jack shamama

..Reading my controversial and challenging short story published in USERLANDS: NEW WRITING FROM THE BLOGGING UNDERGROUND, edited by Dennis Cooper, available now by CLICKING HERE, My boyfriend Eric's museum-quality ass, expensive things that look cheap and ordinary, cheap things that look expensive and unique, Jonathan Adler and his vases, Kid Robot, old large-format Interview Magazines, being a self-made internet celebrity, Jean-Michel Basquiat, Liquid Sky (the movie, not the now-defunct store) pork chops, Buffalo Chicken Wings, Kath and Kim, bacon, Stereolab, Alexander Girard, most parts of the pig expect for the feet and parts of the face for that matter, habanero peppers, Reese's Big Cup, lobstah dipped in melted buttah, lemon-flavored cakes, winning awards, Holly Woodlawn, Laura Brannigan, Joan Didion, Jackie Curtis, buying things for my kitchen that I never use, surprising my boyfriend with frivolous and expensive gifts for no reason because I love him THAT MUCH (it also helps that money is no object for me), eBay, Matt Sterling (RIP), Suite Life of Zach and Cody and anything else starring Tween Sensations Dylan and Cole Sprouse (execpt for when they're playing along side Adam Sandler or when they're being JT LeRoy -- I fucking HATE her!!!), Adult Swim, Z-list celebrities, Hayao Miyazaki, Marcel Proust, bleach pens, Miami Beach to visit for very short periods of time to remind myself why I left, Tide To Go, my massive Pez collection, Alice (the classic TV Show) and "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore, the classic movie from which the TV show was based, Stephen Sprouse, Sarah Silverman and her hit show "The Sarah Silverman Program" as well as when she is on "Crank Yankers" Johnny Castle, Jeremy Penn, fruit salad that's only berries, pineapple and citrus -- none of that melon crap that no one likes but they just put in as filler, Guided By Voices and Robert Pollard, Method Cleaning Products and Hand Sanitizers, my boyfriend Eric, Mies Van der Rohe's buildings but his furniture doesn't really thrill me, a few select songs by Joni Mitchell, not doing work, procrastinating, almost anything that has sugar in it but especially Cereal that has sugar in it, salty high-fat snack food, Red Vines, Chocolate Twizlers, Joanna Newsom but her cousin Gavin -- not so much, Shaye St. John, Gumby, the Shins, being from Brooklyn, Haribo Gummy Bears (clear ones especially!) Grace Jones' aura, Harmony Korine movies, most cleaning products but especially Method cleaning products (did I already say that?), Pokey, my boyfriend Eric, the giant pile of sneakers in my closet that I never wear but hate to throw out, the excellent collage work of Rex Ray, especially as featured on the cover of High Risk Books, video game celebrities Zelda & Link, closed-circuit TV, hamburgers (especially when they are spelled "Hamburgahz", chairs and toys designed by Charles and Ray Eames, music, Googling myself, The New Pornographer (the band as well as any real "New Pornographers" out there), people who have no tattoos or piercings or body modifications of any kind what so ever (like, for example, my boyfriend Eric), TV and all it's channels, When Garfield get into the lasagna (fucking FUNNY ... that shit does NOT get old!), Netflix -- if they only they had the balls to stock porn), Of Montreal's psychedelic and layered album, "Hissing Fauna Are You The Destroyer?", Dennis Cooper's fiction and non-fiction and blog -- all of which changed my life, old movies, new movies, in-between movies, the 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System, Wii, Jackie Curtis, Holly Woodlawn, pre-condom classics, things that tickle, Gary Indiana (the writer, not the city), VH1 Classic, my boyfriend Eric, shopping for underwear (have you tried 2(x)ist's new "Soy" underwear? They're soft and somehow environmentally friendly), Duck Confit, Dean Phoenix, Dark Phoenix, The Olsen Twins before they had breasts and became the ersatz anorexic spokes models for Starbucks, Matt Ramsey, JonBenet Ramsey, Ramses II, modern-style art that's controversial and challenging, like the controversial and challenging Art of Jeff Koons, Swiffer brand cleaning products (contrary to popular belief it's Swiffer, not Swifter -- sort of like, plastic toys from Japan, Chicago-style hot dogs, Dirk Yates, watching cooking shows but NEVER cooking, non-chocolate and non-fruit flavored Pop Tarts (i.e. Maple ones or Smores ones), the kids from Degrassi St., looking at pictures of Sufjan Stevens and also listening to his music (but if I had to choose one, I'd pick looking at his pictures), having my inhaler on me at all times, not acting my age, Moral Oral, oral sex, Daniel Cartier -- the scruffy but lovable singer/songwriter with the tattoos on his head (I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried!!!), gay Ken dolls, Morrissey forever, my boyfriend Eric, Lucian Freud, my boyfriend Eric, after school specials, sugar-free Red Bull, Nan Goldin, the Pixies, Sandra Bernhard, sausage, my iPod, the enduring erotic legacy of Wash West nee Westmorland, saying "Foncy" instead of "Fancy", kids who aren't bratty, John Casavettes, biting my nails till they bleed, my boyfriend Eric, Brett Easton Ellis, most forms of Japanese food that does not involve fish (raw or cooked -- one bite could kill me!), Small Wonder's Vicki the Robot, dirty pictures, dirty magazines, jogging through the park on a Sunday morning with my boyfriend is like Heroin (ok, that's a stretch), Mike Branson, mosiac artist Jason Mecier, John Waters (especially when he talks about art with Bruce Hanley, one of the greatest living writers alive today of our time) Xiu Xiu's handsome and brooding frontman Jamie Stewart, saving doodles I make on little scraps of paper that I draw in boring meetings that one day will be worth lots and lots of money, Guided By Voices, Sterolab, Moldy Peaches, spending money recklessly, amateur porn, professional porn, working out, Tetris DS, most of the shows on HBO, throwing one of my five iPods on the ground to watch it explode when I put it on random play and it only puts on terrible songs, dirty movies, anything dirty really, Japanese toys, Rosemary's Baby, Barrett Long's penis and delightfully pendulous ball sack, making people recount awkward sexual memories from childhood, pretending my life is a giant performance art piece, child stars gone bad, child stars gone dead, avoiding yellow lighters (they killed Dana Plato!!!!), starting paintings but never finishing them, dogs with smushy faces, working out if only because it gives me good reason to stare at myself in the mirror for hours at a time, filling out forms about myself. In closing, I don't think I can accurately convey how obsessed I am with Andy Warhol. Example? I have pretend conversations with him in my head all the time. ..