my nature, character, has always been one that demands intuition. perhaps demands too much of those around me. perhaps gives too much credit. not that those around me aren't worthy, but that i put too much expectation on everyone, including myself. i have discovered i idealize alot, i make things more than what they are. exaggerate. i exaggerate things. bigger than what they were, more colourful, faster, smarter, more intelligent, with more smell, with more presence, more rich or pungent, crunchier, tangible and palpable. my fault. ..of many, but a big one if my observations are clear.
another thing, this demand or idealism also means that i give out tons of clues to my life in the way, the careful way i say things. this is all times, all situations. only i hear the riddle and answer clearly. perhaps it is a game - or.. maybe a test to see if i can find myself in all those that i meet. of course no one can pass this test unless there is an exact copy of me, but that is nonsense because the exact copy would have to be exactly me. two me's existing in the same spot is just one me.
these clues and cryptic way i am, is the way i am. i look to see where it comes from in my life, it is difficult since it has existed for a long time. i feel it comes from having to entertain myself while developing through my childhood.
but this said, i embark on a new kind of journey. i have a short time to figure out how to translate it, create the key, the doorway for others to follow. maybe it can't happen. i'm probably just mad. but either way something will happen. something always happens.
"there is no theory. you have only to listen. pleasure is the law."
-claude debussy
lvoctu!
einiosaurus procurvicornis
pocket crumbs
my favourite starwars droids: power droid, 4-lom, r1-g4, r4-19, rd-d4, and cz-4
will stop to smell the clouds. a little bit of cloud tucked behind the ear helps the imagination.
likes tattoos (the draw on kind)
thus, is known (to some) as "mr. clean"
walks funny at times (due to avoiding bug squishy)
not a camera snoot. (a box is a box)
does not dance conventially
not a goer of concert or religion
likes play money
doesn't know own address, phone number, and at times forgets conventional linear age
sketches and doodles on favourite notecard sized post-it note
everyone who has ever known him, together, knows everything about him
has no history of drug or smoke. but, likes the smell of raw cigarette and likes the packaging as well
likes the liquor section/store because of the textures of light through glass and liquid
likes drinking from see-thru receptacles
can fly at will in dreams
still gets presents from santa but really doesn't speak about that much
loves doing laundry and especially loves the part about the little basket that keeps one's lint safe. warm laundry rooms or o-mats are fully of good comforts and feelings
some favourite smells: whitman play money, raw jack-o-lantern pumpkin, candle-heated pumpkin, old library books (too many varietes to list - don't have category names anyway), frozen cardboard pizza box, the exhale after a deep inhale outside in 40º or lower temperatures (both inhale and exhale through nose)
likes glassy winter-time candy dishes (especially with those peanut shaped ones and the ribbons)
i like being there to witness the ghosts of flame leaping to aspirations.
the sound of paper being cut (especially a heavy paper)
crumbs are the people i find true and lasting rhythm with. they are the leftovers and stray bits of the mass but no less than where they come from... humanity. the cookie-cut society is not what crumbs are a part of. they have broken off. they are overlooked because of the ground they keep. seemingly not worth much, but collect them together, forget to dust long enough, and those crumbs can make a wonderful mess of things in the niche, crook, and crawl-space of common refrain.
the crumbs of existence ever-changing in the pockets of our reality.
[sic], malapropisms, double entendre, euphemisms, analogies, anagrams, and other sorts like that.. i use these naturally, instinctually, sometimes on purpose but usually mistakenly - or are they mistakes?.. hmm... i just like word play.
when writing i do the same thing. this is why i would like you to know about [sic].
sic: intentionally so written -- used after a printed word or passage to indicate that it is intended exactly as printed or to indicate that it exactly reproduces an original i.e. "said he seed [sic] it all"
unsure if this has been coined already but i use this word alot and it came to be because the word "verbatim" just didn't fit: "occulatim" which i use to mean that something is "done as seen" or "as shown." being a visual person it is a good word to have, and to have others know the meaning of so they know what i'm talking about. fortunately this "word" is intuitively understandable.
