The University Of Texas At Arlington
Arlington,Texas
Graduated: 2002
Student status: Alumni
Degree: Bachelor's Degree
Major: English
Minor: Education
Clubs: There were clubs in college?
1999 to 2002
Bell H S
Hurst,Texas
Graduated: 1997
Student status: Alumni
Degree: High School Diploma
Clubs: Blueprint. I sold it my soul, so that was really all I had time for.
1994 to 1997
Russell C Connor is in your extended network. Posted at 11:20 PM Oct 5, 2008 view more
What am I? I'm a horror novelist, whose third novel will be released March 1, 2009. The Jackal Man is available through Amazon, Amazon Kindle, and Barnes and Noble. I'm a proud member of the DFW Writer's Workshop. I love movies and books and television and consider myself a pop culture junkie. I'm a devout Transcendentalist; I believe in enjoying life to the last second, wringing every drop of joy out of every day, not letting the bad things get you down for a minute longer than they have to, being kind to others and especially not judging them, leaving a lasting impression on the world, and doing what makes you happy any chance you get, provided that it doesn't conflict with that being kind to others thing. It's like the Asimov's Laws of Robotics.
Who I'd like to meet: Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Chuck Palahniuk, Alan Moore, Weird Al Yankovic, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, Joss Whedon, Mark Millar, Kevin Smith, Bruce Campbell, Robert McCammon, Dave Grohl, Robert Kirkman...
MOVIES:
I love to find unknown indie stuff that nobody has ever seen, particularly in horror and science fiction. Love Kevin Smith, Shyamalan's Pre-Lady-in-the-Water Work, Wes Anderson, the Scream movies, comic book movies, etc. I'll try to keep a running list here of the stuff I've been watching, listening to, reading, etc. If you have agreements or arguments, feel free to leave a comment in the main section:
Let the Right One In - Great film, utterly beautiful cinematography, probably one of the best subtitled movies I've ever watched. I wouldn't classify it as horror though. This is a romance, through-and-through. One of the participants just happens to be a vampire.
Boy Eats Girl - Saw this at a bad movie festival at a friend's house. We agreed this was bad, just not bad in the way we were looking for. But a Sarah Palin lookalike is in it, so that's gotta count for something.
Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - I was willing to say that this was more of the same bland garbage as the first one, until I got to the end. Soooo...the tide of the final ultimate battle is turned in the favor of our heroes by...living...moving...trees? This trash was published first, and it kind of cheapens The Lord of the Rings for me to see that Tolkien just ripped this crap off.
Sasquatch Gang - This film is what the writer/directors/producers of Napoleon Dynamite should have done next. This has the same feel, and it's funny as hell. The story comes at you from different angles: a group of nerds that find sasquatch evidence, a girl who wires her mouth shut because she doesn't want to be fat, and two hillbillies that need some quick cash, one of which is Justin Long. It's even got Napoleon and Uncle Rico themselves!
Disaster Movie - Definitely the low point in these films. I thought Meet the Spartans was kind of funny, but this was a lot of drawn out jokes clustered around a premise that couldn't even remember what it was talking about half the time. The guys making me from these probably suffer from Adult ADD.
Still Waiting - I own the first Waiting, but I put off seeing this because I didn't want the memory sullied. And...it totally wasn't! This movie is hysterical, with enough of the original cast returning to make it a worthy sequel. They even address what became of Ryan Reynold's and Dane Cook's characters.
Donkey Punch - The way I've been describing this to people is, it's rich whores on a yacht trying to kill each other. There's nothing likable about these characters. We're supposed to feel sympathy for females who allow themselves to get picked up in a club by three seagoing young men, and retire to their luxury boat to perform acts of debauchery that would make Ron Jeremy blush. Yet they're shocked when things go awry and one of them dies. As I told Abs, " ' I never thought going home with strange men, taking copious amounts of drugs and having protection-free sex could possibly lead to anything bad!!! ' "
Transformer 2: RotF - My most anticipated movie of the summer, so of course it was a huge let down. Let me go on record as saying, I have no problem with Mudflap or Skids. I usually don't mind annoying characters. It was all the plot holes that get to me. The female Decepticon, the fact that only a Prime can beat the Fallen, when all Optimus did was beat the shit out of him, that fact that two characters died and were resurrected in the same film. Bland, bland stuff. But the action is beautiful.
