I love cross stitching dirty words or portraits of Hugh Laurie.
I love writing extremely dirty poetry, which I call "hoetry."
Performing poetry, spoken word, or comedy.
My boyfriend, who is killer in bed.
Medical stuff and shiny things fascinate me.
Collecting kick ass weapon jewelry and vintage necklaces.
My daughter. I love her dearly. She's a riot.
Making jellies and jams. My kiwi preserves are fucking amazing.
Rats. I like rats.
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Music
Incubus, Johnny Cash, The Carpenters, Peaches, Jane Monheit, Michael Penn, Ben Folds Five, Maroon 5, Nirvana, Hole, Foo Fighters, Indigo Girls, Josh Groban, Ella Fitzgerald, Iggy Pop, Nora Jones, Fleetwood Mac, Limp Bizkit, Bob Dylan, Old Cool Jazz Singers, Swing/ Big Band, Sinatra, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Tom Jones, Broadway Tunes, My buddy Leif. He's Cool. Sometimes. I like a pretty diverse mix.... Not big on rap, or ska, or pop diva crap, or club mixes.
Movies
Stepbrothers, Talledega Nights, Superbad, The Little Girl Who Lived Down The Lane, Foxes, Amelie, Badlands, V for Vendetta, The Stupids(!), Brokeback Mountain, Serenity, Napoleon Dynamite, Mystic River, The Incident, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, Shawshank Redemption, American Splendor, Constantine, Labyrinth, Reservoir Dogs, L.O.T.R., Silence of the Lambs, The Bad Seed (the original), Charlie Chan flix, Kevin Smith films (except Gigli. Dude if you needed the cash that bad, you could have just asked), Any Sidney Poitier, Marilyn Monroe stuff, I love old films and films with lots of dialogue. Splendor in the Grass, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Logan's Run, Soylent Green, Patch of Blue, Who's afraid of Virginia Wolfe, Butterfield 8, The Original Planet of The Apes Movies, Gritty human emotion stuff gets me everytime. NO CHICK FLIX. Romance and smoochy pet movies are a no no, too. Oh, and for some reason I can watch Daredevil over and over and over again. I don't know why.
Oh, and if Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly are in it, count me in. I love those fucking guys.
HOUSE, HOUSE, and more HOUSE. Seriously, I worship Hugh Laurie.
My Name is Earl, Jeeves & Wooster, A Bit of Fry and Laurie, Red Dwarf, L word, Firefly, Dead Like Me, Freaks and Geeks, Gilmore Girls, LOST, CSI, Law & Order (original and SVU), NCIS, Survivor, OZ, Ren & Stimpy, Perfect Strangers, The State, Reno 911, Spongebob Square Pants, Simpsons, Family Guy, Futurama, Biggest Loser, Last Comic Standing, Forever Night, Highlander, and Project Runway. I am also nuts over Hole in the Wall, True Blood, Buffy, Heroes, Jon and Kate + 8, and Coupling.
Books
Michael Connelly, Dennis Lehane, Janet Evanovich, Christopher Moore, Andrew Vachss, Robert Crais, Michael Robotham, James Ellroy, Karin Slaughter, Patricia Cornwell, Tim Cockey, Ayelet Waldman, Sarah Strohmeyer, The french translated novel "I Who Have Never Known Men", "To Kill a Mockingbird", "Of Mice and Men", ....... Michael Robotham's "Suspect" is one on the finest debut novels ever written. I love gritty crime novels that leave you breathless and shaken. I first read Dennis Lehane about 10 years ago, before anyone had ever heard of him, when I was working in a bookstore. I was so impressed by his work. He is the first writer I can remember who wrote a story that I could not predict the outcome of in advance.
Heroes
Heroes are ordinary people who do extraordinary things. Real heroes are rarely ever talked about. They don't seek glory for good deeds. They believe good deeds are their own rewards.
Julie Jackson of Subversive Cross Stitch has given my life new meaning. I love her.
Paula Deen.
I wish there were a Spiderman in every city. The world would be a better place.
Spongebob Squarepants is always so positive about everything. I want to be more like that.
Southern University And A & M College
Baton Rouge, LA
Graduated: N/A
Student status: Alumni
Degree: None
Major: I was the white chick that year
Minor: Don't you mean minority?
