corporate secrets crunched into tiny zip files which he continues to sell to this day to foreign competitors a few secrets at a time to keep the demand and his income up. (He was jailed briefly for mail fraud after moonlighting with a bogus mail-order novelty company disguised as a religion) Philo’s career as a super-salesman escalated; for a while he was a member of the Triple Six Club, one of the highest paid men in America! Finally, his training as a triple-agent for the Conspiracy was complete. Later, after joining forces with his college buddies, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, Ivan Stang, and L. Ron Hubbard, Philo created the world's first industrial religion, the Church of Scientific Algorithms. The church went nowhere fast by making enemies of the press, the government, everyone they met, and was hounded by the FBI, CIA, SEC, ROTC and several other quasi-governmental acronymic agencies. Soon, at Philo's incessant urging, L. Ron was finally forced out and then everything changed for the better. L. Ron Hubbard stole Philo's ideas and started the Church of Scientology. Not to be outdone, under Philo's seemingly inspired guidance, The Church of the SubGenius and its PR arm, the SubGenius Foundation, was formed, with "Bob" as the figurehead, and managed by the reknowned Wall Street financial guru, Ivan Stang. It is said that he hobnobbed with the likes of the Rockefellers and Gates and others upon many occasions, although he now denies this vehemently! All went well for Philo until 1969 when he reportedly had his second encounter with a UFO – this time all TOO close! Details of this event are unclear but Philo’s career hit the skids shortly thereafter! Believing himself to have been altered mentally, physically and psychically, he seems to have, for all intents and purposes dropped out of human society! See section on details of meeting Bob and Connie. By this time Philo had begun practicing his own unique version of Spinal Realignment Therapy known as Acubeating. Under “Bob’s” guidance, Dr. Drummond realized his full Abnormality Potential and pursues his own personal extremism to its divine Utmost. From '74 through '76 Philo was schooled by Tibetan Bobmonks in Excremeditation, Pyroflatulation, Nocturnastral Fornicationalism, The Spouting of Tongues, The Martian Arts of Grutledge and Mystic Sole Travel, The Masks of Insanity (which require mastery of facial metamorphoses as a non-violent way of frightening predators or pinks) and of course, the Curse of Nhee Ghee, a true scientific Hex Algorithm used to discombobulate the casual luck plane of one’s enemies! Under the scalpels of the Doktors for “Bob” (not the band, the real ones!) he underwent glandscaping, and the 9 Holy Henchmen brainhooked him into the soul-altering drug, Habafropzipulops -- known to many as the tobacco like substance that “Bob” smokes in his pipe -- “Bob’s” Court Trepenator finally opened Philo’s Third Nostril: the nosegland which reveals all secrets by letting the Adept whiffread the body’s aura-like psi-stench known by Holy Men as the Nental Ife! Following this painful subskull scrambling, Philo discarded his humanship and became the first “Bob”–made Overman, the Adam of the New Species – Homo Correctus! To date, this Monk of Bulldada, this totally hilariated Frop High Priest, has performed 1,018 miraculous healings, 6,544 marriages, 794 exorcisms, 350 seances, 14 sacifices, 475 smitings, literally countless casting-outs, 3,789 deflowerings, 75 cattle mutilations, 66 appliance healings, and over 9,000 deprogrammings! Most incredible of all: using his mystic sales ability and superstrength, he raised in 1 year over $43 million in foreign donations for the Church. After the holy Drummondian Reformation the Church of the Subgenius, (The church is thriving and actually going through a new growth spurt with new publications soon to be released) Philo grew restless again and rekindled his interests in Rock Stardom by starting various SubGenius musical collectives. In 1984; Doktors 4 Wotan. In 1985; 1000 Doktors. In 1985; The Swingin' Love Corpses; In 1986; Philo's Solo Albums; In 1987; while still touring with the Swingin' Love Corpses, Philo starts the following experimental groups: The Cups, Goat Family, Blissful Idiot, Swingin' Hate Corpses, Universe of Uncertainty, all the while collecting more records, tapes, obscure recordings, odd toys, weird musical instruments and effects devices Nowadays, when he’s not playing in a Band, hanging out with his true Yeti-Mate Kaosmik Bobcat, he might be found prophesying, doing past life readings, channeling the great philosophers, providing personality consultations to the wealthier SubGenius members! Together with Kaosmic Bobcat they are collaborating in a new venture which will include, children (at least one), music, art, history, power-saws, internet, car parts, unnamed other stuff and more. Philo's slacktime finds him cruising the streets in his new Muscle Truck while playing his music WAY too loud through speakers that should otherwise be outlawed, sometimes scouring the streets for musical instruments and practicing Tuvan Throat Singing. His plans for the future? His Tue-Yet Mate, Kaosmik Bobcat has delivered yet another of Philo’s mutant spawn – another purely biological Overman! The child is growing at an astounding rate and already is communicating through infant child language with brief but increasingly longer flurries of telepathy. Multiple clones of this drummondchild will soon be exposed to the Alignment Radiation expected to bombard this planet during the Space Warning Line-Up of 2007! Think of it: Hundreds of DrumMutants unleashed!! AAIIEEEE!! Surely nothing can stand in the way of this RELENTLESS CULT!! For more details on the history of the church of the SubGenius, see http://www.subgenius.com and for Philo's Personal Web Site Please Check out ttp://www.quiveringbrain.com and for Philo's Myspace Band Page go to http://www.myspace.com/philodrummondband BobsLunchHour

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