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In the beginning, there was a world stripped of passion, bereft of humor and without soul, where all that could be heard consisted of bled-out emo bands, angry thrash prog metal and marching band arrangements of previously awesome songs. The people became mindless drones in a dark gray world of emo music, and for a time, all was thought lost.
However, a small spark existed, in the various forms of Adam Selvey, Aaron Banister, Zak Ryan and Vince Provenzale, a quartet of as of yet unknown but indomitable musicians determined to upend the pathetic, downtrodden lives of all those around them. Burning with musical fire, armed with only a drum kit, a bass guitar, two electric guitars, and far, far too much pent-up joy and testosterone, the formidable four combined and made their valiant stand against the oppressive music scene. Conjuring Tenacious D, Zak rent the air with his vicious power chords, while Aaron channeled Paul McCartney and Flea through his Thunderbird bass, shaking the foundations everywhere, as Vince flooded the people with wicked Clapton-esque riffs, and Selvey smote the world with the combined ferocity and thundering grooves of Animal, Travis Barker and John Henry Bonham. 'Twas an epic battle, and when the final note was struck, all was still for seven long days.
As the smoke cleared, it was evident that good had triumphed. As the three and a half men (sorry Vince) leaped through the air for a glorious crowd surfing, emo bands lay everywhere, bleeding (typical), as their gothic metal brethren dragged their chains and sorry asses back from whence they came. The sun shone through the clouds, the sky turned blue and the people were so overjoyed that they were procreating in the streets. Good, happy music had
won the day.
And they were Schwing.
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