Clubs: The Grunge Chick everyone makes fun of Club, President and sole member.
About me: I have a weird sense of humor most people don't get. I have been known to be very sarcastic and caustic at times. I have a quick wit and a quicker mouth, and a long list of all the ways it has gotten me in trouble. I love to read, I miss having time to paint, I am introverted, but can be the center of attention when I feel the urge. I am very laid back. Almost comatose at time. Medical stuff fascinates me. So does shiny stuff. I love black and white photography, painting, creating jewelry, and petting fluffy stuff.
I hate fake people, listening to people bitch about their sex life, people who are mean just for the fun of it, backstabbing dickweeds, bad dye jobs, the itchy feeling of a new tattoo healing, people who give lousy head, bad breath, wearing shoes, Paris Fucking Hilton, white-trash rich bitches in general, the abbreviation LOL, shallow people, and people who hate to read.
I am hysterically funny. No, seriously. My comedic timing is legendary. Like Sleepy Hollow and shit. Only I don't have a pumpkin for a head and I hate whoopie cushions.
I find that if I eat too much whipped cream I get sick. So I eat just enough. My favorite part of the bible is in Proverbs "If you find honey eat just enough, too much and you will vomit." They are a lot of motherfuckers out there eating too much honey. Mostly in Washington.
I wonder if I will ever amount to anything and if I do what will that anything be? I think I would make a great supermodel, except for the not eating, cocaine, shallow vapidness, stupidity, and general lack of books smarts. That and I am a fat chick. But that $10,000 a day shit? I could totally fuck that shit up, yo.
If I had a million dollars I would buy your love.
Things I will someday do:
Pull all the kleenex out of a box, one at a time.
Squeeze out all the toothpaste from a brand new tube.
Wash my hair in milk.
Soak my feet in blue food coloring.
Build my vulture collection up to more than just two items.
Learn to make stained glass.
Shave my head.
I hate artificial bacon flavored things. I would vote to make them illegal but I quit believing in the voting system right about the time we ended up with four more years. Not that the Ketchup King was a good choice either. Why didn't Jon Stewart run? Because he's a comedian dumbass. Geez, you're an idiot.
Which reminds me, I love me some ketchup. Grilled ketchup sandwiches ( like gilled cheese, only no cheese--just ketchup) and ketchup on krispy creme doughnuts are some of my favorites. Only doughnuts are the devil and I avoid them like a yeast infection. Seriously, the take like 4 days to digest and drain your body of it's important supply of uranium. How the hell are you gonna wipe your own ass with out uranium? Wait, maybe I'm thinking of toilet paper.
I am currently shedding like a cat. I think I may have the mange. Either that or my man is loosening my hair at night as I sleep. Or maybe it's just hot ass hell down here. Yep, that's probably it.
I am warning you bitches now, the day Hollywood decides to make a full length movie of "Perfect Strangers" you assholes better back the fuck up cause I will be first in line.
Who I'd like to meet: Funny, smart, interesting people. I'd like to touch base and catch up w/ some old friends and meet some new ones as well. People who read books for fun.
Will the following people please raise your hand so I may kick you in the balls:
Guy who put a nick in my brand new Subaru.
Person who pulls out in front of me and then proceeds to drive 12 miles an hour. Are you driving a bumper car? You will be soon.
Asshole who put gum in the movie theater seat.
Marilyn Monroe. Why? Cause she was a freaking underrated genius for saying things like this:
"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control. and at times, hard to handle. but if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
Women who leave blood on toilet seats. If I wanted your DNA I would save some in a vial around my neck when I marry you in some whacked out wiccan/amish/lesbian ceremony. Since I am none of the three, you deserve to eat tampons and die. Seriously, I love me some lesbians.
My ex-roommate. Where's my three hundred dollars dickhead?
I almost forgot, I really want to meet your sexy older brother. Is he still dating that chinese chick with the buck teeth? What the fuck does he see in her?
Hey Ruby!!! There is no TV gig at the moment. I am looking for a day job in the meanwhile and have an interview on Monday!!! I am applying to acting stuff as jobs come along but they are few and far between right now. How are you and your family these days?
