Here are some good laughs!!!
Rules of Houston , H-Town, 3rd Coast, Bayou City , The Dirty 3rd, or whatever you wanna call it.
1 You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Hue-stun," not "Ewe-stun", or "house-tun" Oh yea, the street is pronounced "San Phil-ee-pay," not" San Phil-eep" (San Felipe). Enunciate, you idiots!
2. Westheimer is our Sunset Blvd.
3 All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610".... which has no beginning and no end.
4. Everything is so spaced out. If you live near Myerland or Bellaire , Missouri City & Sugar Land are considered right up the street.
5. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic... a " Scenic Drive "
6. The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM . The evening rush hour is from 3:00PM to 7:00PM . Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one off the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.
8. Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native Houstonian.( kirk-en-doll)
9. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
10. All unexplained smells are explained by the phrases, "Oh, we must be in Pasadena !" or "God, I hate Baytown !" or "Mmm, smell that Texas City !"
11. Houston is so big, you can live on one side of town and know nothing about the other side. Giving someone directions to 249 and you live near 288 will have them in Dallas
12. All old ladies with blue hair in a pink Cadillac have total right-of-way.
13. The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. In turn, the minimum speed on Westheimer is at least 45mph...
14. The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is NOT ornamental.
15. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.
16. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 mph in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving when they go by.
17. The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR.
18. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
19. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana .
20. If you live in Katy and I live on the south side of Houston we'll never hang out.
21. The best thing about being drunk between 2-5 am is Whataburger will serve both breakfast and normal menus.
22. You are always able to be pulled over by any police vehicle, even if you were just given a ticket.
23. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the feeder like everyone else. This is how Houston residents notify Texas Department of Transportation where exits should have been built.
24. Depending on what side of town you’re from, Synott Rd. has about 3 pronunciations. [sin-et] [sigh-not] or just [snot]
25. If your town ends with “Land” you used to be considered the suburb “SugarLAND, PearLAND, the WoodLANDS”
26. If you live in Sugarland, Pearland, Katy, The Woodlands, Humble, Kingwood, Clear Lake ….that’s still Houston
27.Else-where, they are called frontage or service roads... Here in Houston , they are called FEEDER roads, so don't look stupid when we say "Exit the feeder road and use the loop-d-loop"
If you don't live here, most of this will sound utterly insane, but to all of us who call this home..nothing but the truth and you know it!!!
If you are a true Houstonian, repost this!!
nice new layout! have you considered going on, "i didn't know that i was pregnant?" muff has been trying to get the information for you so that you can send your story in but it was too fast at first and now they don't even post it at the end. i think that she's going to keep trying though. i still haven't seen a picture of the new tat! how's the wedding planning coming? give me a call sometime! i'd call you but i don't want to wake anyone or mess up anyone's diner or anything.
i was telling a friend that you know you're really fucked up when you're talking to people in whispers and you have the music up so loud that the cops are telling you over speakers to turn it down. ha ha... remember?
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TICK, TICK, TICK...
mika2008, time is running out. .. I just sent you an energy boost, but it won't last long. Act fast and get the power you need to run a bigger mission!
And don't forget to send me some energy back! A favor begets a favor, capisce?
Sorry I missed Monopoly. Again, it's pronounced "Redding" Railroad, not "Reeding" Railroad. You guys need to get a sitter for Superbowl Sunday, so we can all play our part in eliminating the surplus in our nation's beer!
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