this is simon king.
"unfamous."

Male
83 years old
Hollywood, California
United States



Last Login:7/20/2008
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   Contacting this is simon king.

 MySpace URL: 
  http://www.myspace.com/simon_king  

    this is simon king.'s Interests
GeneralThis is where you get to know me, unless of course that's you in the van across the street. Nice binoculars. If it is you over there I'm sorry I got that Chinese finger puzzle stuck on my penis. I'm even more sorry I refused to close the blinds while I tried in vain to remove it. Well, not that sorry.
MusicYou hear that too? Good. Now Mr. Spock, to your three terraced Vulcan love tamborine and play that tune the way you do, with much VIM AND VIGOR!
MoviesI hear from the rumpus in the trades that moving pictures are quite the revolution in entertainment for the leisure of the everyman. Actually, I only watch movies about cavemen with laser beam eyes who battle snow Mexicans (see also the Inuit). Subsequently I watch very few films.
TelevisionOh sure. I know how this little scam works. I tell you, then you tell the Neilsen people. Then before you know it all we have to watch are shows about monkeys dressing up like Vanna White and living together in an airstream trailer. No, no... Fool me once.
BooksYou know if you pronounce Ballzac, ballsack, it makes the librarian blush.
HeroesI wish super heros were fat. Why aren't they fat. How the hell do they get in shape anyway. What's superman gonna bench press? I wanna be a fat super hero like the Kentucky Fried Ass Kicker or Gorge of the jungle or something..yeah... Blah blah blah....I just like to hear myself type. ..
Groups: Stand-up ComicsComedians of MySpaceComedians CornerThe Green RoomVancouverLA Comedians

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     this is simon king.'s Details
Status:In a Relationship
Orientation:Straight
Hometown:Me from England. Me is good talking English.
Body type:5' 10"
Zodiac Sign:Virgo
Smoke / Drink:No / Yes
Occupation:Hilarionaut

   this is simon king.'s Schools
LANGLEY FINE ARTS SCHOOL
Fort Langley, Canada
Graduated: N/A
Student status: Alumni
 

1996 to 1997

   this is simon king.'s Networking
Theatre - Drama - Acting
Unlike most actors I would not blow a Zebra for a chance at a part on "CSI."
Television - Talent - Comedian
I like the way the sub-field for this reads "Talent." Like any strategically shaved monkey couldn't grab a microphone and do as good if not better a job than the majority of comics out there. Stupid job stealing monkeys.
Film - Drama - Acting
A quick heads up on this one. If you use the terms; craft, journey, telling the truth, in the moment, art of emotion or any other such nonsense to describe acting, then odds are you are not so much an actor as a pain in the ass. Get over yourself.



this is simon king. is in your extended network.

this is simon king.'s Latest Blog Entry  [Subscribe to this Blog]

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   this is simon king.'s Blurbs
About me:
Some people say I resemble Astro Boy. Some people also say "Hey you better put your pants on if you're gonna be in the art gallery!" and then I'm all like "DON'T YOU TRY TO IMPEDE MY ENJOYMENT OF THESE FINE WORKS FROM GOYAS BLACK CANVAS PERIOD! DON'T TREAD ON ME MAN! VIVA LE REVOLUTION!" and they're all like "HEY YOU WANNA PIECE OF ME? I MAY BE A SEVENTY YEAR OLD ONE LEGGED MIDGET LESBIAN WITH ASTHMA BUT I'M PRETTY DAMN SURE I'M KICKING SOME ASS TODAY AND THAT ASS IS GONNA BE YOURS PAL!"....and then we make out. Sometimes I'm sad.
Who I'd like to meet:
I AM HAVE WEBSITE INTERNETS PLACE! PLEASE TO SEE IT FOR PERFORMANCE AND NOISE MAKING NEAR YOU SOMETIMES! www.thisissimonking.com

   this is simon king.'s Friend Space (Top 8)
this is simon king. has 410 friends.
 U.S. Comedy Arts Festival 


 Just For Laughs 


 Vancouver Global ComedyFest 


 Comedy International 


 Hollywood Improv 


 YukYuksVancouver 


 No NaMe CoMiCs 


 World-Famous Seattle Comedy Underground 





this is simon king.'s Friends Comments
Displaying 50 of 281 comments  ( View All | Add Comment )
JOSH WINOT





Jul 11 2008 7:14 PM

I see you live in hollywood now! lets meet up and hang some night and also let me know where you are gonna be performing.. I want to check out another show.
you rock man
The Ed Galvez Punk House





Jul 11 2008 6:51 PM

Free Beer - Every Friday & Saturday At 11pm





Jun 23 2008 12:47 AM

Free Beer. Great Comedians.
Every Friday & Saturday 11pm

..
www. twelveshinynickels. com
David Tsonos





Jun 13 2008 11:02 AM

Why are we both online to myspace?
Kelsey Fiona





May 25 2008 12:38 PM

you're my hero
Jesus Fucking Christ





May 20 2008 6:29 PM

Jesus FUCKING loves you.
Caprice Stand-up Comedy Sundays





May 12 2008 5:39 PM

Create your own banner at mybannermaker.com!
Roy Haber - Comedian/Actor/Cynical Bastard





Mar 9 2008 3:29 PM

That town could use some more Canadian flavor. Speaking of which, would you mind smuggling some down?;) Guess I'll be seeing ya in October. Stay senile, my friend.
Roy Haber - Comedian/Actor/Cynical Bastard





Mar 9 2008 1:54 PM

How long are you sticking around LA this time out? I'm on the road til October and then I'm back for good. Sorta.
r
JOSH WINOT





Jan 26 2008 8:20 PM

when the hell is gooch gonna get on myspace?? you in LA yet?
ayma





Jan 11 2008 8:55 PM

heroo!!

