Sarah Wilson.

kenzie: i have a serious question to ask you.
me: okay, go ahead.
kenzie: if mr. krabs is a crab, then how is pearl a whale?

jake: my iphone just told me it's 57 degress in narnia!
me: you have reached a new low.

ken: do you think i'm fat?
me: no, i do not.
ken: so, i could drink whole milk if i wanted?
me: you're such a faggot.

dean: there are two things that i'm sure of. one: bert and ernie are gay. two: you are not gonna die a virgin!

roger: you're not dumb! you're smart.
me: not really, only at english.
roger: yea! you can write books.
me: about what?
roger: your life.
me: oh, yea. my hard times growing up on the street.
roger: yea, and how you got shot.
me: yea, weezy asked me to rhyme with him but i said no, beacause i've got a rep to protect.
roger: i feel ya, i feel ya.
me you can write the book with me.
roger: but you add the dangerous edge.

mrs. solo: ms. driver, how do you say this is spanish?
rolanda: uhmmm....hiblow?
me: did you just say "i blow"? hey everybody, rolanda blows.
mrs. solo: sarah, that is not appropriate.
me: ohh, but it's funny.

chris: black guys? dogs? what's next, a black dog?!
me: beastiality is WAY against my religion!
chris: hey...i don't know you're life.

random dude: hey ladies! we don't got no foreskins!

me: i hate my life.
coach lewis: maybe. but you love this class.
me: no, i don't. i hate my life, i hate this class, i hate you, and i hate your blue eyes.
coach lewis: well, now you're just lying.

jani: did you watch that tinkerbell movie? i mean, i know you hate her but still.
me: jani, seriously?
jani: well, it's not like i'm telling you to watch it! i just wanted to know if you had seen it, in case it was good or anything.

mrs. solo: amber, are you done?
amber: with what?
mrs. solo: with talking.
me: if she was done, she wouldn't still be talking!
sean sean: oh, sarah! i heart you, yes i do.

mrs. solo: ms. wilson, put that away.
me: okay.
mrs. solo: ms. wilson, put it away.
me: i'm getting to it! dang. i don't have to do everything on your time. i don't jump just because you say jump.
josh: sarah, you're a real big bitch, you know that?
me: yes, i do know that. thanks for noticing.

michael: do you listen to tool? pantera?
me: dude, i wore a pantera shirt yesterday, and tool shirt like, last week.
roger: kings of leon?
me: oh, you know. if i'm forced to. sometimes.
michael: hahahahah! that's funny! cause you're like...obsessed with them.

Josh: I need to go to the nurse and eat some crackers, because I gave blood and I haven’t eaten all day and I feel like I’m gonna faint.
Mrs. Solo: There you go, wanting to leave class again.
Josh: This is serious, though.
Mrs. Solo: You always just want to leave class.
Me: He’s about to die, bitch!
Sean Sean: Oh, my god. I love you. You say the shit that I’m thinking.

Mrs. Solo: Miss Wilson, you’re being very talkative today.
Me: Sorry for being human, let me just change myself to cater to you.
Mrs. Solo: I move you, but you just keep talking.
Me: I don’t shut up for anyone.
Rolanda: She don’t.
Sean Sean: Mmmmhmm, amen.

Me: My mom bought me fried chicken. I guess she thinks I’m black.
Dominique: Well, you do like that nasty thug music.

Me: You remind me of those sing along things on Disney channel.
Roger: You watch Disney channel?
me:………………….no.

Chris: Sarah, you don’t hit people, you dominate them. You walk down the hall and people just shove themselves into lockers.

Miranda: Sarah, what’s up with your arm?
Me: Oh, yea. See, Dominique is wonderful at doing hair. But he’s even better at tattoos.
Miranda: It looks like a 4 year old scribbled on your arm.
Me: Basically, that’s what happened.

Jani: My fat is going to be the death of me.
Me: Me, too. I don’t have the will power to stay away from food.
Jani: Uhhh, I said my cat, not my fat.

Me: I have to poop.
Terrin: Really?
Me: No. I just say that ever so often. You know, to make myself sound cool.