Speed Racer - Not nearly as bad as I'd been led to believe by SOME people (Aaaaabbbbbsssss....). This is a lot of fun and beautiful to boot, and Christina Ricci won my heart yet again. And, as strange as it may sound, I could've done with more Sprittle and Chim-Chim.
Revolutionary Road - I admit, I'm a huge LeoCap fan. But this...I don't know what this was. Rarely do I ever turn off a film without watching the whole thing, but after 30 minutes of this going absolutely nowhere, I had to turn it off. It's reminds me of that book by the French guy about the centipede on the wall. Does anyone know what the hell I'm talking about???
The Hangover - Just perfect. This is the film that finally won me over to the Bradley Cooper camp. There so much goodness here, I don't even know where to start. What struck me most about the film is how damn likeable the characters are, more so than anything in recent memory.
The Uninvited - Yuck, not even Elizabeth Banks could save this tripe. I'm just going to spoil something here and ask, why did the girl feel guilty now? The whole premise is that she blamed herself for her mother and sister's death, but it was clearly an accident. Even the shirtless boyfriend says that he "saw the whole thing," but what the fuck "whole thing" would that be, considering a) she was indoors when the incident happened, and b) there was really nothing to see anyway.
Journey to the Center of the Earth - I had very low expectations fro this one, which was why I didn't see it in the theaters. I was however, pleasantly surprised. While the characters are paper thin, the action is fun and I found myself in suspense more than once. It's obviously pandered to 3D, which is something I'm getting pretty sick of.
Land of the Lost - I was so looking forward to this. I just got back into the Will Ferrell camp, and I love Danny McBride, and I was ready for dinosaurs and comedy and...wow, what a letdown. This movie has no idea who its audience is. Ferrell is screaming obscenities every five minutes and taking drugs or talking about sex, but yet the treatment of the characters and subject matter are so juvenile I was instantly turned off. This movie needed to be thirty minutes longer, have much better dialogue, and not be so generally dull.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Meh. I don't see what all the fuss was about. Sure the special effects were great, but I found the romance a little bland. Pitt really didn't have much of a chance to stretch his acting legs, and for a guy with one of the most amazing disabilities in all of history, I didn't even think he lived as extraordinarily as, say, Forrest Gump did.
Angels and Demons - I hadn't planned to see this, but my parents wanted to go while Abs and I were staying with them, and we went along for the ride. I loved The Davinci Code novel, but was underwhelmed by the movie, especially after French star Adrienne Tautou's real-life comments that she was displeased about how famous it made her because she couldn't go outside or something retarded like that. A) What did you expect being in a blockbuster summer film based on one of the most controversial and bestselling books in history? and B) shut the fuck up, because nobody knew who you were before that movie and they still don't now. Sorry, I've been holding that in for like four years or something. Anyway, A and D was passable, with a few gaping plot holes and some pretty predictable twists. When I can turn to Abs every five seconds and say, "Someone's gonna try to kill them by turning off the air," or "He's really the bad guy," fifteen minutes before these things happen, you know you got a problem.
Unknown - Fantastic 2006 film about five men that wake up locked in a warehouse with no memories of how they got there. Jim Caviezel, Greg Kinear, Joe Pantoliano, and Barry Pepper keep the tension tight as they piece together the last few hours and try to figure out which of them are kidnappers, and which are kidnappees. Overall, I think the film would've been much better off sticking to this idea, but they switch back and forth to the ransom being delivered by one of the men's wives. This does eventually weave back into the story, but the men in the warehouse are what we really came to see.