when i speak i tend to enter without context or i lack segues.. this saying comes to mind as well..
brevis esse laboro obscurus fio (i labour to be brief, and i become obscure)
some more interests... [pops knuckles]
i have many that will quickly come out in conversation, but as i think of them i'll put the ones i can express in writing here.
two to start.. the process of expression is my toy. and i thrive on stories from my friends or those who would be my friends.
a favourite dinosaur
stegosaurus stenops
you'll catch me smelling all everything. not without thinking though, but it may look like it at times.
i find delight in discovering fingerprints left on things sent through the post mail.. especially from friends. makes me smile everytime.
i like seeing blue light cast off of dark brown wood.
golden age video arcades. the link takes you to one of the best single collections of golden age arcades i've ever been able to find anywhere. the story behind the collection is equally fantastic. it felt like every single emotion i had exploded when i realized that i had finally found what i had been looking for for so long. i can talk hours on the subject (arcades and the find), the culture, the emotion. reality bends on me when i enter that place of mind.
pac-man (specifically "pop-man" a bootleg chip that replaces pac-man with a yellow popeye head)
textures are appealing. my hands are not the only ones who indulge in the sensation of the various tooth.
urban cultural bits (what i call bituminal)
straw wrapper shooting - fantastic stuff
i find patterns inside security envelopes irresistible
story telling (i am a closet dramatic - "give me a quarter and i'll tell you your fortune")
i like rolling around (skates, boards, carpet, etc.)
i like the buzz of any kind of light.
looking at the world through a thick glass full of water and rotating on a swiveling chair, not too much though.. i get motion sick easily
which is why i can't watch many amateur or home movies or anything with too much jiggle - blair witch? barforama. go buy yourself a steadycam.
but on the other hand, i enjoy a good rollercoaster, my motion sickness is specific to certain motions. swinging back and forth, twirling around, jiggling, or too much head and eye movement while looking in antique or thrift stores, all do me in.
during the time i was a pixel-monkey, i developed a love for the pixel. finding a good pixel tool for the macintosh was difficult. but the below image will take you to the best pixel editor (in my opinion) for the mac.
"electric crumbs" ~ electronic expression in general. "electric squares" is what i call my pixel by pixel expressions.
using my body. i.e. moving around, breathing, jumping, making non-mouth noises, trying to find my blind spot, you know.
casual juggling (not of bills.. of balls)
food advertisements and old appliances.
at times i "snap" and buy comfort foods i'd long since thought to be uncomfortable: beef jerky, beef sandwiches, and greasy fast foods - i.e. onion rings, amoung others. oh yes, a good cheese. but i've been doing better lately. i'll do better futurely because i need this body to last me awhile.
the sound of coins falling through vending machine slots is pleasing to me.
old toasters (nothing a bagel can fit into)
public bathrooms and water closet culture. i am not shy to speak on this subject, everyone poops.
rootbeer (especially utilized in floats)
microwave cookbooks (inherently late 1970's) are neat to look at, but i can never bring myself to buy them. i think i just like the pictures. sometimes the typesetting and binding are neat, reflective of a design era sadly(my pov) fading away.
i like pictures of food and grocery stores.
i am hysterical about 60's and 70's (with a bit of the early 80's) picture frames - with the photo inserts.
i like the sound of any language being spoken through a yawn.
likewise, i am enamoured by the attempt at speach through laughter.
one more favourite dinosaur
allosaurus fragilis
i have an urge to buy old patterned towels from the 70's (especially green and orange ones). but i restrain myself (mostly).
every november first i go out with pockets full of magic lint. i offer it to the rotting gourd-flesh who do their best to keep the spook cast upon them. those that take my philtrey fibers find everlasting spook in special hollows of the heart.
i like to observe breath in cold or humid air.
expression. it is everywhere. and everyone has it. not just artists, not just writers, or whatever categorical word i can write here, all peoples. and iiiii like it!
