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MY LIFE IN SHOWBIZ – A BRIEF GUIDE

In 1974 I wrote three songs.

In 1975 I won a heat of the Melody Maker Rock Contest and figured
I must be the new Dylan. Yaaaaahooo! Fame and an indecent fortune beckoned. I wrote more songs, played floor spots in a Cheltenham folk club, formed an ad hoc band, the Strolling Players, made my first demos and hawked the tapes around record companies and music publishers.
A chance encounter with Freddie Mercury was most helpful.

'The soloists’ section was won convincingly by Roy Hill whose original compositions, 'Join Me' a bitterly ironic song about a potential suicide,
'Living On Memory Lane’ a savage and hilarious look at a family living
in a nostalgic wonderland and the poignant ‘Still Waiting’ revealed him
to be a writer of substantial talent.' Allan Jones: Melody Maker.

In 1976 I signed with Arista Records and Island Music. Bingo! Arista would make me a star, Island would ensure my songs were recorded
by the worlds’ major artists. Hurrah! I wrote excitedly, made more demos, played bigger stages with the Strolling Players and prepared
for life as a pop icon.

'There were demo tapes by Roy Hill that sounded good enough to release; tough, spare, inexorable urban laments full of sexual and
social grief.' Donald Clarke: The Rise and Fall of Popular Music.

CDS ON SALE NOW - SEE END OF PAGE

In I977 I recorded my first album with former Elton John producer,
Gus Dudgeon and a host of top session men. It was as an expensive
and overblown affair but it would have been churlish to complain when
I was the only one there I hadn’t heard of. Any hope of working with
some Strolling Players was dashed by Gus's ability to locate and destroy unknown musicians from a distance of several miles. Saxophonist,
Bimbo Acock, survived by disguising himself as Lulu. An appearance
on So It Goes provided brief respite from anecdote hell.

It's impossible to do justice to the very colourful time I spent with 70's superstar producer and all-round megalomaniac, Gus Dudgeon, in this brief guide. Shame.

In 1978 the daringly named and much hyped Roy Hill was released to
a critical mauling. A newly assembled Roy Hill Band supported Strawbs and Styx on UK tours, recorded a session for the John Peel Show and appeared on Revolver. Club and college dates attracted further withering disdain. Two singles, Marionettes and Georges Bar, sank without trace. Nothing was going to plan but it was fun. What plan? The year ended with
a trip to Canada where Roy Hill was more politely received.

...........

Click here to watch Piccadilly Lights Revolver video.

Click here to watch Radio Revolver video.

High hopes are rising in young hearts today
as pen approaches dotted line
the flashbulbs flow, wide smiles are fixed
and the executives sign
A deal is made with Deadweight Records and Tapes
a knowing groom, a blushing bride
now all that talk of instant fame
can just be pushed to one side
- MARIONETTES

Georges Bar ...'diluted calypso drivel.' NME.

'Hill scores nil.' Des Moines: Sounds.

'Roy Hill has all the excitement of Julie Andrews singing with her head buried in a bucket of sand.' Donna McAllister: Sounds.

In 1979 as I continued touring to a chorus of howling disapproval my next offering I like I like I like, produced by Davy Rohl, became ... an NME single of the week! A second John Peel session was followed by
a live set on Radio One's In Concert with Dire Straits and three sell-out shows at Riverside Studios in London. The reviews got favourable,
the tide was turning. Happy days were here again.

'I like the way Roy Hill takes the piss out of rock and roll's sexual mores, social manners, tribal customs, etc ... and what I would really like is for the rest of the world to quit this Roy Who? bullshit and recognise the geezer as one of our greatest songwriters with no eyebrows raised.'
Tony Parsons: NME.

'A band able to handle any number of mood shifts as their employer goes cavorting off round the stage.' David Hepworth: Sounds.

'I haven't enjoyed a rock show so much for ages. How can such a man fail to become a star?' Dave Gelly: The Observer.

In 1980 I was dropped by Arista and Island, a chastening experience, and just when everything was going so well. Ex-Arista General Manager and staunch ally John Cooper helped me look for another deal, nothing doing. A reputation as a sharp tongued prima donna with a propensity
for biting the hand that fed me didn't help. Dazed and probably drunk
I joined a version of Strawbs which included four members of my own band. Don't ask. Mercifully for everyone involved it only lasted three weeks.