Baby on Board - Heather Graham and Jerry O'Connell "star" in this straight-to-video flick about a couple having a baby that break up over the most retardedly unrealistic reasons imaginable and... Wait. Can I stop for a second? What the hell happened to these two? Heather Graham somehow got stuck in slack-jawed, braindead blond mode years ago after doing Austin Powers, and O'Connell...man, I REALLY used to like him. Anyway, their characters jump to incorrect, Three's-Company-esque conclusions about each other, and shout accusations that makes no sense because neither one of them, at any time, just asks the other one, 'What the fuck are you talking about, honey?' It is worth it to see John Corbett as a comedic scumbag though.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop - Just as bad as Nostrodamus predicted centuries ago. Kevin James has never been--and will never be--funny. This is puerile, bland entertainment. It may have made a shitload of money, and dwarfed the Observe and Report, the mall cop movie that was amusing and had something to say, but that don't make this a film that want representing America or humanity as a piece of worthwhile art.
W. - First of all, the casting in this was downright spooky. I will never be able to look at Thandie Newton and not see Condeleeza Rice ever again. Great performances and as for ol' Oliver's take on the subject matter, I thought he was pretty fair and even-handed. Bush is portrayed as a man with weaknesses and strengths, a screwup whose underlying motivation is to please daddy. I found the film interesting just for the insights it offered on how modern warfare is waged.
Fanboys - This story about four nerds (five if you include the requisite female) on their way to break into Skywalker Ranch so a friend can see Star Wars: Episode 1 before he dies of cancer was actually a little bland to me. There was a feud about the release of this movie, because the producers wanted to eliminate the cancer angle, but the online community put up a fight because this is based on a true story. So the cancer angle stayed in, but all the emotionality that would come along with something like that was glaringly absent. It was kind of like, "Oh yeah, he's got cancer so we better be friends again." Did they think it would ruin the comedy? Because there have been plenty of funny movies out lately that can expertly fit in that kind of emotion. Anyway, even the comedy fell flat in a lot of places, despite a talented cast and a subject matter I adore. If you ask me, there weren't enough nerd debates, them sitting around and talking about the intricacies of Wars. Like Kevin Smith, with the whole contractors-on-the-Death-Star thing in Clerks. That was some good dialogue, but what's here is mostly sight gags and cameos.
UP - (SPOILERS!!) My favorite Pixar movie to date. Man, what a great movie. Between Carl and Ellie's story in the first five minutes, little Russell talking about how his dad never showed him how to camp, and Dug being told he was a bad dog and slinking away, only to show up on the porch again later, I was in near tears through the entire thing. The action was great, the villain disposed of in proper-horrifying-Disney fashion, and I already want to see it again.
Babylon AD - I kind of felt like I'd been promised the most delicious chocolate cake in the world, but then it only tasted like air. The beginning of this film is promising, and I was really into it, even though the plot meanders. It kind of got annoying after a while how they were being so tightlipped about THE SECRET, the reason for all the events in the movie. Then I got to the last ten minutes of the movie and understood: they wait so long to tell you what's up with the girl that Vin Diesel is transporting because they didn't want you to get up and walk out halfway through and demand your money back. Actually, I still don't know if I fully understand...
Taken - Finally saw this Memorial Day with my sister. This was really as good as everyone claimed. I never would've seen Liam Neeson as this kind of action star, but the man kicked some ass. This film does not play around, gets in, does its business, and gets out. High marks.
Terminator: Salvation - I did not have nearly the problem with this that so many other people did. Overall, I felt it was pretty solid, a lot of fun, but the series becomes riddled with even more logical fallacies. For instance, near the end, one supercomputer tells a terminator that "After all their attempts, he finally succeeded where the others didn't, but delivering John Connor". But the thing is, at this point in the timeline, they haven't tried to kill John. Think about it: John is not the leader of the resistance yet, and the T-800's--the Terminators that would initially be sent back in time--are just rolling off the assembly line when this movie takes place. But yet, this supercomputer is implying that it is already aware that John will be a huge thorn in their side, and is aware of all the other attempts. Where did it get this info? Did the machines in the future send back the information and, if so, how? Or better yet, if they sent this information back, why didn't they send back schematics for more advanced weaponry, so they could have T-1000's or T-X's running around right now to kill John? Confused? Well, I'm right, so deal with it.
