1. Bananas are great. They're sweet, easy on the eyes, and Bill Graul can eat them in many, many ways. Peeling the outer layer off slowly, anxiously awaiting the sweet and tasty fruit, Bill Graul loves the banana all by itself, or with ice cream in a banana split. Delicious. And don't forget, nutritious.
2. Squash is great for it's size and shape. Because it's so big, Bill Graul can enjoy plenty of it...and because of it's shape, squash is very easy to control when Bill Graul is attempting to get at it's innards.
3. Ah, the corndog. Bill Graul loves it's portability. Very easy to eat, and combining two great tastes. Bill Graul likes to squirt ketchup on a corndog and eat it from end to end.
4. Bill Graul likes to butter up a nice, firm ear of corn and have at it. Nothing puts a bigger smile on Bill Graul's face than the delicious, buttery taste of corn. The way the kernels burst their juicy goodness into Bill Grual's mouth is extremely pleasing.
5. Wow...can anything compare to a pickle? It's so versatile and the bumps and ridges on it's surface make eating fun for Bill Graul. Wonderful texture in Bill Graul's mouth. One of the best things is that they come in so many sizes and flavors...whether it's a Dill, a sweet pickle, or one of those massive carnival pickles...Bill Graul is delighted with pickles.
Bill Graul likes nothing more than walking through a magical wooded area and taming a wild unicorn by defeating it with some sweet Bill Graul wrestling moves. Bill Graul usually uses a variety of high-risk manuevers, however, unicorns require a special type of beat-down that only Bill Graul can deliver.
Although a jukebox may seem like an easy opponent, Bill Graul encountered an extremely surly music player one night in downtown La Crosse after Bill Graul had more than a few Cosmopolitans. The jukebox was taking Bill Graul's dollars, but there was no sound to be heard. Bill Graul delivered a devastating elbow from the top of the bar, demolishing the electronic melody machine.
Bill Graul hates Cyclops. The only thing worse than a cyclops is a person with a lazy eye. At least with a cyclops, Bill Graul knows exactly where to look. Cyclops presents a difficult challenge to Bill Graul due to it's claws and pointy horn. However, Bill Graul cast a level 8 Spell of Minimization on cyclops and then Bill Graul stepped on cyclops, ending it's reign of terror.
Heroes
Things Bill Graul has invented:
1. Sliced Bread.
This is the pinnacle of Bill Graul's inventions. Why, you ask? Because anytime you think of something's worth, you say "It's the best thing since sliced bread." Therefore, everything else is second to sliced bread, and only one person is amazing enough to invent sliced bread, and that's Bill Graul.
2. Toasters.
Why wouldn't Bill Graul invent a toaster? After inventing sliced bread, Bill Graul quickly became dissatisfied with it's lack of texture. You see, Bill Graul is a master of all Bill Graul surveys, and does not eat just any old food. So, Bill Graul decided that a toaster would improve Bill Graul's sub-par eating experience. You are welcome. (note - Bill Graul later invented butter and jelly/jam/preserves, but they do not make the list simply because Bill Graul has better things to do than put them on this list.)
3. Propecia and Rogaine.
When Bill Graul was a wee lad, Bill Graul knew that a career in televised "meteorology" awaited. Unfortunately, Bill Graul's family is genetically deficient and Bill realized that male pattern baldness also waited for Bill Graul in the very near future. To counteract the terrible atrocity that is baldness, Bill Graul invented two different solutions to this problem and Bill Graul once again saved mankind.
4. Toilet bowl brushes.
Bill Graul is a man. You have no doubt noticed that. And what does a man do in the morning to start the day off on the right foot? That's right. Real men take a nice, long dookie. Because of this, Bill Graul realized early on that whoever would be cleaning Bill Graul's porcelain throne, that person/persons(hey, sometimes it's rough in there) would need a special cleaning tool to make this monumental job a bit easier. So, Bill Graul invented the toilet bowl brush and Bill Graul still owns the original patent.
