This is where you get to know me, unless of course that's you in the van across the street. Nice binoculars. If it is you over there I'm sorry I got that Chinese finger puzzle stuck on my penis. I'm even more sorry I refused to close the blinds while I tried in vain to remove it. Well, not that sorry.
Music
You hear that too? Good. Now Mr. Spock, to your three terraced Vulcan love tamborine and play that tune the way you do, with much VIM AND VIGOR!
Movies
I hear from the rumpus in the trades that moving pictures are quite the revolution in entertainment for the leisure of the everyman. Actually, I only watch movies about cavemen with laser beam eyes who battle snow Mexicans (see also the Inuit). Subsequently I watch very few films.
Television
Oh sure. I know how this little scam works. I tell you, then you tell the Neilsen people. Then before you know it all we have to watch are shows about monkeys dressing up like Vanna White and living together in an airstream trailer. No, no... Fool me once.
Books
You know if you pronounce Ballzac, ballsack, it makes the librarian blush.
Heroes
I wish super heros were fat. Why aren't they fat? How the hell do they get in shape anyway? What's superman gonna bench press? I wanna be a fat super hero like the Kentucky Fried Ass Kicker or Gorge of the jungle or something..yeah... Blah blah blah....I just like to hear myself type. ..
I like the way the sub-field for this reads "Talent." Like any strategically shaved monkey couldn't grab a microphone and do as good if not better a job than the majority of comics out there. Stupid job stealing monkeys.
A quick heads up on this one. If you use the terms; craft, journey, telling the truth, in the moment, art of emotion or any other such nonsense to describe acting, then odds are you are not so much an actor as a pain in the ass. Get over yourself.
this is simon king. is in your extended network. view more
About me: Some people say I resemble Astro Boy. Some people also say "Hey you better put your pants on if you're gonna be in the art gallery!" and then I'm all like "DON'T YOU TRY TO IMPEDE MY ENJOYMENT OF THESE FINE WORKS FROM GOYAS BLACK CANVAS PERIOD! DON'T TREAD ON ME MAN! VIVA LE REVOLUTION!" and they're all like "HEY YOU WANNA PIECE OF ME? I MAY BE A SEVENTY YEAR OLD ONE LEGGED MIDGET LESBIAN WITH ASTHMA BUT I'M PRETTY DAMN SURE I'M KICKING SOME ASS TODAY AND THAT ASS IS GONNA BE YOURS PAL!"....and then we make out.
Sometimes I'm sad.
Who I'd like to meet: I AM HAVE WEBSITE INTERNETS PLACE! PLEASE TO SEE IT FOR PERFORMANCE AND NOISE MAKING NEAR YOU SOMETIMES!
www.thisissimonking.com
Bet you don't know the difference between indoor and outdoor cats. Lachlan tries to figure it out on Hulu See all Candor TV's exclusive stand up on its home at CandorTV.com
Do me a favor and go here: http://www. rifftrax. com/iriffs-contest and vote for me (America's Favorite Guy). You can also buy some of them if you want, but make sure and at least vote for me. Thanks!
Your now 84? wow you have gotten a lot older since I saw you last.. it feels like it was just months ago :P looking good for 84 hahaha! How is everything going for you Simon?
I see you live in hollywood now! lets meet up and hang some night and also let me know where you are gonna be performing.. I want to check out another show. you rock man
That town could use some more Canadian flavor. Speaking of which, would you mind smuggling some down?;) Guess I'll be seeing ya in October. Stay senile, my friend.