I wouldn't wish to give the impression it was all work and no play. I was very open to distractions, really very open. I drank beer once and ran around with my trousers off for several weeks, a frightful business.

'I never thought Roy was much good.' Pat from next door.

...........

2008 World Tour trailer.

In 1981 The Roy Hill Band started playing in pubs. It was fun, but not
as much fun as it had been. A single, Vancouver Nights, was released
by Attic Records in Canada, From The Bottom Of My Heart, co-written with Chas Cronk, came out on Scratch Records in the UK. They didn't
get into any charts, I don't think they actually got into any shops.

It faded, it was gone.

Cue funereal music.

Every Strolling Player, every member of The Roy Hill Band brought something good to the table. Country boys, city slickers, space cadets, funkateers, shy types, awkward types, all types. Some I knew from my teens, some came and went. John Acock was an endless fund of help and goodwill; Bimbo Acock, top man, dynamite player; Bob Critchley, grand companion, great drummer; Chas Cronk and I have been friends and cohorts since 1978; Gary, Richie, Mike, Kevin, Ross, Colin, Jamie, Steve, David, Tony, John, I learned something from all of you and look where it got me.

END OF PART ONE

In 1982 I recorded an album of songs with airline pilot and sound engineer Nigel Stokes, in his basement studio, with a host of guest musicians. It was a happy and heartening experience. I hawked the
tapes around and acquired a manager, Jim Beach, renowned for his success with Queen. Fame and indecent fortune beckoned. This time there would be no mistakes.

Saturday night and the clock strikes ten
Marie sits crying like a fool once more
wondering just how long she'll wait
before he comes knocking on the door
It's not as if it's the only time
Eddie's taken to breaking her heart
she could look for somebody else
but she wouldn't know where to start
- WITHOUT EDDIE

In 1983 I signed to Warner Bros Music who would ensure my songs
were recorded by the worlds’ major artists. Jim Beach would get me
a new record deal in no time. Happy days were here again. I began working with producer David Richards at Queen’s Mountain Studios
in Montreux, Switzerland, another happy experience.

In 1984 I recorded songs in Switzerland, I recorded songs in London,
I wrote with French disco star Patrick Juvet, I wrote with ex-Genesis guitarist Anthony Phillips. Chrysalis Records showed interest until
I recorded some tracks for them. I made a 'showcase' appearance in a 'fashionable' London nightclub with a hastily assembled band, nobody came, nobody missed anything. Jim and I parted company. I was dropped by Warner Bros. David Richards began working with Queen.

END OF PART TWO

Buddy's being questioned by the SS department of the DHSS
but he don't cry no more
Are you sure you didn't work this week, last week,
next week, no, no, yes, yes?
but he don't cry no more
A big man in a Tory skirt
spewing out worthless gratuitous dirt
hitting little Buddy where it used to really hurt
but he don't cry no more
- CRY NO MORE

In 1985 I played some shows with Chas Cronk at The Mulberry Tree,
a pub in Twickenham. The shows turned into a weekly residency, and
we turned into Cry No More. Sunday night took on a life of its own, part music, part bearpit, a drop-in centre for moral delinquents, a cabaret
for the disposessed. Moi? We were joined occasionally by moustachioed keyboard wizard Nick Magnus, against his better judgement. Everyone talked a lot and had nosebleed. It was fun. We released a self-financed single Cry No More and the keenly titled Live At The Mulberry Tree on cassette. Paul Farrah, the owner of a successful sound equipment hire company, provided us with a PA, sound engineers and recording gear free of charge.

In 1986 we played Richmond Theatre thanks to Paul Farrah and an expanding Mulberry Tree Choir. Chas and I began a regular writing partnership and acquired a manager, Jim Beach, renowned for his success with Queen. We signed to EMI Records and EMI Music. Bingo!
EMI Records would make us stars, EMI Music would ensure our songs were recorded by the worlds’ major artists. Fame and an unspeakable
fortune beckoned. This time there would be no mistakes. We released Dancing In The Danger Zone, a self-produced single which disappeared without trace, followed by Real Love which was even less successful in spite of having five different producers. I won’t trouble you with their names. Smile, an edited version of Live At The Mulberry Tree, was released by Coldharbour Records.