interaction with minds, made vibrant by their similarities and differences but bonded by their understanding
crumbs
Music
the music i like is not by choice but by intuition. i collect the songs that stick to me. at least i do my best to collect them. some are quite evasive, much like butterfly or bug. mood and my intuitive gatherings seem to determine the music i gravitate towards as well as the pieces that become my favourites by way of average.
vost
some examples..
buckner and garcia and zdenek liska
vladimir visotsky and run dmc
billie holiday and blur(leisure)
lush and charlie mingus
solex and cinematic orchestra
daft punk and the jazz mandolin project
johnny cash and the afros
los lobos and de la soul
julieta venegas and goblin
sisters of mercy and debussy
michael andrews and 13th floor elevators
cab calloway and chicklet
the dresden dolls and kraftwerk
patsy cline and ladytron
i like scores alot. and alot of "ballet" or "children story" songs.
i also like scores to tom and jerry cartoons.
the bassoon is the velvet sewn beneath the sequins of fairy tale.
i like yodeling.
Movies
"parce que le français, c'est la langue du cinéma" – bernardo bertolucci
just like going to the restuarant, it is the experience that i enjoy. the movie comes second.
i love the zombie genre. my top favourites are "cemetary man," "les revenants," the original "dawn of the dead," and "planet terror."
i like the "performance art" that is "grindhouse." the experience it captures is profound to me. my imagination flies away with it.
and thanks to grindhouse, i've been reminded of my love for the grand and glorious vhs tape culture of the 80's. local video rental stores are fantastic. they used to be everywhere.
most of the videos i loved ended up being horror of some sort. cheesy to be sure, and usually with great cover art or some fabulous blend of what could now be called kitschy-80's layout and design.
some of my currently memorable favourites...
cine
14e arrondissement (from paris je t'aime)
about schmidt (basoon music and reminder of existence)
amelie (when exception meets love)
american beauty (the everyday of suburban struggles)
bande à part (nicely brewed)
battle beyond the stars (camp sci-fi with the man from u.n.c.l.e. and jon boy)
be kind rewind
being john malkovich (fun like playing in puddles on hot days)
blade runner (a reminder of existence in a timeless medium)
the brain from the planet arous (an air-filled balloon-brain with eyes)
cash back (art student works grocery job while thinking of nude women)
city of lost children (nicely sewn fabric of culture and visual food)
the conformist (finally officially available)
cosmos (we are all star stuff)
damnation (richly béla tarr)
days of heaven (cinematography mainly)
delicatessen (love captured with texture but check out "the mad butcher" too)
do pivnice (down to the cellar) (my favourite svankmajer film)
donny darko (great music with dark moods happy)
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind (heavy on the imagination with a side of thought provoking onion rings)
the explorers (superior wonderment and dream with robert picardo)
fiddler on the roof (heavy culture and plight)
gisele kerozene ("mad" stop-motion witches fight for idol)
the goonies (adventure with friends and pirates)
green slime (late 60's japan/american sci-fi . asteroid slime gets on spaceman . invasion movie with a good theme song
the groove tube (fun stuff-comedy)
harold and maude (good texture and the odor invention is great)
heartbeeps (quirky camp love story with robots)
hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy (space trek in pjs)
hra s kameny (a game with stones, my other favourite svankmajer film)
jídlo (food) (rich and satisfying)
kaiju daisenso (monster zero) (mizuno kumi, honda ishiro, and controller? what better)
the kentucky fried movie (teeth-sink culture)
the last starfighter (trailer park and a spaceship)
the legend of 1900 (fantastic legend)
loin du 16e (from paris je t'aime)
madame tutli putli (hopefully this short leads to more)
matango (mushroom monsters in black and white)
me you and everyone we know (cute and suburban)
moulin rouge (kitsch scenery and an underwood typewriter)
the neverending story (pure wonder)
ninja III the domination (ninjas in my home town)
office space (a reminder of insanity cultures . much like serum from venom)
otaku no video (wonderment and friends)
pollock (self-doubting starving artist who dies)
postriziny
real genius (fun times and cars in dorms)
the science of sleep (wonderment and dreams)
sílení (lunacy)
somewhere in time (love)
spiklenci slasti (conspirators of pleasure)
star wars (theatrical release - including cinematic ratio)
stations of the elevated (relaxing cultural portfolio)
street trash (twilight b-movie high-gore horror - excellent . top choice)
the stuff (b-movie horror cheese)
tron (best capture of arcade culture on film)
tunnel vision (too classic for words . a must see)
van gogh (in french and its set in the golden age of the "starving artist" - and he dies)
the video dead (television zombies in b-movie flavours)
war games (classic hacking)
weird science (goofy camp 80's where nerds with bra-on-head gets girls and cars)
the wrath of khan (friendship) - indeed, a usually-pick-me-up movie for emotion, much like a strawberry smoothie is when i'm ill.
