Oh I've lived a strange and sordid life. Really the story I have to share is only appropriate for a forum as grave and meaningful as MySpace.
My childhood was I suppose typical. Performing unspeakable experiments in squirrel reanimation. Inventing the polio vaccine. Playing with blocks.
It wasn't until my years as a stowaway on a China bound cargo ship that my life really started to get off track. You see, with all the cargo containers full of slaves coming into the U.S., there is a great need for enterprising young adventurers to sign up for the return trip to help take care of the abducted blond model/slaves. Well we weren't 3 days into our voyage before pirates boarded and took control. The entire crew was killed, but because of my age I was allowed to live.
The pirate captain was the first to recognize my natural pirate talent and took me under his wing to fully develop my pirate arts. Swashbuckling, swearing, saying 'yah'r'... all the fundamentals. After advanced lessons in raping and pillaging of horses and women, I was entrusted with command of a small row boat. Because of my relationship with the pirate captain, the other long time pirate underlings never fully trusted me and did everything they could to stop the progress of my career. Seeing that there was no winning in this antagonistic environment, I took my new found pirate skills to other waters.
I had met another pirate, Floyd, at the McDonalds in a suburban San Diego Walmart who told tales of great fortunes found in the seas near Nigeria. So, needing a new start, I shipped out for new prospects.
There were great fortunes to be found in Nigeria. We raped and pillaged Cruise ship after Cruise ship. All was well. I had stolen so many medicare cards and QVC jewelery that I would never really need to work again. But the thrill of the game kept me going back for more.
That was until anti-piracy technology caught up to us. There we were, me and my crew of scurvy cutthroats, about to board a brand new cruise ship anchored near our pirate hideout. Just as we started to close in, a deafening sound floored us and we were forced to turn back. Some damn American company invented a non-lethal sonic weapon to repel us pirates. Such a weapon was so underhanded, I was disheartened with the whole industry. There was just no honor left. Bastards.
So I've retired back to America, just hanging out meeting people. That's as far as my life story has gotten so far. The end. Oh yeah, I moonlight as a fighter pilot, Nascar driver and I have a scar.
Do visit my web page.
My score on
The 3 Variable Funny Test:
the Cutting Edge((61% dark, 53% spontaneous, 31% vulgar))your humor style:CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK
Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top.Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi
The 3-Variable Funny Test!
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