Me: Turn over!
Caytee: Why?
Me: Because I want to mount you.
Caytee: Sarah, what the hell are you doing?!
Me: A girl can’t mount her best friend?!

Caytee: Every time I laugh, my vagina jiggles.

me: did i say you could sit here, cunt? this is reserved for people who don't suck dick.
ryan: why are you being so mean to me?
justin: that's her everyday vocabulary, dude. she's not being mean.
me: yea, dude. stop being such a pansy.
justin: see, sarah's just an asshole. it's part of her charm.

me: she was okay, but i kind of wanted her to be hurt because i was so mad at her. and cause i could me like, "see! if you weren't such a whore you'd sill have your legs!

me: man, screw schoo. i'm gonna get a cash flow and go to tennessee. or alaska. better yet, canada. me and drake can hook up.
sean sean: you're too white for drake.
me: shut your mouth. i'll be the best he ever had.

me: Look at him over there, arranging a drug deal.
miranda: WHAT?! I didn’t know he smoked!
me: of course he smokes. his favorite band is tool.

jani: sarah, you're so weird.
me: where'd that come from?
jani: i was just thinking about it, and i thought i'd let you know.

me: it says "roger is cooler than me."
roger: aww that's a false statement right there.
me: you saying that's a false statement is a false statement.
roger: you saying that me saying that is a false statement was a false statement is a false statement.
me: you just said another false statement.
roger: that was a false statement.
me: you're a big fat liar.
roger: FALSE STATEMENT!
me: liar. you're cooler than me.
roger: whatever!
me: i win.
roger: the battle. but not the war!

me: yea, it hurt so bad.
aunt erin: wait till you have a baby.
me: i'm never gonna have one then.
grandma: then don't have sex with boys. if it's with girls, then you're okay.

stranger: your boyfriends black, right?
me: uhh, i don't even have a boyfriend.
stranger: are you sure? i could've sworn...
me: i'm 99% sure that i don't have a boyfriend. but if i did, it'd be so cool if he was black.
stranger: i know, huh?

me: my voice is really loud.
roger: what?
me: my voice is really loud.
roger: what did you say?
me: i said, my voice is really loud.
roger: i can't hear you. what?
me: mannnn, rogerrrrr. shut up.

me: i hate feet. ew.
roger slides his foot up and sits it on my knee.
me: okay, i can handle that. as long as it's in a shoe.
roger takes his foot down, slides his shoe off, put his foot back on my knee, and wiggles his toes.
me: oh, man. you're a jerk!

me: i did three hours of research over marijuana last night.
roger: it's not research if you were smoking it.
me: ohhh, my goodness. i'm not a pothead!

me: did you even have pubes?!
roger: yes, i did. i'm a very hairy person.

mary:during the show, he butt thrusted this chick that was singing with him.

me: can we get the christmas stuff out of the attic today?
grandma: cool your jets! you're skipping holidays. how do you think the great pumpkin king and all the pilgrims will feel if we skip them and start reppin' saint nick?! you gotta consider others feelings here, sarah.

chick on tv: i think he's just jealous of my close personal relationship with jesus!

grandma: sarah, what the hell is this doing on the fridge?
me: that's my friend roger. he's real cool.
grandma: he ain't cool, he looks like a nerd.
me: for a reason! it was nerd day.
grandma: sarah, you don't have to lie to me. if you hang out with nerds, that's okay.

dj:sarah's a great kisser.
me: you've never kissed me.
dj: she's like einstein, her head is the greatest.
me: first off, you didn't use that in the right context. second, you're not cool enough to quote weezy.
some random black dude: damnnnn, you just got told by a white girl.

me: coach lewis, i had a dream that you died.
coach lewis: ohhh, great. i missed you over the weekend, too.

