MySpace a place for friends

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BIO

I've learned to do a little bit of pimping recently, all I need now's a few whores (only joking.)

Before I had my old bio here but I've moved it into the blog section above (where you can also read the first part of a short story I wrote about my chance encounters with Serge Gainsbourg in Paris during the early 1980's.)

There's also a trip down memory lane accompanied by none other than Herr Zimmerman himself.

If you are gasping for more you may also read about my leg, which went and exploded on me not too long ago....

.... here's a quick version. ... born under a bad sign in the north-west of England during the early 50's. ... discovered dyslexia in early 40's, which was a shame .. from an early age I liked drawing, painting and collage, films, the sea and song, then I got blown away by pop and things.

Because I never could come to terms with any kind of regular work, I ended up entertaining in dives around Europe simply to stay alive. I still do it when I can find one, though there are less and less dives hosting live music these days.

Not only that, now you're expected to go cough and splutter out in the freezing cold if you're in need of a fag (english vernacular) instead of being a dancing fool inside and smoking along to some swinging little combo. Jazz without smoke, whoever heard of such a thing.

Terrible habit .. I must admit though, smoking. I have it bad from a very early age. However I know that were I not a life-long, maniac smoker I would still find it one of the most stupid and hypocritical laws ever invented ... so unnecessary... just build a no-smoking place for people who don't or a smoking one for the ones who do... and you know what? ... it'd be fucking empty, the no-smoking one ... they'd all be over in the smoking place checking out the band.

Or else just make it illegal all-together, that would be a laugh. Society has been overun by school teachers, they've hi-jacked our culture and we didn't even notice. Pathetic. Noel Coward and Oscar Wilde and Janis and Jimi would turn in their exploited graves ...

... by the way, come to think of it ... Oscar didn't reply to my friend request ... and neither did Hank Williams ... nor Jimmie Rogers ... nor Dylan Thomas come to that .. and Dali, what about Dalii? ... I'm getting a bit pissed off about them now ... guess I'll just have to make do with Degas, Glamazon, Captain Ahab, Aretha et al (check out the Captain sometime ... a salty dog if ever there was one ... all he's got on there seems to be a few handsome impressions of himself from the old days in Nantucket, a few old bones and the most delightful Moby Dick rap you ever heard in your life) ... even Napoleon XIV won't be my friend ... god damn ... anyway enough of that ...

... over three decades he ... I established a huge repertoire of just about every kind of popular song, from the 1920's until the 1980's basically, and especially from the 1960's.

He has no wife, no children, no parents, no pets, no Honey, no fixed home, no regular income, no insurance, no computer of his own, and last week he produced 19 short films that were shown to a mayor in an old folks home. It's downright bizarre, I don't know what the hell is going on.

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FILMS

I began painting before I ever did music but gave it up, however I have been filming seriously with Super VHS for about fifteen years and was making films in my mind but could find no way of editing them until about two years ago. Since then I have put in hundreds of hours learning the hard way.

So the clips on this page I either appear in or I filmed or edited, or both, or all three. Collage though is something I've done all my life and editing is the ultimate collage, I had only to learn the program. Some of the stuff I would like to put on here I can't unfortunately. It's not porn but there is the odd glimpse of nipple. So it's really not on. Actually I still have to digitalise a lot of the best stuff.

Here's a clip of me singing DO IT AGAIN on a queesy day which I titled ELEPHANT MAN SINGS GERSHWIN. It had a profound effect on one You Tube user, and I quote

"you are one sick bastard, how the hell the can take the piss out of some1 who had severe physical conditions is beyond me, perhapd thos is a parody of the reggae singer, yet i feel that the use of the name is disrespectful to a man who was marginalised by his appearance, yet u are an ugly bastard, without suffering from a genetical defect, u c...!"

A companion piece to Musette which I quite liked. Nora dancing again. Me on camera, edit and mournfull guitar. This was the only reaction I had to it on You Tube, so if anyone has anything nice to say please don't hesitate.

"Whatever your taking... please stop... I love the old Steve but sorry mate this is crap... "

THE SONGS

Mystery train's a waiting at the platform for you

Little Miss Understanding miss Mr. Nowhere man

Bring back Marshall Stax he never did no harm and

Just get out of town before it hits the fan

Since I do about three thousand covers people are always asking what about my own songs? Well now there's five or six of them at the top of a computer page.

1. I called this one GO-GG JOHNNY on here because the computer machine would't allow me enough text space to write the actual title which happens to be WHERE DID THE GET UP AND GO-GO JOHNNY? (again for non-native speakers get up and go is an English expression meaning something like energy or enthusiasm. or something) Not to be confused with anything by Wham or Chuck Berry or anything (he's one of my friends ... writes me every frigging day, says he's gonna set me up wiv' fucken' Keef..innit??)