It was lovely to see you as well, we laughed until we had to pee, but I wouldn't leave because I didn't want to miss anything. Jason did though, sucka! It's okay we missed eachother, I'm sure we'll meet again one day old friend. Stay gold Ponyboy, stay gold.
JOSH WINOT





Jan 9 2008 10:48 PM

well def hit me up when your here! best of luck with the shows too! you made my ass laugh so hard. haha gay robot
JOSH WINOT





Jan 9 2008 4:47 PM

when you coming to LA?
David Tsonos





Jan 2 2008 9:40 AM

I stole your posting Idea. Try to stop me.
Midol Girl





Dec 22 2007 2:10 AM

Youre up late. Why is no one on myspace anymore? it's a dead zone now.
David Tsonos





Dec 6 2007 9:08 AM

I don't want anyone to know we talk so I'll post it all on myspace. Nice to see all the headline gigs my friend I have some coming up as well. We've come a long way since Loose Caboose.
Midol Girl





Sep 29 2007 1:53 PM

Hollywood. Yuk.
Midol Girl





Sep 28 2007 4:36 PM

Woh..a lotta gigs coming up.
Kerry





Sep 12 2007 7:50 AM

Simon, when are you coming to Calgary?

Did I hear right? You're moving to L.A.? Wowsa! If so, I'll for sure come and check you out next time I'm down there for work!
Marlo





Jul 22 2007 5:50 PM

Great show on Friday. Worked for me. Always a pleasure. Catch you next week at Stages.
isiskat





Jun 17 2007 12:21 AM

How funny are you?! Obese Jesus and Disney porn...fabulous! Top drawer my good man!
Mike Wolfe





Jun 16 2007 11:18 PM

POTATO!
ayma





May 23 2007 9:26 PM

i think you knew.

i know you.
Ivan Decker





May 12 2007 4:04 PM

Good work last night Monsieur King. Thank you for the ride. I dig the new wheels.
Mike Wolfe





May 11 2007 3:15 PM

See you tonight!
So excited I had to change my bed sheets... come to think of it... I might just have to throw out the whole mattress
Just Jack





May 4 2007 7:41 PM

Don't worry, you don't need to buy a Nazi-sled to fit into YT.
You do need a Starbucks to walk around the neighbourhood though. Hope to see you soon!
Just Jack





May 4 2007 8:49 AM

Thanks for joining last night! Can't wait to see you in the 'hood.
Victoria Pattison





May 3 2007 6:48 PM

Is your Spidey-Sense tingling???? See you tonight!
Ivan Decker





Apr 30 2007 4:32 PM

I'm still pretty sure the funniest thing I've ever seen was your triple layered impression of De niro, Jet Li, and Chris Walken. I thought of it today and I laughed out loud on the bus.
Kerry





Apr 27 2007 11:16 AM

Thank you. I found my inner Pussycat Doll. Please tell me you saw the show or this comment will be oh so nonsensical.
Ivan Decker





Apr 26 2007 11:31 AM

Hey man, how was the kino on tuesday? I forgot to ask you.
Victoria Pattison





Apr 20 2007 11:08 AM

It was an honour to have you! You proved once again that you are a comedic rockstar. Thanks!
Kerry





Apr 19 2007 3:04 PM

I so enjoyed your set last night! Thanks for blowing the dust off the old favourites!
The Hunter Cometh





Apr 19 2007 1:36 PM

KING SIMON!! Your attendance is requested at The Hunter Cometh cd release party. sat may 12th. media club. We'll be on by 12, doors at 930
Bring your kung fu
Nathan
Just Jack





Apr 17 2007 10:15 PM

Wow! The message below me is really long. That guy needs a woman. I on the other hand need to be part of an entourage. Any takers? Ummm? Yeah?!
Erik





Apr 16 2007 1:25 PM

How typical of you people... You headline yuks - then suddenly - the little people, who have been there, sitting in back corners, laughing away, feeding your needs, stalking from a far, patently waiting to find out where you drink coffee, so I can go and add to my collection of used Simon King coffee stir sticks (132 ) – are invisible to you…

WELL that’s IT mister! I’m throwing out all the sticks – and I was going to use them to make a pyramid to hang over my bed. That pyramid would have focused the cosmic comedy energy in to my head when I sleep.

And I’ll prove I’m not a myth, Thursday when you get home from the Sylvia – you’ll find all those pages of your notes that I’ve stolen over the years, wrinkled and smudged with my lonely disappointed tears. I’ll put the doll I spent 9 months making with your hairs I carefully picked off your seat after each show against your door. You can put him (little SK as I like to call him) on your mantle as a reminder not to forget the little people.

I’m also taking my gps tracking device off your isuzu (you never even use your lotus handling – I could have followed on my BMX bike) – and I’ll have my mini web camera out of your kitchen (no more breakfast with the King) by Friday.

Ian Burns – You are up next – I hope you eat the same time as me – I get so lonely in the mornings. If you notice the difference in the smoked detector in your kitchen, just smile! I’m watchin you.
Victoria Pattison





Apr 13 2007 5:55 PM

I'm spending the first day of my bday weekend performing with you - so it's bound to be great!
Ivan Decker





Apr 13 2007 1:19 PM

Hey Man how did the show go last night? I think I'll probably end up coming down there tonight if I can't get a spot at stages. Knock em dead mr king.
Ivan Decker





Apr 12 2007 4:00 PM

TV....
David Tsonos





Apr 12 2007 11:04 AM

Have a great week, Jon is also really funny for all week should be awesome.