Employee at McDonalds: I know you guys probably don’t care, but something really special happened to me last night. I got to take a shower with my kitten.

me: i have some crazy dreams.
mr. barnes: you said that right when roger walked past, does he make you have crazy dreams?
me: i actually did dream about you last night, roger.
mr. barnes: oh, lord! we can't go there! i don't wanna know!
roger: no, let's hear it.
me: we got kidnapped together, and our kidnapper forced us at gunpoint to make him corn dogs.
mr. barnes: sarah, you're just the weirdest girl i've ever met in my life.

me: I forgot to take my birth control.
chris: if you don’t take it, will you get pregnant?
Oziel: retard, she wears a period ring!
me: It’s called a purity ring.
chris: who’s the retard now?!

Oziel sliding a case of water into the back of my car: whoa, I just moved your whole car.
me: way to go, werewolf.

jani: what’d you guys do after I left?
me: we fast forwarded through all my movies and just watched the sex scenes.
jain: you guys are such losers.
me: well, what am I supposed to do? You won’t let me do that with you! And Oziel and Chris know how to appreciate the human body.
jani:: sarah….seriously. You’re a loser.

chris: I need to take a shit guys, so i'll be right back.
me: dude, you're just gonna go shit in my house?
chris: yea, pretty much. you have plenty of toilet paper, right?

chris: I’m serious.
me:what?
chris: sarah, I really…I just feel like molesting you.
me: I don’t really know what to do about that.

Me: she keeps telling me to get off the phone and read that book, but I would’ve been done already if I hadn’t had to carry a cake across the country!
Jani: What did you even just say?

Me:Ever since she died her hair, she looks like an Egyptian.
Samantha: Yea, I don't even know what they look like so I can't relate.
Me: You’re kidding?
Samantha: No, I didn’t even know Egypt was real until my sophomore year. I thought it was made up.
Me: I can’t be your friend anymore.
Samantha: They really mummify people, Sarah. That’s some scary shit.

Me: if i had the chance, i would have sex with all of them.
Caytee: you wear a True Love Waits ring.
Me: THIS IS TRUE LOVE! And I’ve waited long enough!

Me: I’ve never seen so much wiener in a movie in my life! And it was BLACK wiener, so it was even weirder, cause you know…it’s darker than the rest of them. Like it got shoved in a toaster or something.

Me: My ass itches.
Caytee: Cause you have the herps.
Me: Fudging Kings Of Leon. Spreading their junk to me.
Caytee: Why is it always the Kings?
Me: WELL WHO ELSE COULD GIVE ME THE HERPS?!

Me: The survey i did yesterday asked me if I killed anyone.
Oziel: What’d you say?
Me: I was like, “Obviously! I’m myspacing from prison.”

Grandma: How’s school?
Me: Great. Except for 5th period. I have a Puerto Rican Nazi teacher.
Grandma: If you keep calling her a Nazi, she’s gonna throw you in a flamming fire pit of death.
Me: I’d rather die screaming the truth than shut up and take her crap.
Grandma: That’s my girl.

Kevin Jonas: I love koalas. Ahh, they’re so emo. They eat all those eucalyptus leaves and their breath is so minty fresh.

Me: This is Shakira’s new song.
Mom: She looks hot in the video.
Me: I know it, dude.
Mom: Would you kiss her?
Me: More than that.
Mom: Would you eat her pussy?

Me: I got some Apple Bottom jeans.
Elijah: You’re black, that’s why I like you so much! Did you get any boots with the fur?

Aaron: I stopped in the middle of the road to let a pinecone cross because I thought it was a hedgehog.

Me: The owner of the company that makes rape whistles started the company to try and reduce the number of rapes, but secretly he doesn’t want rapes to decline, because with a decline in rapes, he’d also see a decline in whistle sales.
Aaron: Well though out, dude. Well thought out.

Christy: I think I saw her write you up yesterday, what did you do?
me: i refused to stop talking about the jonas brothers.

mr. schwacker, the principle, going around class saying people's names: kurr, i don't know you, i don't know you, you're the girl that talks about hurricanes all the time, khan, and...i don't remember you're name.
me: comeeee onnnnn mr. shwacker! after all the time we've spent together.
mr. shwacker: all i remember is you like music. and you kick really hard.

me: this song is so sweet. everytime i hear it, i just want to be in love.
chris: what is it?
me: pussy money weed.
chris: you're extremely warped.

