Life's goal is not to arrive safely to one's one grave in a perfectly-preserved body, but to skid in sideways, fucked-up as a paper sack containing a dozen soup sandwiches saying: 'Holy fucking Shit! What a hell of a ride THAT was!'
Male
100 years old
A Heavily-Fortified Compound Somewhere in, Colorado
United States
Dr. Jay E. Griffin, Cynical Misanthrope's Interests
General
Writing/performing comedy, sex, writing subversive prose regarding the totally abysmal state of our current government, food, my guitars, weed, my bass, sex, my keyboards, food, my harmonicas, weed, my digital multi-track portastudio, sex, my computer, food, web-surfing (specifically MySpace and www.literotica.com), sex, literature, food, cooking, weed, camping, sex, writing erotica, food, games, weed, and Formula One Grand Prix Racing (the ONLY sport I follow).
Oh...did I happen to mention my obsession with sex, food, and weed?
Music
I like the singer-songwriters mostly, like: Neil Young, Tom Petty, Bob Dylan, Todd Snider, John Prine, and my buddy Rusty Bladen because I feel those folks have a lot of interesting and insightful things to say in their songs. As far as bands go, some of my favorites include, but are not limited to: Alice in Chains, Primus, Nirvana, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Early Yes, Black Sabbath, Rush, The Meat Puppets, Megadeth, Pantera, White Zombie, 3 Doors Down, System of a Down . . . hell, the list could go on and on
Movies
Sling Blade, Full Metal Jacket, Apocalypse Now, Natural Born Killers, Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, Red Dragon, and the remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre with R. Lee Ermey and Jessica Biel in it.
I have literally seen this movie over 100 times....
I am also an avid fan of Asian midget pornos with a BDSM theme.
Television
To be quite honest, I don't watch much TV, but when I do, I watch The History Channel, Comedy Central, and SpeedTV (only for the Formula One Grand Prix Racing coverage). I haven't watched broadcast network TV in almost four years.
Books
Closet Cloning: The Guerrilla Grower's Guide by J (yeah, I wrote that one!), The Jungle by Upton Sinclair, The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald, anything by Andy Rooney, anything by Dave Barry, anything by Hunter S. Thompson, anything by Mark Twain, anything by Tom Robbins, anything by William S. Burroughs, and almost anything by Dean Koontz, especially the Odd Thomas series.
Heroes
Hunter S. Thompson is one of my literary heroes. He was never afraid of speaking his mind and telling the complete truth, even in his fiction. I was lucky enough to have met this crazy bastard once in Louisville back in '96. I haven't been the same since.
This is the man who inspired me to learn to play the guitar. Back in 1982, I locked myself in a room for three days with Harvest, After The Goldrush, and Live Rust. After those three days, I could play every song on those albums. (I already had prior keyboard and brass experience, so I had already developed my musical ear.) I STILL form my chords in ways that amuse and amaze my friends.
Michael Schumacher is the finest driver that ever lived, and Ferrari is the best team in Formula One Grand Prix Racing. His has marked the end of an era in Formula One Grand Prix Racing. There will NEVER be another driver who will achieve what Michael has in his career!
Jim Rose of the Jim Rose Circus is one of my heroes. I never could get him to admit if David Bowie was fondling his "beans" or not in this pic. (Well, you CAN'T see David's right hand, and Jim HAS got a rather odd expression on his face.)
Sister Mary Warner is my favorite nun. Here she is shown taking Holy Communion at Our Lady of the Perpetual Buzz Catholic Church.
Our entire family was extremely proud of cousin Dennis when he FINALLY learned to cook for himself. He burned down two trailers in which he was living before he finally learned. He is in rehab now. (Personally, I think he is just a fucking quitter.)
My cousin Rod who is a stunt cock for the porno industry has always been one of my heroes. I just love it when he tells me stories of his experiences on the set.
Jennings County High School
North Vernon, IN
Graduated: 1978
Student status: Alumni
Major: English, Science, Music
Minor: Math, German
Clubs: Intramural Psychedelics, Amateur Pharmacology for Fun & Profit, Captain of Bong Squad
1974 to 1978
Dr. Jay E. Griffin, Cynical Misanthrope's Networking
Dr. Jay E. Griffin, Cynical Misanthrope's Companies
Just an Unknown Enterprises, Inc. In a heavily-fortified compound somewhere in, Colorado US Owner/Entertainer/Writer Creative Writing & Entertainment
Currently
Dr. Jay E. Griffin, Cynical Misanthrope can't think of anything clever to say other than he's been too busy lately to play on MySpazz. Posted at 3:41 PM Apr 1 view more
Hmmm . . . let's see . . . I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and listening to the screams of my captives as I jolt them with a 100,000 volt cattle prod. Okay, I'm just kidding, folks . . . as far as you know, but seriously. . . .
I am a standup comic, freelance writer, and sometimes musician; although I am not famous in any of those roles, I do well enough to eke out a living . . . barely.
Oh, by the way, I am a Doctor of Divinity and was ordained by the Universal Life Church Monastery, which, I have recently discovered, was the very same place my literary hero, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, received his Doctor of Divinity ordination. I am not making that up at all!