How to Lose Friends and Annoy People - I don't know what to say about this one. It wasn't the typical Simon Pegg movie, which is why I think it did so badly. It had a few laugh-out-loud moments--the thing with the dog--but mostly is was just me going brain-dead, retardly slack-jawed whenever Megan Fox was on screen.
Star Trek - Okay, I'm a little behind, so let's get started. Loved Star Trek. I'm a fan, so this was just sweet, sweet candy. I thought it was a bit of coincidence that Kirk just happened to get marooned next to Old Spock (and that Old Spock, knowing a Federation Outpost was within walking distance, didn't set off to to get there and send a warning to Vulcan) but other than that, it was good stuff. Man, that cast is awesome, and Zachary Qunito is creepily dead on.
Kung Fu Panda - I put off seeing this, and I really don't know why. The animation was breathtaking, and the story and voice work were top notch. I'll make an effort to actually see the sequel in theaters.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine - Well, it's official. The X-Men dynasty is over. Go home, people. There's nothing more to see here. It could've easily bounced back from even X3, but this was a travesty. Awful--or rather, no--plot, bad acting (for the most part), and horrible special effects and fights scenes made for one major snooze fest. Characters are violated with wanton abandon and our titular hero spends most of the time just wandering around and getting into one situation after another, more like a road trip movie than the superhero genre. And we know why Wolverine doesn't remember Sabretooth in the first X-Men movie, but why doesn't Sabretooth remember HIM? Ug, this is just awful. Save yourself the time.
Henry Pool is Here - I really loved this Luke Wilson movie about a terminal patient who buys a house in the California suburbs to while away the hours till his death drinking everything he can get his hands on. The only problem is, there's a stain on the wall in back of the house, and a neighborhood lady is convinced it's the face of Christ. Throw in a sexy next door neighbor played by Radha Mitchell and her mute daughter, and you have a heartbreaking film full of quiet power and faith.
Crank 2: High Voltage - I loved the first one, and this was almost as good. They got every cast member to come back, including some really off the wall choices. Statham is hysterical as he runs around procuring electric shocks to keep his artificial heart going until he can find his real one. This mindless violence, but it's mindless violence that's artistically execute. The camera work, the music, all add to the feeling of frenzied urgency these movies are all about.
Mirrors - I don't really understand what this movie was trying to scare me with. Why was the demon in a mirror? Why did it want out? It seemed like it had a pretty sweet deal going. This movie is all flash, just a hodgepodge of frightening imagery and scenarios without any real plot.
My Name is Bruce - Awful. So awful I forgot to review it until just now. Even Bruce Campbell love wasn't enough to make this watchable.
Blindness - This is a gut-wrenching, sucker-punch of a movie. I had nightmares about it the night I saw it, plus lingering thoughts the next day. An epidemic of blindness sweeps an unnamed city, and the afflicted are quarantined in wards. Mark Ruffalo is an optometrist that catches it, but his wife, played by Julianne Moore, is immune for some reason, but plays blind so she can go in with him. What ensues is a harrowing tale about the baser side of mankind and the will to survive as these people are slowly reduced to little more than animals. Gael Garcia Bernal does some fantastic work as the leader of a rival faction that takes control of the very limited food supplies and begins to make demands.
Milk - Enjoyable, but I didn't think it was fantastic. Sean Penn was great at bringing slain gay rights activist Harvey Milk to the screen--which is probably why he won the Oscar--but I needed a little more of Josh Brolin's Dan White, the fellow city supervisor that killed Milk. The motivation behind the crime just seemed so vague and unprovoked, but I guess that's probably how it was in real life.
Observe and Report - Great for a one-time see, but I don't know how high it's rewatchability would be. A new direction for Rogen, and pretty much everybody is hysterical. The end has this perfectly shocking moment that I thought was great.
