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THE PERSON "I may be a woman of the desert - but overall, I'm still a woman." - Fatima, from The Alchemist.

I've lived at the desert for most of my life. I have a love/hate relationship, as most of us desert inhabitants do. Economically, we're spoiled comparted to other parts of the United States (California, especially!). However, there are many facilities and services that are more than a two hour drive away, which can be inconvenient at times. Yet - it's one of the only places left in southern California that you can still see a starry night sky! Try it in LA or San Diego - sometimes all you will get is smog! I love the desert, and I know that I will have to leave it behind one day. But we all know of the course - you leave, and somehow it just brings you right back! If/when I return, it would teaching music at a public or private school - or maybe in a studio! I do plan to give back to our community.

THE MUSICIAN I started singing when I was 3 years old at a Baptist Church. I loved singing with the children's choir, and singing solos. I loved the fact that I could glorify God with a gift he had given to me. It made everyone around me happy, and I knew that God was happy with it. It was really the only thing I was 'good at.' That changed as I grew, of course - school made me quick with words and the arts, and I have quite a wit! So I wrote... and wrote... and sang, and practiced singing. The first song I ever wrote I performed in church on a keyboard. It was AWFUL! But everyone was very happy at my 10 yr old attempt, and I know that at least God got a kick out of it. When school started, I was the only one that had any musical interest (which isn't hard to accomplish in a class of 25). In every school program we did, I was the star - and I LOVED it! Not only was I the best, but I got to be in the spotlight all the time. I was cute, too! A little blonde haired blue eyed white girl, always playing with Barbie and My Little Pony (by the way... I STILL love My Little Pony to this day!). As I grew up, I entered all kinds of talent shows. School, church, around the Coachella Valley... I've always wanted to be a professional singer. However, it really hit me Junior year of high school - at 16 years old. By this time, I had blonde hair with two brown strips down the sides and a black underlayer (I eventually earned the nickname "Skunk")... still blue eyes, but not as cute as I use to be. I worried since I was 11 that my acne would prevent me from where I wanted to be since these beautiful pop/alternative stars were coming out from the woodwork... but I'm stubborn, and determined. My theatre arts class had a project called "Rock Star," where we are to perform a popular song by lip sync either ourselves or with a group. I COULDN'T STAND IT! Lip syncing is for people who are already stars who are doing music videos... not for GRADES! So I told him I needed to perform live... he let me. I got my physics teacher (well, chemistry teacher at the time) and my friend Jose to perform the song "Devil in Jersey City" by Coheed & Cambria with instruments and all. I sang, Jose did drums (he's AWESOME), and Mr.Sellers played the guitar. It went so well, that some people thought we were still LIP SYNCING! Needless to say, I got an A... and after a few dozen, "That was awesome!"s, I decided that's what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

Sadly, it's EXTREMELY hard to form a band at the Salton Sea! I've attended a K-12 school since Kindergarten, and the only people with music interests either weren't skilled, were too into partying, or didn't want to play the same music as me (see Dominant Fear.). I love those guys... and their music, but we would clash so much! Thus, I decided to do my music solo, and just recieve help from whoever can/offers.

With Mr.Sellers' 4-track recorder (Br-532), I was able to produce a demo... which had been erased and re-recorded numberous times thanks to my diztyness. I play guitar, sing, and play keyboard on all of the songs except for "Signed Helena," which Mr.Sellers layed down 2 guitar tracks for. As for the lyrics, they're all original by me - and though I haven't actually killed someone, or "choked on time," they all deal with real life situations that have happened... somewhat in code. I'll explain a little bit, but leave room for whatever interpretation for you! =)