2. This one's a bit dodgy, written in French. An attempt at French Blooze (which of course means too many words.) I recently asked one of my space friends for her opinion of my French lyric (Sophie Kay, a lady who sings precisely that French Blues. check her out.) and she very kindly, very basically told me it was a load of mumbo-jumbo. I tried translating it into English in my head and had to agree with her. Nevetheless I know what it's about and I did live there for fifteen years. Merde!. It's full title is TU ME MANQUES (PRETTY BABY.)

3. FUNNY SONG.

This song has been around in my head for way too long. It is so untypical of what I like and what I'm like, I have no idea where it came from. I am tired of the cheesey thing, yet I bore it and it has not found a home, it needs a home, it deserves ahome, and I need some fucking dosh. It sounds like you heard it before but you havene't ... that's good. Could be done by any cheese singer in the world ... that's good too. It was also the name of a film some wonderful Belgian people made about me last year. Maybe my friend Shirley Bassey can sing it, then we can all have a ball.

Here's another version of this song from You Tube, featuring cheese organ, a nice Dutch lady singing and some nice jukeboxes.

4. THERE SHE BLOWS

I got laughed off stage once for singing half of this at the American Center in Paris ... yonks ago. I couldn't make the high note and still couldn't (with any power) on this recording. I hate the sound that sounds like a synthesiser and should have been a roaring electric, enfin I'm not happy with the recording, but it took me twenty years to even get it down, without getting it down. It's not mastered and needs the volume turning way up. It sounds like it's about a whale but it's about a woman, or about two women to be precise, but that's long ago. (Again for non-native speakers: there she blows is an ancient nautical term which was used on whaling ships to denote the first sighting the of their spuming quarry. Just before before they go ahead and butcher it.

5. WHERE DID THE GET UP AND GO-GO JOHNNY?

Same as No.1 again, with arrangement. Again un-mastered so turn it up.

Anyway, this thing about always singing your own songs is such a load of horse-shit, half of the best records in the world are covers. I always tend to appreciate the original (with a few exceptions) but for forever almost no-one sang their own songs. Nobody complained about Frank or Bing or Billie or Ella or Elvis not singing their own songs. Plus I sing many great quality songs which the majority of people have never even heard.

The first mainstream artists to write all their own material apart from Duke Ellington and the like, were Chuck Berry, Eddie Cochran, Buddy Holly ... then Bob Dylan and The Beatles. Before that there were only the blues and jazz musicians from the Delta then Chicago, then New York. For God's sake Charlie Parker played covers half the time.

There were composers and there were intepreters. Now you are expected to be some kind of pot-boiling philosopher with a new melody where there are no new melodies, finding a new rhythm where there is no concievable beat left. At the end of the day music is mathematics, you can produce an interesting sound sometimes, that's all folks, you can't be the Kinks again, no-one can. The irony is that Bob and The Beatles both sing/sang a countless number of covers. Everything is ripped off.

My criteria is, if you can put your own song next to their best in a program, without anyone noticing the difference, then ...congrtulations. It was always my muscal ambition to write something as simple and as good as Wild Thing or a some kind of symphony but it's just not gonna happen. I get off singing Elvis 'cause I forget about myself, and the punters forget about themselves too ( I love it when everyone forgets about themselves, plus he definately tends to goes down better than I do in the rowdier bars.)

So in no way am I a prolific song-maker although I am a prolific image and sound-maker and collager.

FRIENDS

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I notice that My Space have bunched together many of my more buxom friends at the top of page two. I think they must be on a nipple hunt or something. I wonder how they figure out which order to put them in.

Isn't it weird in this modern, obscene world that a nipple or a nude can throw the whole of You Tube and My Space into a lather? It seems we are back to the old days and must rely on inuendo, and just carry on camping in a world overflowing with porn. You can imply real obscenity anyway you want in words and images but (shock-horror) one must never be seen naked. Tit profile and cleavage are acceptible as far as I can see, and indeed are often more arousing than the real thing. They even took Blow Job off of You Tube and it's only a picture of a man's face for God's sake ... although it is possible that the Warhol estate took it off ... but anyhow ... why did Lenny Bruce die? .. what the hell for? I mean come on, what was the Hairy controversy all about? Who knows ... soon they'll be banning Gaugin? I admit the majority of people do look much better with their clothes firmly on, but if some of these nice ladies choose to display themselves to the world and it's uncle, then who am I to disagree? It's been quite a while now.

Many of them are simply/also fine musicians, artists or models and should be checked out on that basis too. Others have a good appreciation of art, music, dance, literature, film and photography which are things that interest me too. Ocassionally one or two take the time to say hello which compared to the reception I get most places I go in a morning is most welcome. Others are simply horny but if you look between the tits you will find many a genius lurking there. Shakespear's my friend godamn!

There I've gotten that little lot off my chest. Quite theraputic.

Actually Tom, I'm only pulling your leg, I really do understand. If My Space were flooded with porn there would be no space at alI and I thank you for this amazing thing.

Here's some of my lovely friends.

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