Ricky Bobby

About me:

I wanna go fast.

Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Allah! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft to get the fire off me! Help me, Oprah Winfrey!

I can't control my heart rate, I've got a cougar on me!

Momma, I'm goin' fast!

If you don't chew Big Red, then fuck you.

This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons.

I sent in my application to The Real World, and I'm pretty much putting all of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket.

If my MTV career doesn't work out, I was thinking I'd buy a gun and become a crack dealer. I wouldn't be, like, a mean crack dealer... a nice one. I'd just be like 'Hey guys, what's up? Want some crack?'

98% of people will die sometime in their lives.

Dear Lord Baby Jesus, watching your Baby Einstein developmental... videos, still learning your colors and shapes...

Dear eight pound, six ounce, newborn Baby Jesus in your golden, fleece diaper...

...and I quote the late, great, Colonel Sanders: "I'm too drunk...to taste this chicken."

Are we about to get it on? Because I'm harder than a diamond in an ice storm right now.

It stipulates in my contract that I must mention Powerade at each grace, so I just want to say that Powerade is delicious, it cools you off on a hot summer day, and we're all looking forward to the release of Powerade's new flavor, Mystic Mountain Blueberry.

The room is spinnin' real fast...I think it's cause of...cause of all the gayness.

(Looking under the hood of his race car) Holy moly, that's like lookin' up Yasmine Bleeth's skirt!

Yep, I'm flyin' through the air, this is not good.

(to his father-in-law) The only good thing you ever did in your life was make a hot daughter.

(to Girard) I'm comin' after you, Pepe Le Bitch!