THE SONGS "Now What?" - This one is probably the most literal. I did my best to insure that a feel of 80's New Wave was instilled in the drum track and the second guitar track. I even used some neato effects on my voice ;) The song deals with times of transition. I'm graduating high school as a teenager, but entering life and musicianship as an adult... even though my biological clock doesn't agree. Other people near graduation or college can probably agree... it hits you out of nowhere. Even if you've been counting down the days until graduation, a week away, it gets to you. Your whole life is going to change. There will be no more bells, no more parents (or grandparent, in my case) to tell you to wake up! You need to do your own laundry - find your own ride - you won't be paid to be lazy, and it's YOUR money wasted if you don't attend your higher education! No more detention or being grounded - if you mess up, you're either fired, demoted, in jail or homeless! These are some pretty heavy thoughts for someone who just comes back from shopping for their Senior Prom dress, which they find to be the most important thing in the world at the moment. It's crazy stuff... what college are you going to attend? Where will you work? Where are you going to live, and how can you afford to live there? Do you have your car and license?? These questions and thoughts can be so intimidating, that it hinders the goals and ambitions of people - well not me! After writing it out and singing about it, I felt a LOT of stress relief... everyone could use at least one person to relate to during times of change.

"Signed Helena" - Not the Helena from My Chemical Romance, not the Helena from the Misfits... although I did use the name for the sake of musical reference, and for the fact that I can't really say the name of the person who it's about in the actual lyrics. I could probably be sued for that! For almost 3 years, I was with the same guy - of who, I also won't say the name, though many know who it is. He was the first person I was ever in love with - I shared a lot with him, in probably every way you can think of. As in many others, trust and communication became big issues in our relationship. Rumors went to him that I was cheating, and well - he decided that he could be in love with two people at once. I believe and always have believed that defeats the point of loving someone! I mean, is it "okay" to marry two people at the same time? Let kids grow up with three parents? Ugh. Disgusting. So this "other" girl... used to be my friend. Best friends, at one point. She told people I was cheating on him (which I NEVER DID), and decided to have intimate experiences with him - not only just behind my own back, but her boyfriend's - whom she "loved so much." Ahh... anyways, this song speaks in code to her. The guitar, which is by Mr.Sellers, reminded me of a stalker-esque theme. I instantly saw someone walking in the rain with a smug smile - body bag dragging in one hand, weapon in the other - outside of a court house. I used the vidiy imagery, with a letter that I wrote but never sent to the lost friend... and turned it into a song. "I know what I did was low, but that's just part of the show... wait 'til you find out all the things you didn't know." I have trespassed against her as well, which is probably the only thing in my life I regret. Not because I felt bad for HER, but the fact that I even wasted my time on someone who just used both of us. It wasn't worth it... I wish I could take it back. =( In the background toward the end, with a soft voice I sing, "Don't you listen to her words - she'll sell you out. But that's what friendship is... that's what friendship, is all about." I sadly have come to believe it's true, because it always seems to happen. Rumors, betrayal, spite, cheating - I'm so sick of it. I've even come to wonder lately if I've been the sociopath all along...

"My Last Letter To You" - This song deals with the same situation stated above, but on a softer note - to the guy involved. Though everyone, even people I didn't know, had told me of their suspicions, I was faithful - I wouldn't believe it until he told me - and finally he did, and still lied. I caught him in it... but instantly forgave him. I knew I wouldn't get back with him, but I wanted more than anything just to be his friend. We had become best friends - and even after everything, I didn't want to lose that. Yet, it felt that I had been "in love with his lies"... and how can you be a good friend if you'll even lie to the "love of your life?" The song deals with that issue... another one many can relate to. As you can hear, it also deals with a courtroom... as if this whole ordeal was just a case with witnesses and such. In this song, I take the stand myself. I know that he'll never do some of the things he did for me for anyone else - because under all the lies, he really did care for me - but I wish things could have just worked out better. It's hard to tell him how I feel about everything, especially the big leash he's in =), so I figured I would do it through song. He's also a talented musician, and I hope to make music with him someday. I also hope, that someday, we can all at least be acquaintances. High school is almost over... the high school drama should be almost over too! This is indeed what's called, dear friend - My Last Letter To You.

TWO NEW SONGS!

These two most recent songs are works in progress, of course. I was browsing the web one night for free sequencing programs, and - voila! There it was! Magix Music Maker. It would be more fun if I had a keyboard with MIDI output, but I'll get that in time. For now, enjoy my mad sequencing skills with the various loops I have found!