Grailseeker

About me:

I am a Gemini; my life is defined by dichotomy. I have a deep-rooted desire to communicate; yet, I'm extremely introverted and find that most of my communication is with myself. When I allow myself to care, I care too much; yet, I am easily angered and lash out at those I care about the most. I am intelligent, creative, and I love to learn; yet, I lack the motivation to put the intelligence, creativity, and knowledge to useful purpose. I am spiritual, although not too religious, and I feel a deep connection to the invisible aspects of the universe; yet, I am easily distracted by this transitory material world. I am opinionated and have a firm sense of justice and equality; yet, I suffer from anxiety disorder and find myself worrying too much to speak out about or act upon those things with which I disagree. I am the opposite of myself, both thesis and antithesis; I expect great things to happen if ever I manage to synthesize the two.

I am a seeker of the True Grail, the Grail that shines with the Holy Light. I am a seeker, a knight, but by no means perfect, and I am on constant guard against the distraction and temptation presented by false lights, mere grail-shaped beacons. I believe in the power of the Elements, of Angels and Daemons, and of the Godhead in all Its aspects. I believe in the power of Man and of Woman, both separately and together.

I believe in the evolution of the Spirit. I believe that humanity as a whole, and each individual comprising the species, is here to learn and evolve, to progress toward perfection--no matter how long that may take, no matter how many lives a soul must live. I look around, and I see depravity and cruelty; I see the forces of Evil at work in the world. I also see kindness, and gentleness, and love, and I see Good. I see these coexist in our species as a whole and in each individual, including myself. I look around, and I see that we are very far from perfection, and yet there is hope.

I believe that time and space are illusions. It is only our limited capacity that imprisons us within these illusions. We are one with the Universe, with the Godhead, and with each other. We are One. When we love others, we love ourselves; when we hate others, we hate ourselves; when we help others, we help ourselves; when we hurt others, we hurt ourselves. I believe all of these are necessary for the Universe as an entity, the Godhead, to know Itself. Through our experiences, It experiences; through our gaining of wisdom, It gains wisdom; through our journey toward perfection, It slowly moves toward perfection Itself.

I am complex. This brief description barely begins to define me. Like all individuals, I am a mixture of both Ego and Self. I have described my Self, that part of me that lies deep within and remains connected to the invisible world. On a strictly physical, material level, I am also a poet, a philosopher, a husband, a father, a man struggling to lead the best life he can. I exist partly in this physical realm, and so I recognize its importance. I try to balance my quest toward spiritual evolution with the mundane matters of that which we call life. Often they overlap. Sometimes, they go hand in hand. Sometimes, they conflict. Sometimes, discord and harmony struggle with each other, side by side, face to face, in a single event or series of events. These are the most difficult to face, but they are the best learning experiences. These are the ones that leave me astounded at the universe, recognizing within it both a simple complexity and a complex simplicity. These are the ones that are the most painful, and yet the most pleasurable. These are the ones that teach me the most, further me the most along my journey. Such violent events reach deep within the soul and offer two choices: One can become stronger, or one can be broken. I am not broken yet.