Hi. I'm Jim.
I'm a lawyer, having been a dues paying member of the California Bar since I was 24.
But I don't do that anymore. So, I suppose I'm a failed lawyer. Aw.
And I'm a professor, teaching at a small college in south Florida since the top of 2004 after earning a 4.0 in picking up my second graduate degree, this one a Masters in US History. I'm good at the gig. If, in a peculiar twist, the fate of humanity were to rest on one man to deliver a lecture on the categorical imperative or involuntary manslaughter, I'd be the guy you wanted at the podium.
But my school recently shut my department down, leaving me to scramble for courses. I believe next quarter I'm teaching The Poetry of the Oppressed. So, I suppose I'm a failed professor. Aw.
I'm a playwright. In 2006, a play I co-authored, Spoon Millionaires was produced in Ohio. I've been speaking, performing, or writing constantly since I was 14; this seemed to be my best shot at fortune, glory, and having my peculiar combination of whimsy and obstinance recognized by the world at large.
And it's funny. Honest. If you read it, you'd like it. Everyone does. And believe me, having written plenty of things that most people barely understand, I know when it is people enjoy something I've written.
But it doesn't appear to matter, as it seems that I've failed at this also. Wait for it....aw.
I won a bunch of money on a game show; started a sketch comedy troupe; DJ'd for a local radio station; was a stage actor, a National Endowment for the Humanities Scholar, and a nationally awarded competitive speaker.
But truthfully, most of those things turned out badly too. Discouraging. Single tear.
I like San Francisco sports teams. I like food I do not eat. In ways good and bad, I am the Charlie Browningest sumgun you ever met. I aspire to be an agoraphobic.
I dig me. A lot.
I'm a bit of a mixed bag, all told. I mean, if you're expecting Billy Dee Williams, you're probably in the wrong place. But I do irrationally enjoy barking out the word "Ballin'!" for no apparent reason.
I occasionally blog. I think I'm good at it. If you'd like to hire me for a book or a television series or a children's party, or a donkey show, I'm likely to accept. I'm less discerning than one might think.
I am unnaturally attracted to the letter L. I like conjunctive adverbs. I enjoy the quirky, and were I to ever meet a woman whose eyesight is failing and whose standards are sufficiently low that she would consider spending her life with me, probably she would be left handed, at least metaphorically. I think, probably, I'm looking Tina Fey or maybe the all growns up version of Angela Chase. With a most excellent rack (oh, wait - know who would be perfect - Lauren Graham - Lorelai Gilmore gave me the feelings in my most tender of places) 'Cause I'm all dude, you know, despite evidence to the contrary. Twisted steel and sex appeal. Yup. True story. It's not a dealbreaker if her name is without L, but it would really help a brother out. In fact, if you are a single woman and you have L's in your name, I would almost certainly date the hell out of you. It's a concern.
Currently, however, I wouldn't. 'Cause I sort of met somebody. She's good, despite only having the one L in her last name. I am hoping to keep her around for a little while.
I get me, Chico. Whether you do or not.
I like to talk about the American Railway Union led Pullman strike from the end of the 19th century; I like to talk about the 14th Amendment being the most significant piece of legislation in the history of the Western Hemisphere; I like to talk about the many variants of the suplex.
I have any number of aliases:
Toothless Julie, the Recently Debt-free.
Bo, the World's Most Gorgeous Retard
Kinda Slutty Louise, Who Cannot Play the Banjo.
Ernie Who Hoards Mints for the Winter
Tom the Itinerant Sheet Cake Thief,
Margie, who had 2 Back Alley Abortions even after Roe v. Wade.
Toby the Bearded, Who Eats His Own Beard
Toothache Jackson, the Lightly beaten.
But you can call me Jim. Or Miss Jackson, if you're nasty.
There are people who, for whatever mildly disturbing reason, find me entertaining and/or sexy. I worry about these people.
Thanks for popping in. You've taken the first step to real enlightenment. Consider subscribing to my newsletter and indulging in my decadent homemade foodstuffs. David Blaine's magic is real and I believe in him. You can also find me at the following sites:
www.spoonmillionaires.com
www.whatifwrestling.blogspot.com
The Blog of Revelation
http://theblogofrevelation.blog.sponscore.com
And, of course, read my myspace blog. It's right up there in its assigned location- go get it, son! Snatch the pebble from my hand! It's in English and everything; you can read it left to right and sound out the big words.
Proud of you. Mean it. For reals.
