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San Jose Road Rashers & Tea Society's Interests
General
Skidding, wheelies, bike polo, jousting, harboring an anti-fossil fuel sentiment, wheel building, throwing milk cartons into ceiling fans, vinyl,turntables,brewing, truing, bbq'in and chewing, beating things with a stick!
Music
Ya know that skit on Monty Python were the guy is hitting mice with a mallet that are layed out on a xylophone? I like music like that.
Movies
Pink Flamingos, Man Bites Dog, Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer, Tsui HArk's Blade, Hellraiser, Paint Your Wagon (Clint Eastwood Singing! Fuck Ya!, Star Wars, Waiting, Rad!, Shit (Jackass before Jackass)
Television
Sifl and Ollie, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Harvey Birdman, Real Sex, Cathouse, The Tick, No Reservations, A Cook's Tour (I CRAVE SHEEP BALLS!), Futurama, Family Guy, Robot Chicken, Venture Brothers, Cops, Bob Roll being the only real guy on OLN.
Books
Hustler, Barely Legal, The Warrior Class, Bike, Dirt Rag, The Homebrewers Handbook, The Art of Wheel Building, The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From The Living Dead, The Apocalypse Handbook
Don Novello, Lazlo Toth, Father Guido Sarducci, Girlvynl, the caveman that invented the wheel, Jacquie Phelan, whoever invented the doggie door, Mike Ferrintino, Hunter, and the clever mind behind this-------------------------------
Dear President Bush:
Congratulations on doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18.22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
However, I do need some advice from you regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how best to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25.44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21.7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness (Leviticus 15.19-24). The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord. (Leviticus 1.9) The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35.2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus 11.10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there degrees of abomination?
7. Leviticus 21.20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19.27. How should they die?
9. I know from Leviticus 11.6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean. May I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19.19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Leviticus 24.10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, as we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Leviticus 20.14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Yours truly,
An Inquiring Supporter
P.S. I look forward to your answers because there are a number of other issues that I'd like to get settled as soon as you've enlightened me on these ... Thanks again.
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About me: We drink and ride and snatch purses from the innocent! We bbq roadkill and throw rocks at children!
We listen to offensive music at 4 a.m. while doing wheelies down the street! Public urination is a must! We are the leaders of the revolution! Rejoice Children for we shall rule
inanimate objects at a high rate of speed with a deep connection to my face. other alcoholic ex-bike mechanics with a sense of humor. a small tribe in a jungle somewhere that would worship me as a god. Fritz Maytag for his yummy beer. !
A Major Disappointment About 20 years ago, Coke ran a Super Bowl commercial in 3D during the halftime show. They promoted it for weeks, and I went to the grocery store with my parents to pick up some of the Coke-branded 3D glasses. Few disappointments in life have matched the depth of that Coke commercial. You can't tell a kid something like "3D" or "x-ray glasses" and then expect them to stick by you when you don't deliver. I actually found myself comparing some odd disappointment last week to that late 1980s Coke Super Bowl commercial. But on the other hand, that commercial was a real marketing success. I'm sure Coke paid in the millions for the promotion, and here I am still talking about it. See, marketing works. Don't buy Coke.
