Myths and Facts About Domestic Violence

MYTH: Violence is really only an isolated event. There isn't much of it happening.

REALITY: Between one million and four million women are abused by a partner each year in the United States.

MYTH: Domestic violence only happens to poor people or minorities.

REALITY: Abuse can happen in all types of households, in any kind of relationship (gay or straight, young or old) regardless of race, economic background or educational level.

MYTH: The victim makes the partner hit them by "getting in their face." They ask for it.

REALITY: Every relationship has arguments and stress, but most people don't hit others when they get angry. An abuser has limited skills to deal with stress. And no matter what, you can't control how someone else behaves.

MYTH: Victims of domestic violence never leave their abusers.

REALITY: Most victims try to leave their abusers several times. Because abusers use violence, financial control, or threats to hurt the children in order to keep the victim in the relationship, it takes an average number of 6 times before victims leave for good. ..

MYTH: The victim actually enjoys the attention, likes or needs the violence, or is "always a victim."

REALITY: Victims of domestic violence desperately want the abuse to end. Many victims call the police and seek help from family and friends to protect themselves. Some victims endure beatings to keep the abuser from attacking the children. The abuser's violence is the abuser's reponsibility.

MYTH: Low self-esteem causes victims to get involved in abusive relationships.

REALITY: Some victims may have low self-esteem as a result of being abused, but there is little to support the theory that low self-esteem causes victims to become involved in abusive relationships. Studies have shown that most survivors of domestic violence do not share common characteristics other than being female.

MYTH: The abuser is a sick or crazy monster, or is angry all the time.

REALITY: An abuser can be passive, a "nice person" who is generous to others and sensitive. Anyone could be an abuser. Abusers often have a Dr. Jeckyll/Mr. Hyde personality, where they act differently to their partner than they do to the rest of the world.

MYTH: Alcohol or substance abuse is the cause of violence.

REALITY: Most abusers hit whether drunk or sober, though substance use may increase the frequency or severity of violent episodes. Alcohol/substance abuse does not cause abusers to beat their partners, though it is frequently used as an excuse. Even if an abuser gets treatment for a drug or alcohol problem, the abuse may not go away because they are two separate problems.

Help is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through interpreter services. If you or someone you know is frightened about something in your relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.

Violence and More Violence....

Unlike sociopaths/psychopaths who simply cheat on their wives or defraud people, the violent ones tend to get the attention of law enforcement. Dr. Hare found that 25% of the men in a treatment program for wife assault were psychopaths. And, he says, about half of serial rapists are psychopaths.

Psychopaths make up 1% of the general population, but 25% of the prison population, according to Dr. Hare. "Violence is not uncommon among offender populations, but psychopaths still manage to stand out," he says. "They commit more than twice as many violent and aggressive acts, both in and out of prison, as do other criminals."

When they get out of jail, they often return to crime. "The recidivism rate of psychopaths is about double that of other offenders," Dr. Hare says. "The violent recidivism rate of psychopaths is about triple that of other offenders."

These people do not change. You will not be able to help them. If you see violence—any kind of violence—get away.

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Cut It Out...

is a program of the Salons Against Domestic Abuse Fund dedicated to mobilizing salon professionals and others to fight the epidemic of domestic abuse in communities across the United States. CUT IT OUT builds awareness of domestic abuse and trains salon professionals to recognize warning signs and safely refer clients to local resources.

Why the Salon Professional

The relationship between a client and a salon professional is usually based on trust built up over time. Because of the intimate and nurturing nature of the relationship, a salon professional—who often sees a client on a regular basis—can often spot signs of physical abuse that others may never see. A change in a client’s behavior can also be easily recognized by a salon professional.

Research shows that most battered women never call the police or go to a shelter. However, they do usually talk about the abuse with someone they trust. Because salon professionals are skilled and experienced listeners who are personally interested in their clients, many women suffering from abuse feel comfortable confiding in them—even if the abused women would never tell anyone else. In addition, because a salon is usually an all-female environment, it may be one of the few places that a battered woman is allowed to go without her abuser.

Statistics indicate that one out of every three women is abused at some time in her life. Since salon professionals each see around 200 clients every 4 to 6 weeks, they potentially are in contact with a lot of abused women. They have a unique opportunity to reach victims that domestic violence professionals may never see. With proper training to recognize abuse and to steer victims to help, salon professionals can become invaluable and influential community partners in the fight against domestic abuse.

Domestic violence is a term applied to a variety of behaviors, inclusive of, though not restricted to, physical violence, sexual violence, intimidation, stalking, economic abuse, and psychological/emotional abuse. The ultimate goal of the abuser in an domestically violent relationship is to gain control over the victim. When one person in a relationship repeatedly scares, hurts or puts down the other person, IT IS ABUSE. Abuse is much more than slapping or grabbing someone.