This afternoon I bumped into a girl from Manhattan
who told me that every aspect of the way I lived my life was wrong
She said you are what you eat and you must eat junk
you'll have your other foot in the grave before too long
- REAL LOVE

In 1987 we supported Suzanne Vega on a UK tour before recording
the provocatively titled Cry No More, produced by Richard Gottehrer,
Jeffrey Lesser and David Richards. Planned in New York, recorded in Switzerland with American session men and Nick Magnus, against his better judgement, mixed at a studio belonging to Tears for Fears, it
was an expensive, overblown affair. Richard and I were not a match made in heaven. Not to worry, it was singles time. Recipe For Romance bombed in spite of a Nick Davies remix, Tears On The Ballroom Floor,
co-written with Anthony Phillips and released with a promotional video, went the same way. We provided songs for a low budget horror film, Bloody New Year and our cameo appearance as The Flying Cadillacs won us both Oscars. It didn't really, I made that bit up. I'm not making this up though, Bucks Fizz recorded Tears On The Ballroom Floor and we ended the year touring with Aswad. Yes, Aswad.

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Click here to watch Tears On The Ballroom Floor video.

In 1988 we wrote more songs, played at The Mulberry Tree, played in lots of other pubs, toured with John Martyn and produced a 17 minute documentary video, Crying Out Loud, without EMI noticing.

Johnny was eleven when he came of age
running from a home in Mexico
Seven years later on Christmas Eve
Johnny got married to an eskimo
She was only young but the law was loose
all they needed was a clean start
and holding the ring on her warm finger
Johnny got married to his sweetheart
And you know what happened next?
Johnny ran off with his child bride
And you know what happened next?
They both got buried in a landslide
- LANDSLIDE

In 1989 we recorded Love And Power with curly haired ex-Strawbs keyboard wizard Andy Richards. It still didn't sound like us and we
co-produced it. EMI released Peace In Our Time, another flop, before dropping us, but the album was released in Germany by EMI-Electrola.
A single, Oh Sharon! was an airplay hit, well almost, and we played a club tour of Germany, a colourful experience. Following the closure of
the Mulberry Tree we started the Cry No More Social Club at the nearby Turks Head.

In 1990 we did a second tour of Germany, released two more singles,
Big Car and Landslide, which were not almost airplay hits and played larger venues supporting Marillion. We wrote more songs, EMI-Electrola didn’t like them, you can guess what happened next. Correct. In a fit of pique I started writing a comedy script, Radio Nowhere.

MICK: Come on ref, watch him.
JOHN: Now use it.
MICK: Go on, shoot!
JOHN: Useless Evans, you're useless.
MICK: How's your missus?
JOHN: She's only crashed the car hasn't she? Swerved to avoid some
kid running in the road and bosh, straight into a skip, both legs broken, four broken ribs, broken shoulder, sixty stitches, no claims right up the chute, muggins 'ere on the bus. Come on Evans pass it.
MICK: When was this?
JOHN: About quarter to one, I nearly didn't make it.

In 1991 we were asked to perform Georges Bar on an ITV consumer show, Beat The Cheat. I ended up becoming a presenter, something
I wouldn’t care to repeat. It never got past the pilot edition, a blessing.
Noel Gay Television expressed an interest in Radio Nowhere, I wrote
a second instalment, it came to nothing.

Beat The Cheat ... 'When Lloyd Grossman is the only person making any sense you know you have encountered crap of the highest order.'
Time Out.

In 1992 we played a week long residency in the Hyatt Hotel, Montreux, which is as much fun as you can have without actually enjoying yourself. The Social Club audience began to drift away. Jim Beach quit.

END OF PART THREE

The Defence Department has confirmed that scientist, Andre Delon, was working on a top secret project at the time of his death, fuelling rumours that he may have been killed by a Russian spy.

In 1993 I was commissioned by Paul Farrah, now a theatre producer,
to write a stage musical version of The Fly, a gift from heaven. I wrote day and night for a spectacularly tiny fee. My profits would come when the play was a hit.

SHERAZ: Did you kill your husband Mrs Delon?
JENNIFER: Yes.
SHERAZ: How did you kill him?
JENNIFER: In a hydraulic press.
SHERAZ : You squashed him to death?
JENNIFER: I pushed a button.
SHERAZ: Why did you push it twice?
JENNIFER: I missed the first time.
- THE FLY

In 1994 a director, Steven Dexter, was appointed and a dizzying round of re-writes, rehearsals and backstabbing began. The music business might be a filthy swamp of deceit, avarice and corruption but it’s a tea party compared with musical theatre. Paul announced that, as producer, he now owned the entire rights to my script and songs. Someone called
Steven Clark changed a few words here and there and was credited as co-writer. The Fly played two preview shows at the Garrick Theatre in London and that was that. Game over.