Caytee: I like how they’re like “Splendora Café.” or “Splendora Sonic.” Like we don’t know where we are.
Me: Yea, like “Welcome to Splendora Sonic, how may I help you?” And then we’re like, “What?! WHAT DID YOU SAY! Guurrrrl, I thought I was in Atlanta!”

Joe: Wait, rewind that. I think I saw that girl's underwear.
Danika: Spoken like a true guy. Stop, this is serious.
Joe: I am serious. Serious about seeing that girl's underwear.

oziel: Sarah, your underwear is giving me a wedgie.
me: Damn, Oziel. How weird was that statement?
oziel: Man, we’re the most dysfunctional friends ever.

justin: sarah, you're really scary when you're mad. like, you're just not like other girls, you'll just haul off and punch me. and you don't hit like a pussy either.
jeremy: yea, you gave me a bruise from yesterday, and you didn't even put force behind it.
justin: you're a monster!

lexy: Sarah, if you were a guy...I'd bang the shit out of you.

me: I don't want to come to practice.
donovan: Use the church excuse, Sarah.
me: Donovan, I haven't been to church since Jesus died.

me: I'm bored.
shelby: Me, too. Let's play a game.
me: Like what?
shelby: Lesbian.
me: I don't know how to play that one, sorry.

kayla: I drew a stickman, and he had Bill hair, and a microphone.
me: Oh, that's attractive.
kayla: Aren't all stickmen, Sarah?

miranda: She wants to fight Amber.
me: Yea, but we all know she won't do anything. She's a little vagina.
miranda: God, Sarah. I love the way you say things.

me: Every single shirt I have, I bought at a concert.
james: It's like 'I didn't buy this at Hot Topic! I'm not mallcore...I'm hardcore!'

josh: Do you guys sweat really bad when you play your instrument, or is that just me?

alex: He didn't buy one, Sarah.
me: Take off the bandana, he probably thought you were in a gang.

me: We did our marching drill today.
jani: Really, how'd you do?
me: I totally raped Bryan's group.
bryan: Sarah, you did not!
me: Oh, yea. I smacked that ass.

josh: Irish people are lame, Sarah.
me: I'm Irish.
josh: I mean...Irish people are cool!
me: Ooh! Nicely done!

jani: Sarah, why are you cleaning out your closet?
me: ......because I'm Eminem.

miranda: Sarah is like AHHH when it comes to The Used.
connor: Sarah is like AHHH all the times.

aaron: Sarah, I got to stop hanging out with you.
me: What, why?
aaron: You're a bad influence.
me: No wayyy jose.
aaron: Sarah, what the fuck?! My name isn’t Jose. You’re such a shitty friend.

rukshaur: I'd be a whore if I wasn't Asian.
me:Odd. I thought most whores WERE Asian.

terrin: You're such a sexy kitty, Sarah. You make all the boy kitties go MEOW!!!

mom:did you take something from this house that doesn't belong to you?
me: no. is something missing?
mom:yes. it's white.
me: like a pillow or something?
mom: it's an appliance.
me: like, what? a toaster?
ken: it's a butt plug.
me: see, this is why i don't live with you guys. because you HAVE buttplugs. and then you accuse me of stealing your buttplugs. what the hell?

casey: what time is it?
me: i'm not telling you.
casey: just tell me what time it is.
me: no way.
casey: what time is it?!
me: seven minutes past you need to shut the hell up.

katie: sarah, take off your purity ring!
me: why? is coach lewis here?!

me:jesus loves you.
josh: does he really?
me: yea, but everyone else thinks you're a jerk.

mr. barnes: when i moved to texas, i found out what a fajita was. i thought everything was a taco.

ms. davis:good afternoon sarah, how was the kings of leon concert?
me: amazing, stupdendous, i cried.
ms.davis: no you did not?!
me: yea, i did. three times.

mom, staring at a picture of kings of leon: all these guys are fucked up.
me: no, they're just happy.
mom: this one is too fucked up to even look straight!

oziel: i went skating this weekend.
me: i sat on a rockstars finger.
oziel: that beats my story by a mile.
me: don't worry, your time will come.

....