Adventureland - Eh, it was okay. Definitely not worth the A- that EW gave it. It was going for this sort of growing-up, post-teen, life-is-confusing angst, but I've seen it done much better to be roped in. I don't think it was anyone's fault in particular, the story was just bland.
The Man from Earth - Andy, if you're reading this, thank you. Thank you for letting me borrow this absolutely wonderful film. Set all in one room, the story follows a group of college professors gathering to say goodbye to a colleague at his remote cabin before he mysteriously packs up and moves away. They press and press at him to find out why he's suddenly ending his life and moving away until he finally gives them an answer that none of them can accept: he is really a caveman from the late Cro-Magnon era, that has, for reasons he does not understand, never died. The result is a scholarly debate between these individuals as they try to disprove him, discredit him, and more. A great movie for sci-fi lovers.
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - Abs hit upon the problem with this movie, and something that I've been harping on for some time. Going back to the earliest days of literature, and even moving all the way up to the first motion pictures, character was all important. They drove the plot, because you cared what happened to them and believed their motivations. There has been a shift, and I'm not even sure when it started, but writers are just too lazy nowadays to make their characters believable. They serve the plot, instead of the other way around. They force their characters to take certain actions and make certain decisions strictly because that's what the plot calls for, to get us from point A to point B, and the audience (if they're discerning enough) should feel the unnatural flow of events. I call it the "Action-Figure-Bang" model, because it's like a five-year-old banging their action figures together to get them to fight or to act out the story they have in their heads. Heroes suffers from this to retarded proportions. Anyway, so does Nick and Norah. People do not fall hopelessly in love after they've made a few awkward jokes with one another, and they certainly don't get over fresh heartbreak. And really, is Michael Cera THAT attractive, ladies? A few laughs here and there, but mostly just dreck.
Monsters vs. Aliens - This is one bland kid's movie folks. This is what happens when a major animation studio just gives up on trying to follow their own previously high standards and produces something quick to get it in front of the kids. I could barely sit through it. Concept is great, the action is fun, especially in 3D, but the plot was watered down and the characters were just functional enough to get us through this mess. Definitely a skipper.
Synecdoche, New York - What a let down. I love Charlie Kaufman's stuff, so when I heard about his directorial debut--about a depressed theater producer that puts a grand scale play in an actual size replica of the city he lives in, all built in an impossibly huge warehouse--I was anxious to check it out. It only opened in about three theaters nationwide last year, and now I see why. Kaufman's stuff is always weird, but this one was just too far out there, even for me. Watch if and see if you can understand the ending.
The Midnight Meat Train - I read the Clive Barker story years ago, and was anxious to see this even though from the commercials it looked like they had taken out the best part: the creatures that live deep under NYC. No, that's not the case. This was a nightmarish film about a brutal subway killer--played by Vinnie Jones--who bashes apart anyone who stays on the train too long with a meat tenderizer the size of a football. Then we're treated to a disgusting up close and graphic montage of him removing all their teeth, nails, and eyeballs. Why is he doing this? Is he just nuts? That's what art photograph Leon wants to know as he follows the guy on the train and takes pictures. The truth is...unsettling...in all the best ways.
Knowing - I never gave up on Nic Cage. The man has done too many great movies for me to let one little Ghost Rider stand in the way. Or National Treasure. Or the putrid second one. Hell folks, I'm gonna say it: I sat through fucking Next in theaters. But I knew he had one more good drama/actioner in him somewhere. And this is it. A lot of it probably had to do with Alex Proyas' direction--the man who fucked me up real bad with his eternally creepy Dark City, which I still contend is connected to this movie somehow--but this film about a man who finds a series of numbers buried in a time capsule for 50 years that seems to predict every major world disaster is more than just good; it might be great. The violence of these events are absolutely unflinching: this is what it would truly be like to be involved in or see an airplane crash, or a subway car derailment. And when Proyas isn't stealing your breath with these amazing sequences, he's doing it with some of the creepiest mystery men ever to grace film since...well, since Dark City. These men in black have a special interest in Cage's son, and their whole bit of standing in the woods and staring is the stuff of nightmares. My only complaint is that Cage's performance still felt phoned in. There's a scene where he drops to his knees, clutching his stomach in anguish, that was laughably stiff and forced. But other than that, I was satisfied. The ending of this whole thing is not be believed.