Cry No More bid adieu to The Turks Head, the first of many farewell appearances.

...........

Click here to watch all Small Stories videos on YouTube.

END OF PART FOUR

In 1995 I got a driving job.

As you drive out of East Town on Corridor Five
there's a house on the corner of Albany Drive
It's a kind of bordello, it's a kind of a church
run by a good woman left in the lurch
Now she can be crazy if she feels so inclined
but most of the time she is cool and refined
and a long line of callers are pleased to arrive
at the house on the corner of Albany Drive
- ALBANY DRIVE

In 1996 I started writing again and decided to try and record some songs myself. I contacted Jim Beach, renowned for his success with Queen. Jim was starting his own record label and willing to invest a modest sum in the project. Bingo! This time absolutely nothing could
go wrong.

In 1997 I acquired an 8-track recorder and set about becoming my
own producer, engineer and three-fingered keyboard player with all
the technical acumen of a dead otter. Not a pretty sight. Helpfully, my keyboard could play She’ll Be Coming Round The Mountain on its own.

Did you ever make love in Iowa?
Did you ever make cakes in Maine
or sing Somewhere Over The Rainbow
again and again and again?
Did you once see a doctor’s prescription
but not understand what it meant?
Did you once glimpse the moon in a mirror
and wonder wherever it went?
- IOWA

In 1998 I finished the tracks. Jim suggested we replace my toytown instrument noises with the real thing using classical musicians from the Lausanne Conservatoire at Mountain Studios. My primitive playing with
a bleak orchestral veneer. I agreed. David Richards was called in. Our relationship was less harmonious than of old. I returned to England. David did rough mixes in my absence, I didn’t like them. I got a call from David saying he was sorry to hear Jim had dropped me. I called Jim and received an 'I’m not sure where we’re going with this' fax and a promise that we would speak soon. I’ve never heard from him since.

A part of me's gone
but it's still in my heart
and the old days won't go
but the new days won't start
A part of me's gone
and it's not coming back
it's discarded and lost
at the end of a dirt track
- GONE

END OF PART FIVE

In 1999 I sold steam irons, handed out leaflets and got a job as a courier driver.

And so my life is over now, I have nothing to look forward to except death and hell. In 'The Waltons' and 'Little House On The Prairie', people die nice deaths, surrounded by their freinds but I will probably fall down
a manhole and break my neck before drowning in sewage. However, I wonder if hell can really be that bad? It can't be any worse than standing outside this bloody warehouse waiting for Terry Watkins to arrive.
- DEATH AND HELL

In 2000 I drove a van, wrote stories, script ideas, sketches, poems, anything but songs.

In 2001 I drove another van, sold massage machines and wrote a comedy script, Car 13 Where Are you?

RUBY: Still no news from Car 13?
VINCENT: Nothing.
RUBY: He’ll show up.
VINCENT: I hope so. How are things with you?
RUBY: Well, I swear my clients are getting weirder.
VINCENT: Is that possible?
RUBY: You have no idea. This morning I had a gentleman who dressed up as Rupert Bear and tried to balance a beach ball on his head. Every time the ball dropped I had to whack him between the legs with a golf club. A nine iron.
VINCENT: Good grief.
RUBY: And tomorrow I have a gentleman who likes to cower behind the refrigerator while I skin a rabbit. I have to shout at him.
VINCENT: What do you shout?
RUBY: You naughty boy, you scamp, that sort of thing.
- CAR 13 WHERE ARE YOU?

In 2002 I co-wrote and recorded an album with my son Jamie. He hears different notes to me and I learned a lot. Most of all I learned to loosen up my approach to songwriting and don’t work with your son.
Only joking Jamie.

Decisions! Decisions!
Boy I really made one this time
Something had to change
but I didn't know what
so I changed everything
- SOMETHING HAD TO CHANGE

In 2003 I sold more massage machines and wrote a comedy script,
Welcome To Kent.

Up with the lark in the morning
never let a day go by
Fight for your King and your country
never ask the reason why
Don't get upset cos it's raining
you're gonna get wet so stop complaining
Think of the life left remaining
and never let day go by
- NEVER LET A DAY GO BY

In 2004 I sold more massage machines and wrote another comedy script, Hubert.

