Maria Carvell

.. hope's story

Once upon a time, there was a girl, and her name was Maria. She was happy, amazing, wonderful girl, who loved Roy very very... very much. In fact, her love for Roy was sort of malignant.

Yea. Like, cancer, or... a tumor.

Anyway, we're getting off topic here. She was in love with Roy, a lot. Still a bit creepy, but, whatever. Well, one day, her mom said:

"MARIA YOU CAN'T TALK TO PEOPLE ON THE COMPUTER OR THEY WILL COME KIDNAP YOU AND YOU WILL DIE BECAUSE THEY WILL COME TOUCH YOU AND GIVE YOU CHLAMYDIA OR SOME BULLSHIT, SO GET OFF THE COMPUTER, PUT ON THIS LITTLE RED HOOD, AND TAKE THIS BASKET OF COOKIES AND DILDOS TO MR. ROY'S HOUSE."

Well, Maria, being an obsessive little girl who read way to much fucking manga, and who seriously just needed some fucking mental help said to her internet friends:
"OMG OMG BAI YOU GUYZ I GOTTA TAKE COOKIES AND DILDOS TO ROY'S HOUSE LOLOL. AND HE'S ABOUT 89003974 TIMES BETTER THEN YOU GUYS. BAIII."

And faster then Edward in bed, she hoped off the computer, snatched the red hood and the basket from her mom and ran out the door before her mom could say another word.
While she walked quickly away from her house, she observed the hood, and she said;

"WHAT THE FUCK THIS FUCKING SHIT IS LAME. I CAN'T WEAR THIS TO SEE ROY."

The hood, which was pretty fucking ridiculous, suddenly (magically) became a red jacket! A red jacket just like one worn by a certian bean! Maria, being an obsessive fangirl, proceeded to nearly piss herself (nearly people, nearly). Then her small, pretty much one track mind, realized something pretty damn amazing.
"Ohmyfuckinggod," Maria thought, "in this jacket, Roy might be in such a sexual frenzy, that he'll confuse me for Edward!"

Of course, all of us out here in real people world know that Roy could only confuse her for Edward if she shrank, and bleached her hair. BUT! Maria, being a genius, stopped on the way to Roy's, had surgery to make herself shorter, and had an amazing hair job done by a transvestite. Looking incredibly like Edward, she finally continued on towards Roy's house, basket of cookies and dildos in hand.

FINALLY, after all this, she finally arrived, ringing the doorbell once and trembling with anticipation. She waited, waited, waited, and rang the doorbell again, and then, the unexpected happened. Who should answer the door but EDWARD HIMSELF.

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU." Edward exclaimed, but glancing in the basket, he quickly fell quiet at the site of cookies and dildos all mixed in a delicious bundle.
Maria, shocked by Edward answering the door, and completely thrown off by this ridiculous plot twist, stood there with her mouth open, looking very much like a fucking stupid goldfish. Stupid Maria.

Edward, coming out of his fantasies of what he and Roy could do to each other with cookies and dildos, blinked himself back to earth and grinned at Maria, moving out of the way so that she coud enter the house that smelled very much like some strange sort of drug that was probably illegal.

And can you guess what happened?

That's right.

THEY HAD AN ORGY.

Then, realizing Maria was so much better at sex then Edward, Roy sent him to live out on the streets, ALONE, POVERTY STRICKEN, WHERE HE CAUGHT CRABS FROM A TRANSVESTITE HOOKER.

Three days later, Edward died of AIDS. Boo hoo.

Maria and Roy however lived a very happy life together, and eventually Roy stopped calling her 'Edward' during sex, and after several 'accident abortions down the stairs and drinking the stuff under ths sink', Maria had a set of quintuplets. They each looked amazing, like Roy and herself. And she named they each Roy. Except the girl, who Maria drowned in the bathtub. No body wants fucking girls. They get pregnant and that's some bullshit.

.... the end. :D.

That's basically all you need to know