Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations and resentments flit away and a sunny spirit takes their place. - Mark Twain
Female
35 years old
Elk Grove, California
United States
Running, swimming, reading, writing, psychologically damaging my children, emotionally brow-beating my husband into a submissive pulp.
My main interest - of course - is ensuring the demise of the lowest form of life... celebrities. If you'd like to join in the fun check out my celebrity death pool here and if you are so inclined, plunk down $5 and try your luck at winning this year's pool by paying up here:
Favorite: Innocents Abroad by Mark Twain. Others: East of Eden, Cannery Row, The Chronicles of Narnia, Tortilla Flat, Of Mice and Men, Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Life, the Universe and Everything, So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish, Mostly Harmless, American Soldier: Young Tommy Franks, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Heart of Islam, Gap Creek, Huckleberry Finn, Puddin' Head Wilson (anything by Mark Twain pretty much), Manhattan Transfer, For One More Day, A Rumor of War, The Red Pony, Walden, Pet Semetary, Richard III, The Sound and the Fury, As I Lay Dying, It, The Bear, Housekeeping, The House on Mango Street, The Bluest Eye, Prodigal Summer, An Autumn of War, The Greatest Generation, The Poisonwood Bible, Pigs in Heaven, Ken's Guide to the Bible, Into Thin Air, The Invisible Man, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Running with Scissors, Me Talk Pretty One Day, The Jungle, All's Fair in Love War and the Run for President, All the President's Men, Carnage and Culture, Pick A Better Country, An Autumn of War, Under the Banner of Heaven, 1776, Eats, Shoots & Leaves, Heart of Darkness, Sarum, Steel My Soldier's Hearts, Tender is the Night, White Noise, The Grapes of Wrath, The Moon is Down, Lying About Hitler, Crossing Over, Letters From Earth, The Thin Red Line, Citizen Soldiers, The Chant of Jimmy Blacksmith, Things Fall Apart, Rabbit-Proof Fence, Nectar in a Sieve, A River Between, A Very Small Place, Annie John, Like Water for Chocolate, The Kitchen God's Wife, Band of Brothers, When Heaven and Earth Changed Places, Night, The Accident, No More Vietnams, Dien Bien Phu: The Epic Battle America Forgot, Soul on Ice, The Killing Fields, Helter Skelter, The Very Old Man with Very Enormous Wings, Les Miserables, Trinity, All Creatures Great and Small, All Things Bright and Beautiful, All Things Wise and Wonderful, The Lord God Made Them All, Remembering Babylon, Shogun, Bag of Bones, Return to Manzanar, Snow Falling on Cedars, The Diary of Anne Frank, Die Weisen Rose, Lusitania, Ghost Soldiers, Tecumseh, The March to the Sea, Winter of Our Discontent, Once There Was A War, The Color of Water, The Bible According to Mark Twain, Dracula, Frankenstein, The Ten Stupid Things Women Do Mess Up Their Lives, The Bible, The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, House of Sand and Fog, The Memory Keeper's Daughter, The Brothers Karamazov (which really? was pretty much the last straw with regard to my tolerance for Russian authors... as far as I'm concerned literature needs Russian authors the same way Asia needs the bird flu), Breakfast of Champions, Ghost Wars, The Demon-Haunted World, A Lesson Before Dying, Travels with Charley, every Harry Potter book written, Stiff, Spook, Ghostly California, Deception Point, The Da Vinci Code, Angels & Demons, Orthodoxy, The Everlasting Man, Manalive, When We Die, Super System, The Devil's Teeth, Spooky California (dude, don't read this collection, the ghost stories are poorly relayed and it reads as if it were written by a 3rd grader assigned to write a book report), Lisey's Story, The Pleasure of Finding Things Out, Plan of Attack, The Eternal Man, Bag of Bones, The Way the Crow Flies, Lisey's Story, When Is Jesus Going To Bring The Pork Chops?, The Roman World, Left To Tell, Jurassic Park, The Hot Zone, Lab 257, The American Way of Death...
I write mean things about my family on my blog. Usually they are very forgiving but every so often a therapy bill will get forwarded to me. It's their passive-aggressive way of telling me to shut the hell up.
I take pictures. Sometimes I play poker. Or rather, I've been known to sit at a poker table and hold cards in between distributing my chips to other players.
Also! I'm a married stay-at-home mom of two small children. I drive a 4-Runner. I live in the burbs. I belong to the PTA. You'd think this would have transformed me into a socially acceptable and responsible person. And you would be wrong.
Since quitting work I have joined a rogue motorcycle gang composed of other Elk Grove housewives who - like me - are constantly on the verge of eating their young. Since finding each other we spend our days wiping butts and terrorizing Northern California with our particular brand of deadly housewifery... which is to say we shoot whiskey while waving guns and yelling "fuck" a lot.
Oh, our flavor of domesticity isn't pretty.
...and our kids have the scars to prove it.
Who I'd like to meet:
Who would I like to meet? I'm married. I stay at home. I have two kids. I would like to meet a therapist, that's who I would like to meet.
The Elk Grove Housewives
...always accepting new members. And bail. Lots and lots of bail.
By the way steph.... I am having withdrawel symptoms from you not posting any blogs recently.... along with the CRAZY week I have had at work... I need a laugh please... NOW... LOL
Thank you...I hope to say in touch and grow in friendship with all you great ladies here. I am always there if you need anything. I am so willing to fly in for a girls night out :) anytime!LOL
Yes beginning of March we will be in Las Vegas and it's a good thing! When I see you I will tell you more about what is going on but I am so excited for this year to be a great year for us. At first I was concerned about raising my children in Vegas but we will be living North West of Las Vegas and the schools are great and I did all my homework,visits,etc... We are away from the strip and the Vegas lifestyle. A few friends think I am crazy for moving there when Steve and I have had problems in our marriage. All I can say is I don't know the future for my marriage but I do know that I will be a great mother to my children and successful business woman regardless. If my marriage should end I know that I did not fail as a wife! Along with my Real Estate this year I am investing in a business which I am hoping to open my first retail outlet this year in Las Vegas and then next year a second store in Elk Grove. I will tell you all about it soon. Have a great week!
well, i was thinking aboot the same thing actually. i still have the camera, and in fact, i just got a digital cam for xmas, but alas... i have not been putting them to good use recently... i was looking longingly at yer photos... perhaps i shall take it up again...
Hello Mrs. Steph, yes we went to Patty's and I felt it all day yesterday. It was a lot of fun. I was sad to not see you or Diana there. If I don't talk to you before Christmas have a wonderful Christmas.
I never expected anything less than straight A's from you. I wish you believed in yourself as much as we do. Okay maybe not that much then you would be conceeded. I am so proud of you and I know all of the other EGH's will be as well. Congratulations. I feel sorry for who ever has to write your obituary some day they are going to need to buy a full page add just to list all of your accomplishments. You Rock.
