Eric Shantz
Stand-Up / Rated R / As Seen on TV
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Comedians don’t mean anything by what we say, but what we say means everything.
Male
19 years old
Dublin, Ireland / Hollywood, CA
United States
Last Login: 11/3/2009
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Mood:
accomplished
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View My:
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Eric Shantz's Comedian Bio
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| Website | youtube.com/ericshantz |
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Eric Shantz's Interests
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| General |
Standup Comedy... Traveling... Sex... Sleeping in... Hanging out at the beach... Watching a good movie... Blazin up at the end of long day... Anything Irish... Mountain Dew... Kronenbourg... Penn State... Buffalo Wings... Steelers... And Ben and fuckin Jerry's Brownie Fudge Ice Cream...
| | Music | Welcome to the Shantz Top Twenty Countdown!
20. Shantzes Are - Johnny Mathis
19. You Make me Feel Like Shantzing - Leo Sayer
18. Last Shantz - Donna Summer
17. Shantzing In The Streets - Mick Jagger/David Bowie
16. Shantzing On The Ceiling - Lionel Ritchie
15. Politics Of Shantzing - Reflex
14. Buffalo Shantz - Neneh Cherry
13. Shantz To The Music - Sly and the Family Stone
12. Let's Shantz - David Bowie
11. Shantzing Queen
10. Take A Shantz On Me - ABBA Rock Block!
9. Shantzing In The Dark - Bruce Springsteen
8. All She Wants To Do Is Shantz - Don Henley
7. Shantzing With Myself - Billy Idol
6. Private Shantzer - Tina Turner
5. Safety Shantz - Men Without Hats
4. I Wanna Shantz With Somebody - Whitney Houston
3. The Humpty Shantz - Digital Underground
2. Tiny Shantzer - Elton John
AND - At number one on our countdown.......
Sit On My Face - Eric Idle and Harry Parr Davies
Thanks for listening!
| | Movies | GUESS THE MOVIE
QUOTE..1:
1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I've always wanted and now I have it. I rule!
QUOTE..2
I think in all fairness, I should explain to you exactly what it is that I do. For instance tomorrow morning ill get up nice and early, take a walk down over to the bank and... walk in and see and uh... if you don't have my money for me, I'll... crack your fuckin' head wide-open in front of everybody in the bank. And just about the time that I'm comin' out of jail, hopefully, you'll be coming out of your coma. And guess what? I'll split your fuckin' head open again. 'Cause I'm fuckin' stupid. I don't give a fuck about jail. That's my business. That's what I do.
QUOTE..3
ACTOR1: Why, it's the drunk piano player. You're so drunk, you can't hit nothin'. In fact, you're probably seeing double. [Cowboy draws a knife, and Doc Holliday takes out a second gun]
ACTOR2: I have two guns, one for each of ya.
QUOTE..4
God damn you Walter! You fuckin' asshole! Everything's a fuckin' travesty with you, man! And what was all that shit about Vietnam? What the FUCK, has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking about?
QUOTE..5
I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone's *really* hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from. Okay? You're a bad man. You're a bad man, Mikey. You're a bad man, bad man.
QUOTE..6
Go fuck yourself, San Diego.
QUOTE..7
ACTOR 1: Give me a double bacon cheeseburger.
ACTOR 2: [into mic] Double baco cheeseburger. It's for a cop.
ACTOR 1: What the hell's that all about? You gonna spit in it now?
ACTOR 2: No, I just told him that so he makes it good.
ACTOR 2: [into mic] Don't spit in that cop's burger.
ACTOR 1: Yeah, thanks.
ACTOR 3: Roger, holding the spit.
ACTOR 1: Gimme a pie... apple.
ACTOR 2: Want me to hold the spit? Hah, just kidding officer Farva.
[pause]
ACTOR 2: Want me to dimpa-size your meal for 25 cents?
ACTOR 1: Want me to punch-a-size your face, for free?
ACTOR 2: It's only 25 cents, and look how much more you get.
