This is where you get to know me, unless of course that's you in the van across the street. Nice binoculars. If it is you over there I'm sorry I got that Chinese finger puzzle stuck on my penis. I'm even more sorry I refused to close the blinds while I tried in vain to remove it. Well, not that sorry.
Music
You hear that too? Good. Now Mr. Spock, to your three terraced Vulcan love tamborine and play that tune the way you do, with much VIM AND VIGOR!
Movies
I hear from the rumpus in the trades that moving pictures are quite the revolution in entertainment for the leisure of the everyman. Actually, I only watch movies about cavemen with laser beam eyes who battle snow Mexicans (see also the Inuit). Subsequently I watch very few films.
Television
Oh sure. I know how this little scam works. I tell you, then you tell the Neilsen people. Then before you know it all we have to watch are shows about monkeys dressing up like Vanna White and living together in an airstream trailer. No, no... Fool me once.
Books
You know if you pronounce Ballzac, ballsack, it makes the librarian blush.
Heroes
I wish super heros were fat. Why aren't they fat. How the hell do they get in shape anyway. What's superman gonna bench press? I wanna be a fat super hero like the Kentucky Fried Ass Kicker or Gorge of the jungle or something..yeah... Blah blah blah....I just like to hear myself type. ..
I like the way the sub-field for this reads "Talent." Like any strategically shaved monkey couldn't grab a microphone and do as good if not better a job than the majority of comics out there. Stupid job stealing monkeys.
A quick heads up on this one. If you use the terms; craft, journey, telling the truth, in the moment, art of emotion or any other such nonsense to describe acting, then odds are you are not so much an actor as a pain in the ass. Get over yourself.
About me: Some people say I resemble Astro Boy. Some people also say "Hey you better put your pants on if you're gonna be in the art gallery!" and then I'm all like "DON'T YOU TRY TO IMPEDE MY ENJOYMENT OF THESE FINE WORKS FROM GOYAS BLACK CANVAS PERIOD! DON'T TREAD ON ME MAN! VIVA LE REVOLUTION!" and they're all like "HEY YOU WANNA PIECE OF ME? I MAY BE A SEVENTY YEAR OLD ONE LEGGED MIDGET LESBIAN WITH ASTHMA BUT I'M PRETTY DAMN SURE I'M KICKING SOME ASS TODAY AND THAT ASS IS GONNA BE YOURS PAL!"....and then we make out.
Sometimes I'm sad.
Who I'd like to meet: I AM HAVE WEBSITE INTERNETS PLACE! PLEASE TO SEE IT FOR PERFORMANCE AND NOISE MAKING NEAR YOU SOMETIMES!
www.thisissimonking.com
I see you live in hollywood now! lets meet up and hang some night and also let me know where you are gonna be performing.. I want to check out another show. you rock man
That town could use some more Canadian flavor. Speaking of which, would you mind smuggling some down?;) Guess I'll be seeing ya in October. Stay senile, my friend.
It was lovely to see you as well, we laughed until we had to pee, but I wouldn't leave because I didn't want to miss anything. Jason did though, sucka! It's okay we missed eachother, I'm sure we'll meet again one day old friend. Stay gold Ponyboy, stay gold.
I don't want anyone to know we talk so I'll post it all on myspace. Nice to see all the headline gigs my friend I have some coming up as well. We've come a long way since Loose Caboose.
I'm still pretty sure the funniest thing I've ever seen was your triple layered impression of De niro, Jet Li, and Chris Walken. I thought of it today and I laughed out loud on the bus.
KING SIMON!! Your attendance is requested at The Hunter Cometh cd release party. sat may 12th. media club. We'll be on by 12, doors at 930
Bring your kung fu
Nathan
How typical of you people... You headline yuks - then suddenly - the little people, who have been there, sitting in back corners, laughing away, feeding your needs, stalking from a far, patently waiting to find out where you drink coffee, so I can go and add to my collection of used Simon King coffee stir sticks (132 ) – are invisible to you…
WELL that’s IT mister! I’m throwing out all the sticks – and I was going to use them to make a pyramid to hang over my bed. That pyramid would have focused the cosmic comedy energy in to my head when I sleep.
And I’ll prove I’m not a myth, Thursday when you get home from the Sylvia – you’ll find all those pages of your notes that I’ve stolen over the years, wrinkled and smudged with my lonely disappointed tears. I’ll put the doll I spent 9 months making with your hairs I carefully picked off your seat after each show against your door. You can put him (little SK as I like to call him) on your mantle as a reminder not to forget the little people.
I’m also taking my gps tracking device off your isuzu (you never even use your lotus handling – I could have followed on my BMX bike) – and I’ll have my mini web camera out of your kitchen (no more breakfast with the King) by Friday.
Ian Burns – You are up next – I hope you eat the same time as me – I get so lonely in the mornings. If you notice the difference in the smoked detector in your kitchen, just smile! I’m watchin you.
