They called him “Prick,” “Dum-Dum,” and “Ol’ Assgoat.” But honestly he prefers Rudy. Rudy Casoni. Sinatra’s Bastard Love Child? Now add that one. You’ve heard the rumors. You be the judge. He came to national attention briefly in the mid-nineties appearing on MTV in thirty-second spots singing the hits of the day. Every night a new club, every night a new lady. On top of his game. But it was all too much for him. The fall was fast. Hard. Smashed his nuts in the gutter. His vices: voluminous. His career, shall we say: petite. Next up was performing at dive bars and underground clubs across the country for bums and rummies and rape-os. He was paid in jeers and catcalls. They hurled obscenities and double ‘A’ batteries and sometimes their own feces (“Shit-stingers” they called them.) The places smelled of piss and regret and had names like “McTurds,” “Dumpy’s Crap Room,” “The Poop Emporium,” and “Senor Shits-a-Lot’s.” He was killing himself. He sneered at the misery. Sometimes he sang, sometimes he wept. But always he drank. Sometimes he sang while he wept and drank. You could hardly understand him with all the gurgling and the crying. It was a shame the way he savaged the great American songbook in those days. It was scandalous. But what could he do? He ran with whores and hobos. The pain was awesome. The rejection fantastic. The Nineties and early 2000’s were ugly as hell. Messy, vile, wretched. But it was the only way he knew. It was “my way,” he’d say, the Shit-stingers flying past his head. Finally in 2007, his mother, on her deathbed, told him the true identity of his deadbeat father. He finally knew. It was an epiphany. He always suspected. But never hoped. It all made sense now: The extremes, the abuse, the self-pity. The blue eyes. The voice. The Cazzo d’Oro. He had his identity. Now all he needed was a career. The road back was slow. Uphill and torturous. Made slower by his unrepentant love of booze and women. And smack. And candy. And the ponies. He gave up the smack finally. But nothing else. He actually added crack briefly. But dropped it when he felt too “crappy AND funky.” He returned to ‘the circuit’ to sharpen the knife: Atlantic City, Tahoe and the Strip. He made it. Barely. “Just gimme a song and a bottle and a one pretty lady to sing to and its on! That’s it. Listen to me. That’s all I need. Well, my band, that’d help. I need them. For the musics and the whatnot. Listen to me. But that’s it. Well. I’d really like to have a bigger audience than one dame to be honest. A nice place. No hobos. A club. I hate hobos now. Pricks. They’re the worst. Listen to me. Maybe at a little supper club with some booze. Some Calamari. Something light. Lotta booze would be swell. And some top-drawer broads floating around the joint. Drunk. Listen to me. D-runk. Stink-o. Maybe they’d get into a catfight. Oooh, that’s sexy. But drunk though. I mean really messy. Vootily Doo! Ding, ding! But other than that…Vrooom. Vroom.” (I’m not sure what’s going on. He’s started making car noises now. He’s miming driving a car. Honking an imaginary car horn. He screeches the tires around a curve and drives it over a cliff. He’s mouths “suck it” as he falls and flips me the bird. He crashes into the rocks below. Did he crash into a lady? Yes. He didn’t crash into the rocks he crashed into a lady. Ooh she’s soft and smelly. He’s miming kissing her. He gets back in a car and drives it around her backside. He’s going to put his car in her garage? He’s making noises again. He’s bent the lady over? He’s gunning the engine. He’s spitting and cackling. It’s an ass-garage sex act?! What the-? Oh God, no! It’s a truly horrible display.) His all-new Los Angeles Variety show features some fresh faces and some old familiar Joes. Rudy’s band, the Dago 5, is back and sharp as ever. Led by Andy Paley, they’ve taken their classic, big band sound and transformed it into a truly raucous and juiced-up “Filthy Swing Engine.” Gary ‘the Kook’ Cucarolo, Rudy’s unpredictable, nutty right hand man is back as well. Rude and crazy. Performers like the Lampshades as well as James Urbaniak, Pat Healy and Mark Fite grace the stage with him. As well as some top-heavy burlesque hoofers not to mention some scary celebrity talent that pops in now and again to cadge drinks and crack wise, completes the line up of his new variety show. It’s a dazzling spectacle. Like a crazed, drunken zombie thing. But one that’s singing. And sexy. And swinging. But still wants to eat your brain. While it swings. Go. Al Fonteau Casoni’s Biographer December 9, 2007 Hollywood, CA.
PEEPSHOW MENAGERIE is THIS WEDNESDAY, November 18th, at Bordello in Los Angeles!
(click on the poster for show details!)
See the SECOND COMING of the FIRE & BRIMSTOME BURLESQUE REVIVAL of the Burlesque Show that pokes fun at televangelists, all while donating all proceeds to a full arts program for Inner City Children!
L'esattezza di questa musica ha evidenze sperimentali. In questo caso, per rapidità, si è proceduto alla sola controprova: effettivamente, i ratti a cui non è stata somministrata non hanno mostrato alcun mutamento.
The accuracy of this music has experimental evidence. In this case, to increase speed, we proceeded only to cross-check: indeed, the rats that did not listen to it showed no change.
PEEPSHOW MENAGERIE is THIS WEDNESDAY, November 18th, at Bordello in Los Angeles!
(click on the poster for show details!)
See a Riotous and Ribald Burlesque Show of International Proportions in a tribute to the "Road Films" of Bob Hope and Bing Crosby...but not just with a couple of boobs (IE: Our hosts); but a whole cast of Burlesque Stars!
NEWS FLASH!: Just Added! Special Surprise Secret Guest To Be Announced at the show!!!
hey can u leave me a funny comment? i need some juice w/ the kids!peas and BTW the trouble and strife and i enjoy watching you steal the show in every picture you're in Slim!
With it's temperate climate and close proximity to many of Hollywood's top tourist attractions, Southern Californina is home to the only camp of it's kind in the world that caters specifically to todays new rising stars of Burlesque... Curious? Like to join us? The only thing you stand to lose are your tan lines.
This show debuts MARCH 3rd, 2009 @ Bordello in beautiful Downtown Los Angeles, located at 901 E. First St.
Second show on March 10th!!!!
You seen Burlesque shows before, but you've never experienced anything like this! This is a live narrated stage show
Online Now!