SOUND FX: Seagulls, distant waves.
GEORGE: Oh I love the seaside. I love the sea. It's so wet and salty. Hubert loved the sea you know. I remember once in Eastbourne, when he thought he saw a kangaroo, but when we got up close it was just
a tennis ball ... what kind of bird is that?
WHITWORTH: It's a seagull your reverence.
GEORGE: Is it really? He's a cheeky fellow, look, he's blowing me a kiss. Too whit too whoo, too whit too whoo, I think he knows what I'm saying.
WHITWORTH: Shall we walk a little further?
GEORGE: Hubert loved birds ...
WHITWORTH: Did he?
GEORGE: ... eagles, wrens, peewits, even the humble sparrow, he shot them all. - HUBERT

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Click here to watch Tinkerbell video

In 2005 I wrote and recorded continuously. If I stopped I felt ill. The new songs seemed outside my normal style, sometimes they seemed to be writing themselves. My lawyer and good friend David Gentle felt
I might have found my oeuvre (he’s very cosmopolitan), my brother Deryk said they sounded like a suicide note.

I think I might be confused
by the way of the world
with its starlight and storms
as we follow the tide
and on this confusion we sail
like boats in the night
we're a terrible sight
as we crash and collide
- TORN

In 2006 my doctor told me I was clinically depressed. I asked her how she'd reached this apparently random diagnosis. She said, 'You've been crying for the last fifteen minutes', a regular Sherlock Holmes. She said
I needed anti-depressants and counselling. I said I didn’t believe in counselling. She said I couldn’t have the anti-depressants then. I had the counselling. Things got much worse then much better. I got a job putting up exhibition stands. There's nothing quite like being constantly called a useless wanker by a gang of tattooed ruffians for lifting the spirits.

END OF PART SIX

In 2007, impressed with my ability to carry four bacon rolls with brown sauce, two hot dogs and six teas, in one go, without dropping anything, the ruffians decided I wasn't entirely useless and I became just 'wanker'. Bliss. Their pug ugly faces and endless moaning will live in my heart forever. Feeling more like my old self than my old self ever did I started compiling CDs from the stuff I’d been writing and recording since the long gone yesteryear of 1974. One crisp October morning I started singing in the bath. I was back.

By 2008, I'd found enough material to make at least twelve CDs - more if I included the real rubbish - and released the first two, Hello Sailor and Fun With Dave on Deepdene Records. A brace of Cry No More re-releases followed. I was a music business mogul, sometimes selling two CDs in a single week.

I played some solo shows, a revelation. I never wanted to play solo until I tried it and then found it was exactly what I wanted. Very me.

I decided to turn the 2005 tracks into an album called Switzerland, a rather bleak album.

For 2009 it is my avowed intention to finish Switzerland, start a website so CDs can be ordered without having to send me an email, play more live shows, tidy the shed and record an album of showtunes with international showjumper, Korky Von Trapp.

In the meantime browse through the current Deepdene Records product list and enjoy a buying experience from a lost age (email).

CDS ON SALE NOW FROM DEEPDENE RECORDS

HELLO SAILOR

A mixture of acoustic demos and tracks recorded 1976-77 with the Strolling Players.

'Although sometimes primitive in execution these recordings are charged with the writer-performer’s manifest eccentricities, by turns playful, waspish and melancholy.' Pat from next door.

FUN WITH DAVE

12 tracks produced by David Richards, 1893-84. Most are demos, some had loftier ambitions. David Richards went on to work with Queen, Bowie and Michael Jackson. I went on to sell massage machines.

'I am completely satisfied with my massager, it has helped my shoulders no end’ Mrs Pike, Watford.

LIVE AT THE MULBERRY TREE

Cry No More debut, originally released on cassette in 1986. Exactly what the title suggests with knobs on.

'My all-time favourite album.' Brian Rizla, The Brian Rizla Experience.

CRY NO MORE 'CRY NO MORE'

1987. Chapter 15 of a study in career pinball. Previously available on vinyl and cassette only.

'What were they thinking?' Keith from Homebase.

Click here.. to contact me / order from deepdene@fsmail.net.

Thanks for reading. If you got bored halfway through and decided to watch CSI, I hope your car breaks down.