(A quick theory)
I have this new theory that you should marry someone who you think you can have a happy divorce with. Not because you are statistically likely to end up that way. But more importantly, if you think you can have a happy divorce with another human being, than you likely have a solid friendship and high level of communication, which are the ingredients for an enduring marriage.
Getting married just because you are blindly in love can be dangerous to do, and getting married when you are not blindly in love can be fatal. The important thing to consider is that love is an ideal thing and marriage is a real thing, and that the confusion of the real and the ideal, never goes unpunished.
Thought of this while out last night in LA at a club called Area. Living in LA and participating in the club scene is like visiting the zoo. I am particularly amused by the monkeys and the big cats. ;-]
Happy Holidays,
Shawn
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10 of 37MoreThats different-makes sense. Or just dont get married......
huh. i've never been married but if and when i feel i may be getting close..i will definitely keep this in mind and also share this with others. good stuff! thanks!
..Love is an ideal thing and marriage is a real thing, and that the confusion of the real and the ideal, never goes unpunished.--Good thinking! U r wise!
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I think marriage may not be the best choice for most relationships. In Spain and many other European countries couples live together and have children together and stay together their entire lives. Our divorce rate is absurd here in the USA. Living together is not a bad thing. I know so many heterosexual couples who lived together here for years and it was all a bed of roses until they got married and things changed. Men sometimes blame women for not wanting sex once they're married. Well, I see many men stopping all the romance once they're married and well no wonder the girl no longer feels romanced~ which greatly promotes sexual feelings in women. You wouldn't get a car then stop making payments or forget about the maintenance and its kind of the same thing. Homosexual couples I know have stayed together for many years longer than most married couples I know. Kind of makes you wonder about the whole marriage thing. Maybe there should be marriage contracts for a couple of years, then they need to be renewed. I'll bet people would be willing to put more into it on a continual basis if that were the case. Commitment and communication is the key in any relationship. The problems start when people think only of themselves and what they want from the other person and not what they are willing to contribute to each other as a couple.
You are so right! :)
Many kisses from Nice.
I wish I would of thought of that before I got married....now divorced and dont even speak...so sad....but now I have learned a new lesson from reading this which will come in handy so thank you so very much.....
I read through part of a book in my marriage counselor's waiting room yesterday called 'Spiritual Divorce' that you might want to thumb through.
If something has been thrown in front of you that you must go over/under/around/through, it is probably for a good reason. The greater the challenge, the more you will learn and grow after you have tackled it. You're not going to grow as much from the things that come easily.
If you marry someone you will easily be separated from ... with minimal pain ... you probably shouldn't consider getting married in the first place.
But sometimes the greater challenge will be to stay together and struggle to work through issues ... and divorce is the easier way to not rise to the challenge before you.
Those are WISE thoughts, indeed! Wish you would have thought of them sooner, MySpace started 10 years ago, and I'd read this brilliant blog back then! lol
Thats sort of my reality right now and i kinda feel like im lucky cause its not mean or messy so your def' onto something!!
Forget MySpace . . you should write a book & it should be required reading in high school before falling in "love." Read a few of your blog & wish more men were as candid as you are instead of palying macho man games. You rock!