5. Needlenose pliers.
Bill Graul lost a quarter between his seat cushion and center console in Bill Graul's monster truck.(Yes, Bill Graul drives a manly vehicle.) Needless to say, the quarter was really wedged down there, and Bill Graul really wanted to give the quarter to a homeless man living outside of the Channel 8 studios. So, Bill Graul grabbed a regular set of pliers and a welding torch. About 15 minutes later, Bill Graul emerged from the Channel 8 basement with the world's first set of needlenose pliers and got that quarter for the homeless guy. However, the homeless man turned out to be Corey Malles, so Bill Graul just threw the quarter into the mighty Mississippi River.
Bill Graul can really dance. Just look at those sweet moves.
Bill Graul talks in the third person. That's all you need to know, so that's all Bill Graul is going to say. For now.
Hi, Bill Graul's name is: RuPaul Billy Graul
but you can call Bill Graul: The Best in the Biz.
Never in Bill Graul's life has Bill Graul: Been more awesome than Bill Graul is right now.
The one person who can drive Bill Graul nuts is: Crocodile Dundee. Austrailian Outback people infuriate Bill Graul.
When Bill Graul's nervous: Bill Graul is never nervous.
The last song Bill Graul listened to was: Barry Manilow - Mandy
If Bill Graul were to get married right now it would be to: A woman in Utah. Bill Graul is already married.
Bill Graul's hair is: Not Bill Graul's original hair. But Bill Graul's hair is still better than yours.
When Bill Graul was 4: Three wise men brought Bill Graul baseball cards, a happy meal and a poster of Bo Derek.
Last Christmas: Bill Graul got everything Bill Graul wanted. Santa would never deny Bill Graul anything.
Bill Graul should be: Number one on your top friends
When Bill Graul looks down, Bill Graul sees: Everyone beneath Bill Graul.
If Bill Graul were a character on ‘Friends’: Bill Graul would be the landlord and evict all of them.
By this time next year: Bill Graul will still be reading Yahoo weather.
Bill Graul's current gripe is: Jennifer Livingston denied Bill Graul some free blueberry biscuits from Hardees.
Bill Graul has a hard time understanding: Nothing. Bill Graul gets it. Bill Graul gets it all.
If Bill Graul won an award, the first person Bill Graul would tell would be:Bill Graul. Why not share it with the most important person in Bill Graul's life.
Bill Graul wants to buy: A magical unicorn to take Bill Graul to Funkytown
If you spent the night at Bill Graul's house:Your coolness factor would be multiplied by 100 times. That is the true power of Bill Graul.
The world could do without: Boogers. Bill Graul doesn't like dried phlegm in Bill Graul's nose.
Most recent thing Bill Graul bought Bill Graul:Bill Graul bought a pirahna and a donkey for Bill Graul's petting zoo...opening summer, 2008.
Most recent thing someone else bought Bill Graul: Bill Graul was given a meat and cheese platter by one of Bill Graul's fans. It was sub-par for Bill Graul's standards.
Bill Graul's middle name is:"Mr. Exciting"
In the morning, Bill Graul: Eats an omelet made from dinosaur eggs and then Bill Graul chops down a cherry tree.
Last night Bill Graul was: Writing down the synonyms for 'awesome' so Bill Graul could better explain how 'awesome' Bill Graul truly is.
If Bill Graul was an animal, Bill Graul would be a: A panther.
Tomorrow Bill Graul is: Going to poop. It will be a joyous occasion.
Tonight Bill Graul is: Taking the last train to Clarksville. Bill Graul can meet you at the station. Bill Graul has made your reservation.
Bill Graul's birthday is: The day Bill Graul was born.
Who I'd like to meet:
Bill Graul doesn't need to meet anyone. It should be the other way around. Everyone wants to meet Bill Graul. It's a life-altering event.
Brian from 95.7 The Rock totally outsmarted Bill Graul at Riverfest this year. Bill Graul wasn't very amused. But Bill Graul's hair stayed in place thanks to a lot of holding spray.
