Dear Children of MySpace-
I have been watching you very closely to see if you all have been good this year, and since you have, I surely will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree on Christmas Day. I was going to bring you all of the gifts from the " Twelve Days Of Christmas", but we have had a little problem up here. You see, The Twelve Fiddlers Fiddling have all come down with the clap due to fiddling with the Ten Ladies Dancing and the Eleven Lords A'leaping have knocked up the Eights Maids A'Milking not to mention that the Nine Pipers Playing have been arrested for doing bad things to the Seven Swans A'Swimming. Last but not least, with Six Geese A'Laying, Four Calling Birds, Three French Hens, Two Turtles Doves and the Partridge In The Pear Tree I am up to my ass in bird shit. To top it off, some prick stole the Five Golden Rings. I failed to mention that Mrs. Clause is going through menopause and eight of the reindeer are in heat. But never fear, I will still come through.