I'm planning on starting up my own church one day called The Church of the Perpetual Buzz where the sacrament will be the fragrant blossoms of Mother Nature's finest greenery, so any donations will be gladly accepted and greatly appreciated. I am currently available for weddings and funerals. As soon as I can get certified as a Mohel, I will also be available for Bris Milahs as well. (I hear those guys get to keep all their tips.)
I come from a somewhat dysfunctional immediate family which may explain some of my behavior, my twisted thought processes, and my sick sense of humor. If you don't believe me, click on this and read the true story of my family: "It's All in the Family"
I am impatiently awaiting abduction by extra-terrestrial aliens; however, I opt to skip the anal probe. Thank you very much. I tend to spend entirely too much time on the Internet, and obsessing about food and sex. I just love tapioca pudding. Hell, I love having sex with tapioca pudding, although it's even better when there's a girl present.
I spent the first eight years of my life living on the grounds of a state mental hospital where my father started out his career as a music therapist before ultimately moving into mental health administration. I truly did ride the short bus to school during my first three years of schooling, because only a handful of kids lived on the hospital grounds. (That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.)
I am a ten-year veteran of the United States Navy where I did some things about which I still cannot speak, under penalty of law. If I told you, I would be duty-bound to kill you. I am damn proud to be an American, and I am even prouder of all our troops we have in "harms way" all over the globe . . . not just in Iraq and Afghanistan! I don't have to support the war to be a supporter of our brave troops.
I am a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering whether or not there really is a dog. I happen to really like songs with music in them. I am always out to find the funnier side of life, because laughing sure as hell feels better than worrying about bullshit that probably will not happen anyway.
For booking information, send an e-mail to: JustanUnknownComic@Hotmail.com
SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS:
I was once married to the "woman of my dreams" but I found out later that the dream was a fucking nightmare. . . .
As it turns out, I wasn't any luckier the second time around, either.
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My family is so dysfunctional, all our home movies look like out-takes from The Jerry Springer Show.
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I almost had sex with a nun once . . . but I was afraid to get into the habit.
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There are really no elves at the North Pole. Actually, Santa Claus kidnaps all the bad little boys and girls to use as slave labor for building toys and working in his sophisticated meth lab.
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"Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" I don't know. I've seen a lot of pornos, but I guess I missed that particular movie.
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"Those who can . . . do. Those who cannot . . . teach." Have you ever wondered how sex-ed teachers feel about that old saying?
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After eating at Taco Bell, I now know why it's called "fast-food". They really need to change their slogan to "Make a run for the bathroom!"
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Never take stock tips from a man who spends more money and energy in getting tattoos than he does maintaining dental hygiene.
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My fiancée and I are both so poor we drew up our prenuptial agreement on the back of a food stamp.
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Your Personality Profile
You are sexy, powerful, and bold.
You're full of passion and energy...
Sometimes this passion has a dark side.
You feel most alive when you're seducing someone.
You never fail to get someone's attention.
Quick minded, you're also quick to lose your temper, but that can be attributed to your high level of passion.
My friend, Autumn, "outed" me as being a closet Jew, so I thought I should just come clean. (Pic courtesy of Autumn Larrick)
Who I'd like to meet: ~~Dr. Albert Hofmann so I can thank him personally for his very important discovery he made back on 4/19/1943. Also, so we can have a lengthy discussion about a few things.
~~The inventor of "Pop Rocks" so I can personally thank him or her for all the fun I've had with those while getting and giving oral sex.
~~Dane Cook so I can tell him to his face that he's as funny as a festering chancre.
~~Anyone with an unbelievably wild and completely true story to tell that is definitely worth hearing. If for no other reason than just to see if I can top it with one of my own.
~~Someone who can beat this damn game!
~~THIS GIRL!!!
Does anyone have her number, her e-mail address, her MySpace page URL? I'm FUCKING SERIOUS!!! I wonder what it would be like to FEEL that talented tongue!!!
~~Oh, and YOU, of course!!!
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I am the roving, raving, and totally random political correspondent for SIN Magazine Online in which I have a column called "POLITICAL POISON: The Rants and Ravings of a Political Junkie". Please check it out by clicking on the banner below. While you're there, please check out the other excellent writers of SIN Magazine Online.
Hey, how are you doing? I just wanted to stop by and let you know about the latest author interview posted on www.joeypinkney.com. (One of the first ten people comment on Oneal Walters' author interview will win a FREE copy of The Age Begins poetry collection.)
Who's next in the "5 Minutes, 5 Questions With..." series? Oneal Walters, author of The Age Begins
Don't be a stranger. Let me know what's going on in your neck of the woods.
OK now that I farted on your myspace and made pixie dust fly out my fat ass. I will leave you with this thought today..... Happy Friggin' Monday!!! LOL
I have posted a blog plz go read and help me if you can http://lnk.ms/255Tv and you can also go straight to my Cobb Ga Flood Victims Page here http://lnk.ms/0gHPJ.
HI Jay! Haven't checked in on ya in a while, was going through my friends list and thought of ya! Hope life has been treating you good. Thought I would show ya a little tidbit from my summer I thought you would enjoy!