ACTOR 4: Look, kid, he doesn't want it.
ACTOR 1: I can handle this, Thorn. I don't want it!
ACTOR 2: Uhh, right. Beverage?
ACTOR 1: Gimme a litre o' cola.
ACTOR 2: What?
ACTOR 1: [Annoyed] A litre o' cola.
ACTOR 2: [into mic] Litrecola? Do we sell litrecola?
ACTOR 4: Will you just order a large, Farva?
ACTOR 1: I don't want a large farva. I want a goddamn litre o' cola!
ACTOR 2: [to Farva] I don't know what that is!
ACTOR 1: [slowly starts shouting] Litre is French for...
[grabs burger kid by shirt]
ACTOR 1: ... give me my fuckin' cola before I break VOUS FUCKIN' LIP!
QUOTE..8
Anything happens to her, I have a .45 and a shovel. I doubt anybody would miss you.
QUOTE..9
ACTOR 1:Why do I? -- I come in here -- instinctively -- first thing I do -- I'm looking for the exit -- I'm catching the sightlines -- I know I can't sit with my back to the door --
ACTOR 2: You're paranoid. You were shot. It's natural.
ACTOR 1: I can tell you the license plate numbers of all three cars out front. I can tell you that the waitress is left-handed and the guy at the counter weighs two-hundred and fifteen pounds and knows how to handle himself. I know that the best, first place to look for a gun is the cab of that grey truck outside. I know that at this altitude I can run flat out for half a mile before I lose my edge. I knew that you were my first, best option out of Zurich? How do I know all that? How can I know all that and not know who I am? How is that possible?
[Long dead pause.]
QUOTE..10
Hey, Sal, how come they ain't no brothas on the wall?
ANSWERS:
QUOTE..1
AMERICAN BEAUTY
QUOTE..2
CASINO
QUOTE..3
TOMBSTONE
QUOTE..4
THE BIG LEWBOWSKI
QUOTE..5
SWINGERS
QUOTE..6
ANCHOR MAN
QUOTE..7
SUPER TROOPERS
QUOTE..8
CLUELESS
QUOTE..9
BOURNE IDENTITY
QUOTE..10
DO THE RIGHT THING
| | Television | Boston Legal... Daily Show... Colbert Report... Scrubs... South Park... Family Guy... House...
| | Books | 1984
| | Heroes | Anyone who can step up and do what they love, THAT TAKES BALLS!!! |
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Eric Shantz's Details
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| Status: | In a Relationship | | Zodiac Sign: | Gemini | | Occupation: | STANDUP COMEDIAN |
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Eric Shantz's Companies
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Central Booking Office
Hollywood, CA US
shantzcomedy@yahoo.com
Standup Comedy
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1Iota Productions
Los Angeles, CA US
Audience Coordinator
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Lifestyle Media
Dublin, IE
Director of Entertainment
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Eric Shantz's Latest Blog Entry
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FUCK Aer Lingus, JetBlue & T.S.A.
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FUCK Carmen Brown
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FUCK LA Parking Enforcement
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FUCK Cingular Wireless
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FUCK the Pittsburgh FunnyBone
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Eric Shantz's Blurbs |
About me:
THE BIO
Shantz's first big push into stand-up comedy was on the WDVE Morning Show in Pittsburgh way back in September of '97. He's worked for such Hollywood television shows as; ABC's Jimmy Kimmel Live, MTV's Wild N' Out, and Spike TV's Scream Awards. He's performed regularly in Las Vegas at the Plaza Casino and was a member of The Rat Pack's The Friars of Beverly Hills.
After a decade of performing stand-up in the States, from New York to Los Angeles, Shantz decided to take his act across the pond to Europe. He’s established himself as a regular at the Laughter Lounge in Dublin, and when in London you can find him at The Comedy Store or Jongleurs Comedy Clubs.
His style is not for the faint of heart, it's primarily delivered in a light spirited stand-up routine presented as interactive casual conversation. Check out Eric Shantz as Sex, Drugs, and Money graphically serenade the audience.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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