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I WILL NOT SPAM YOU! I hate that as much as you do. If I want to give you running updates on what I'm doing, well, that's what my blog is for, right? I'll keep the bulletins to a minimum, and keep them relevant. Promise.

OK, let's get on with the stupid bio stuff......

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Knocking around at the start of Space-Time, The Seej Force decided that a life as an abstract concept was no fun when all the cool energy was becoming quarks and gluons and stuff, so it watched, waited, scratched it's Astral Nuts a bit, then transmuted itself into matter.

Unfortunately it became a rock. That was just stupid. I mean, it seemed like a good choice at the time, but then we got things like complex carbon-based compounds, and they seemed to be having all the fun, bastards. Do you know how long the existence of a rock is? Bloody ages, that's how long. Still, live and learn, eh?

Eventually, Seej managed to negotiate the Celestial Change of Existance form (all ten billion pages of it) and became some DNA instead. Took forever to complete though, and to this day he still hates all forms. And tie-breakers suck too.

After a couple of million millennia of copying himself (badly) left, right and centre across the cosmos, Seej's crude physical form attained awareness. Shortly thereafter, it also attained awesomeness. In generations to come it would also attain gender, and before all those other organisms too. As the first male in existance it was a pretty lonely wait for the first female. Let me tell you, The Bible takes serious liberties with the truth here.

So, skipping the millions of years of all that Darwin stuff, let's just pick out a few highlights. It was Seej who wiped out the dinosaurs. He told them he'd just had enough of reptiles and they weren't cool any more. They cried themselves to extinction. Whoops.

Seej was also the missing link. He was missing just because he got lost on his way to the shops. Long story short, he also invented strip clubs on the same day.

Seej was the first person to ever make music, dance, or eat really spicy chillies. Again, these things all happened on the same day. Seej never thought it would catch on really, but you mortals and your fads, I dunno....

Around 5000 BC Seej decided it would be a really cool idea to not just have one-on-one fights, but to get a really big gang of people to all invade another gang of people's territory and rather than just swapping papayas and beads like everyone had done until this point, to all have a massive ruck. 7000 years later, he's kinda surprised you guys are still doing it. It's so 6 millennia ago.

In the 17th century Seej made himself a big boat and decided that rather than bothering to earn his own way through the world with hard graft, it would be much better to nick other people's stuff. His passport, to this day, still lists his occupation as "Buccaneer" and his address as "The High Seas."

Back in the 60's Seej got concerned that Kennedy's planned visit to the Moon was tantamount to an invasion of his recreational Space-Pub's beer garden. You don't want to mess with a man's local, right? Deely Plaza, grassy knoll, bang bang, nudge nudge, wink wink, know what I'm saying?

Seej was Elvis. And all of The Beatles too. And also Bananarama.

Today Seej is making music. Slowly. Unfortunately, despite being the father of all life in the universe, some other dude calling himself Seej has already got that myspace address. No respect, these young-un's. Seej therefore reasoned that he should celebrate his creations of both writing and mathematics by appending his name with meaningless alphanumerics, hence Seej 500 was born. Well, not born really, more, um..... look, it's a figure of speech, OK?

A/V: Hey, look, Seej took an obsolete video camera, and with no budget, almost no time, and absolutely no experience he decided to make a film noir with a complete story that lasted 90 seconds. He then went on to win critical acclaim and a prize. You really aren't worthy, but why not compare him to Howard Hawks anyway?

Also, back in the olden days, Seej made some bootlegs. That's what we used to call mash-ups back before some record company folks decided to try to give the scene a corporate spin in a cunning yet ultimately quite unsuccessful attempt to make some money off of it. Ahhh, the glory days of GYBO v2, circa 2002. He's no longer making them available but if you ask around the bootleg community some of the veterans may be able to dig them out. A few were quite good. Others were quite bad. And then there's the Daphne and Celeste one he did for a dare. Definitely an acquired taste, that one...

Seej has now had quite enough of discussing himself in the third person. It's just weird. How come all these nobody artists have all written blurbs for themselves like that?