Tom Waits is actually the spawn of Satan, so he makes some damn fine music. Bob Dylan slurs much. The Decemberists are nautical-themed. The Rolling Stones are old. Pearl Jam is surprisingly old. Less Than Jake have rusty trombones. Elliott Smith makes me sad. Wilco is from Chicago. I heard of Modest Mouse when they were only "indie" popular. Pinback is a duo. Led Zeppelin's drummer is dead. Hum never got the respect they deserved. PJ Harvey would punch me if she knew me. The Cowboy Junkies would bathe me, keeping the bruise to a minimum. Flogging Molly reminds me of beating children. No Use For A Name are underrated. NOFX keeps kickin'. Tool scared me in high school, but not anymore. The Strokes are full of malaise. The Distillers scream in key. Urge Overkill, what happened to you? I saw Weezer once ... not the Tenacious D show, though ... damn! The White Stripes are pale. The Flaming Lips are psychadelic. The Beatles were pretty alright. The New Pornographers don't show nudity. I like every Smashing Pumpkins album, EVERY one. Sublime never reached their peak. And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of The Dead is a damn long name. The Killers sound like Franz Ferdinand. Radiohead keeps getting better and better. Eleni Mandell reminds me of Tom Waits, except with a girl's voice. The Gorillaz make me feel blacker, even though they're led by a cracker like myself. Sufjan Stevens almost made me cry twice. Spoon is pretty good, you know, for being Canadian and all. The Dresden Dolls make goth chicks attractive, if only briefly. Frank Black's solo work is better than his Pixies career. Wolfmother are neither wolves nor mothers. I'm not going to defend all of Springsteen, but that "Seeger Sessions" album is pretty awesome.
Movies
Things that are good.
Television
Watching TV is kind of like masturbating. You like the fact that your mind is turned off while doing it; but you feel so ashamed afterwards. And the shame is just another turn-on, leading to more and more masturbation. And, pretty soon, all of your socks are dirty and your tissues are used, and you're scared to spread Mayo on your home-made turkey sandwich because you blacked out and aren't completely sure that you didn't use the closest empty bottle as a collecting jar for your sperm.
Books
Reading is for pussies. And vaginas. And those without scrotums.
Michigan State University
East Lansing, MICHIGAN
Graduated: 2004
Student status: Alumni
Degree: Bachelor's Degree
Major: Telecommunications, Advertising
Clubs: Also a Film Minor. Like Dawson. He's so gosh-darn cute!
when i opened up the paper today and saw that it was alexis bledel's birthday, i realized that it was also someone else's special day - nick jonas! you know, from the jonas bros. so hot. anyways, happy september 16.
tonight some guy told me that nick swisher was the next barry zito and i almost ripped the guy's throat out and you might've been proud. had you been there. i hate A's fans with el pasion. they're delusional. hence the harden jersey.
These days there’s dudes getting facials Manicured waxed and botoxed But with deep spray on tans and creamy lotioney hands You can’t grip a tackle box With all of these men lining up to get neutered It’s hip now to be feminized I don’t highlight my hair I’ve still got a pair Yeah, honey I’m still a guy My eyebrows ain’t plucked Theres a gun in my truck Thank God I’m still a guy
i like food and i think nick swisher is sexy. i'm in! wait, is that A.J. guy still around? you should take me to a white sox game when you come visit me or vice versa.
aw someone else beat me to the story. i don't think i want to be an A's fan anymore. its like breaking up with a handful of good people every year. not my style. teach me everything i need to know bout yer sox.
ohhhhh... THAT meat plate. what can i say? i miss my chili dogs... that's why i make fake chili dogs any chance i get. at least i still like real sports and not that fake shit. give credit where credit is due. and then visit me.
Love the mushroom clouds. I feel so happy and gay looking at them. Fills me with peace...Do I detect a pattern here...a sketch about there being no heaven...nuclear mushroom clouds...do you have a dark sense of humor? Are you, dare I say it, athiest? Well, whenever I'm tired of having sweet dreams and wish to have nightmares before I go to bed, I won't listen to Marilyn Manson's screaming, I won't eat chocolate, read a Dean Koontz novel, watch a war flick, or consult the devil on my my oija board, no, no, no, I'll just check out the pics on your site. AND KABOOM!!!!!!!! I'll be dreaming apocalypse in no time!