yeah right! (magic pink board is my favourite "part" - spike jonze)
Television
old ones are warm and neat. but be ware of their controlling gaze.
once i was chased by several consol sets and a few cart-mounts. it took nearly three blocks before they ran out of extension cable. they still have my atari 5200 too. shoot, they still have my 5200! ahh, oh well.
but i've noticed many people have very strong stances against t.v. why pick on the poor t.v.? it is simply another tool. a thing. just like myspace, a car, a gun, a bowl, food. it is the mind of the person using it that gives these tools definition.
some shows i have liked:
you can't do that on television
paddington bear
simon in the land of chalk drawings
pinwheel
mysterious cities of gold
my four favourite tom and jerry cartoons:
dog trouble
the night before christmas
trap happy
mouse in manhattan
my favourite cartoons are the mgm tom and jerry cartoons. i also like the goofy "how to" and "art of" cartoons. but tom and jerry are really funny to me, have fantastic backgrounds, expressions, and the detail in the animation and attention to subtle details really makes them my favourite.
my favourite television segment is "billy joe jive" by john and ted shearer.
i like seeing the blue conversation of televisions through windows.
Books
books are wonderful. the smell; the read. but so dang heavy. they are great with a friend of frequency, but a comfortable piece of furniture, some bits of light, and some nice old vacuum tubes to keep you warm by, would be nice as well.
ed emberley
Heroes
i have never had any heroes in my life. equally i have no idols or other this types. however, i do have inspirations. and i believe that the individual is a reflection of the whole, and the whole is infinite.
i am sometimes coffee, sometimes tea. i feel better with tea. i like driving through neighborhoods rather than free and high ways. garden hoses, in their various positions, are neat to see in the yards i drive by. chain link fence tickles my mind as i motor by. random stray garbage bags ducking out of casual sight, in easter egg-like behaviour, find the fancy of my peripheral.
my dreams grow from avocado trees that live near the edge of upholstery.
my mind is tied into a reality that exists in all of us. a place slightly above imagination.
it will follow you around with continual epiphany, clarity is your alternator.
this is where my mind rests. this is where i live. at times this reality of mine manifests in ways not so favourable to some, wonderful to others. but that is what it is to be human. not always guaranteed to be understood, accepted. but that doesn't stop who you are. you still speak. there are those that can hear.
i enjoy who i am, where i am, but i also look forward to futures and reminisce in pasts. i am organic with a static shadow. i have ideals but i have blank pages as well. i am a glitsch with it's head in the clouds and feet on the ground.
i love to listen to the stories of grand tailors as they push-and-pell through their fabric creations. i rest on the loom of giants as they fettle-and-finze the fringe of their greige, talking all-the-while about the nonsense of little folk who worry about the littlest things. they reason that it must be the size of things to fill ones pocket so. and i watch, with eyes-delicious, the kneads of master bakers in the forte of their notes. with song upon dough and water, their touches of sweet and excitement feed my mind with grok-made delights.
and my words are like dry snow. the bits and pieces you read never becoming big enough for the glory of snowman or ball - but snow, just the same. and snow is good. lots of snow is good. and sooner or later it will stick. and my snowman will walk - my snowball fly.
i am typing. you are reading. what would have happened without this medium we both look through? i appreciate the connection we've made here. are we so separate?
