Laurel Kane

George Carlin:
"The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept,"
"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood,"
"Religion is just mind control,"
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live,"
"If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter,"
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that,"
"I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade,"
"No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it,"
"Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?"
"Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place? There’s such balance in nature,"
"Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers,"
"I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences,"
"“No comment” is a comment,"
"If the cops didn’t see it, I didn’t do it!"