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Rigel 7 is the seventh planet in the Rigellian system. Duh. Our mission: to transmit our dangerous, radioactive electronic music directly onto your primitive Internet. Any attempts to defend yourselves will be interpreted as an act of aggression. So, tune in. Turn it up. Or the planet gets it.
THE SCIENCE OF NOISE
Rigel 7 employs the latest technology in its musical experiments: string theory, cold fusion, tesla-coils, and the infamous "Zeta-ray" which, coincidentally, destroyed your planet's second moon in 21,314 B.C. Sorry.
Three centuries later, our experiments with plutonium nitrate produced what you now call sub-bass. Ever since, our neighbors on Talos 6 have demanded that we "turn it down." To patch things up, we sent them a stripper-gram and a casserole. No good. So, we invited them to our last rave - it lasted some two-hundred years. We're cool now.
To be clear, the population of Rigel 7 is preoccupied, obsessed even, with music. Like Beethoven, Strauss, and Jandarius of Delos III, we see other activities as mere distractions from this craft. We don't play shows. We don't advertise. We shun your planet's silly music industry.
For our anti-social behavior, we are liberated - free to do as we please. We are bound to no genre, no audience and no message. We are irreverent, as your 1970s punk rock. We are sensitive, as your emasculated 1980s new wave. We are both genius and stupid, like the great poet, Juiblex of Omicron Seti 3. We are artistic and shock-value. We are animal and vegetable. We are self-exploring and ever-changing. We know not what we are nor what we will be. We are and will always be Rigel 7.
WHO'S THE BALD GUY?
That's Dave - our official mouthpiece on planet Earth. To avoid toll charges and a repeat of the whole Roswell thing, our music is transmitted to your world through the mind of one earthling. By day, Dave is a computer programmer. By night, he fights crime in tight pants and channels our planet's music onto your primitive Internet.
To tell a secret, subspace communications are hilariously dangerous - his brain is likely to explode at any moment. Think "party popper," but wetter. This may explain his eccentric behavior, though we're not entirely sure he wasn't made that way to begin with. Anyhoo, we recommend a safe perimeter. Avoid eye contact. Keep moving.
A BRIEF HISTORY OF TIME
Rigel 7's inaugural web site was launched in 1996 of your Earth calendar. Pioneering for its day, the web site featured dynamic, database-driven content, streaming audio and 99-cent MP3 downloads. It achieved respectable popularity, thanks largely to web design awards received from Yahoo!, CompuServe, Cool Sightings, and a few others. For this, we are eternally grateful.
Unfortunately, efforts to capitalize on this success fizzled. Rigel 7 could neither negotiate, bribe nor proposition licensing for the audio samples we had poached from your planet's media broadcasts through the years. Consequently, online sale of our MP3s was deactivated and the proposed 'Trekno Dance Party CD' was unceremoniously canned.
Deflated, Rigel 7 spent much of the next decade exploring other corners of the galaxy and tinkering with newfangled audio workstation technologies. Those efforts can mostly be described as one giant blue-screen-of-death (BSOD). [Is it any wonder Windows is banned in seven galaxies?] In the latter part of the decade, the technology became safe to operate without eye protection or skin cream. What's more, blogging, podcasting, and peer-based file sharing have rekindled our imaginations. It's time to get busy.
For the purposes of historical archiving and public reference, the rogue tracks from Rigel 7's early, uninformed years are available from this website and certain peer-based networks for free download. Respective copyright owners and representatives are encouraged to contact us. We will respect and respond promptly to your requests.
WHY OUR MUSIC IS FREE
There comes a time in every planet's life-cycle to ask, "what's it all about?" For a thousand years, we meditated on this question and concluded that our favorite food is pork barbeque and, more importantly, that we enjoy making music above all else; that given the time and the money, it is what we do. But without the time or the money, or even social acceptance, it is still what we do; if perhaps less of it.
Your earth culture rewards a handful of cosmetically-gifted "musicians" with fame, fortune and mating rights. On Rigel 7, we need not such things, thanks to replicators and the Orgiplex. All we need to keep going is a little love. With enough, we can quit our day jobs but, either way, we're good.
In the interest of self-preservation, commercial use of Rigel 7's music requires permission. Don't be afraid to ask. Our licensing department - that's Dave again - is easily flattered and accepts most offers, including barter of tickets, fine wine, Orgiplex upgrades, anything. Give'm a jingle!
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