a modicum of maudlin entertains my heart. perhaps a bit more than just a taste. i do enjoy the story of melancholy.
don't let the hum of the universe roll by without a smile. a smile is wholesome and spectacular. they are stylish and are not costly. they go good with friends, jokes, memories, foods, nonsense, and all that kinds.
paint your intuition
the midnight grocery store. with all the people gone you can hear the condensors rumbling, the air moving.
my daughter took time out of her busy doings to come see what i was up to. (kc la strada dell arte from a handful of years ago)
Who I'd like to meet:
...those who i will meet.
there is no pressure to speak or not speak. just be. and in being, and in meeting, you and i - "we" create a new dynamic. we are continously being influenced even if we think we are living in isolation or away from influence. and as humans we have a need for community - even if we hate the idea of being around people.
and so, i believe that communication, in some form or another, is essential to our being; to us actually "being" here. existence is, regardless of ourselves. to embrace that and enjoy it by way of our awareness, our intellect, is an added bonus, or joy. much like how the wind blows "just so" making an already perfect day more perfect; and not because of the sensation of the physical wind but because, in addition to the sensation, you were given an added perceptive layer of memory and recollections that enhanced the experience.
i do not think to draw attention to myself but it cannot be helped. i stand out in public places because i "dance" (or rather, move funny) while i go from here to there; i make spaceship noises and other sound fx noises, not to mention the plethora of gibberish i keep (a combo influenced by spanish, japanese, russian, a bit of german and probably some french too). so i seem to be a contradiction.
the process is what i thrive on. the moment. life as it happens. i like being able to move myself from here to there, interact with people, have relationships, breath air, take out my garbage, pay my taxes.
when i am working (by myself or with others) i am happiest. it is exhilirating. i get into trouble when the process is over. that is when i am most vulnerable. when i am easily sucked into depression and nothingness.
halloween sticks to my bones. (i do not like the seasonal jack skellington make-over for the haunted mansion.
myspace avoids many boundries that isolate people in real life. so take the opportunity and introduce yourself to as many people you feel there is a remote chance of connecting with. i suppose if you are reading this far that you will agree that there are few of those chances coming up in your browsing and searching. a bit annoying at times isn't it? eye rolling? sighing? that's me too. but it is no different in the real world is it? and isn't it all fun anyway?
you'll meet many people with chips on their shoulders who are out to prove and establish themselves as serious contenders who are certain of who they are. they, who want to be so different from everyone else but belong at the same time. we are all relatively the same. it is just a matter of finding those you connect with. those that share the "right" elements of experience, desire, interests, style, mood, or whatever it may be. there is no rule to follow, no template to apply. what works for one person may never work exactly that way for any other person ever to live. there are so many variables that the possible combinations near the side of endlessness.
don't give up. challenge your instinct. instinct helps you at times but sometimes instinct teams up with fear and can keep you from exploring, from wonderment, from invention, from life. instinct is a slippery thing that sneaks around right under your conscious.. learning things for you without you even knowing it. some good some bad. so if nothing else you'll meet all sorts of people. and if you are an observer like me then what could satisfy that more? and that is not a rhetorical question either. i am a novice always looking to learn new things.
beyond their early 20's, i feel most people's wonderment ends up pretty much looking like this...
somehow there are those few who still see it this way...
there are memories that are absorbed to intuition and integrity. experiences that, in some way, make up who you are.
and there are those moments and times that you've never known before. but may easily forget or take for granted long after they've come and perhaps gone.
upholstered green rhinos happily await the whispering snow
hello friend.. sending wishes to you for sweet dreams and candy kisses to give the nightmare givers.. tell em they are from me the kiss queen. muhahaha i coated em good with a laxative!!!
if i mailed you a little girls shirt would you let your daughter wear it? i want a pint-sized fan in another state sporting braaiins material. that would be super cool.
Have you seen the trailer for "The Wackness"... it's supposed to be a hip hop coming of age story set in NYC during 1994.. I think the title pretty much sums up what I think of it...