The Last House on the Left - I will say one thing about this remake of the 1972 Craven classic: it's intense. Squeamishly so. And that is, in fact, my one problem with it. This movie actually tries too hard to push things to the edge, and the characterizations of the villains suffer. It's as if the writers continually asked, 'How can we make these guys even more unlikeable and sadistic? I know, let's have the father manually force his son to molest a girl!' Don't get me a wrong, in a clan of mutated backwood rednecks, or mountain-dwelling cannibals, I would have no problem with this level of sociopathic tendency, but the bad guys here are, we can only assume, little more than two-bit crooks spouting catchphrases and wearing fashionable clothes. The mother figure rails about how the two young girls they've captured are "stuck up bitches with a silver spoon up their ass," when they're dressed more unassumingly than she is. The father, who has a son their same age, seems cool enough to be willing to let them go one second, then, when angered, rapes one while his girlfriend looks on approvingly. Instead of killing these possible witnesses quickly and dumping the bodies, they take time to slide the knives in lovingly, as though enjoying each second, all so we can imagine what it would feel like and squirm. And, in perhaps the film's stupidest conundrum, the killers create their own problem when, upon arriving home to find their teenage son smoking dope with two girls, they immediately get weird and start talking about how their faces are on the front page of the paper, instead of just politely asking the girls to leave. Then, later on, when they're at the parents' house, they play nice and innocent and then blithely go out to the guest house and all fall asleep, giving the parents ample opportunity to figure out who they are--after all, how do they know these people don't get the newspaper?--and call the police. But all that bitching aside, I really did like the movie!
The Movie Hero - This is a fun little indie starring Jeremy Sisto as a man who believes his life is a movie, and talks to his "audience." That is to say, us. He finds a sidekick, a love interest, and a villain, played perfectly by Peter Stormare. This cute and very meta comedy is worth checking out.
Watchmen - I don't know what to say about this one. At first, I was a little a disillusioned. I found it interesting, worth the time, but not as much fun as other superhero fare. Then I realized, that's pretty much the way I felt about the comics: satisfying, but I'd still rather read The Ultimates or Invincible. So I guess Zack Snyder definitely stuck close to the source on that front. In any case, I do believe it's well put together, but I truly wonder how the masses are going to react to it. My prediction is a steep drop off after opening weekend. Also, no woman has ever looked as good in latex as Malin Ackerman.
Blackout - This independent film follows a lower income black neighborhood in New York during the "blackout" of 2003. There really is a lot to like about this movie, but several bad things really outweigh them all. First of all, Zoe Saldana. She's gorgeous and a great actress. I love her. So why is this a bad thing? Because she's so good, every scene she acts in here is like it's from a different movie. When she's arguing with the mook that's supposed to be her husband, the camera is switching between them, and his mediocre-at-best acting is only made worse by the way she shines on screen. Second, the music. This movie should be shown to every film student as an example of what poor musical choices can to do an otherwise decent product. Ranging from head-scratchingly strange, to trying-to-make-a-statement-about-the-black-community jazz (see Spike Lee's Katrina documentary for a good example of this), to grossly inappropriate. Lastly...the fact that these people were without power for almost exactly 24 hours and they were killing each other and tearing apart the neighborhood and declaring it the end of the world kind of belies whatever positive assessment of African Americans they were going for. If you want a great power outage thriller without the morals, watch Trigger Effect.
Feast 3: The Happy Finish - I don't know what to make of these. They're not great, but they always leave me wanting more. This one had plenty of gore and raunch, all told with Gulager's typical comedy flare.
Revolver - Well, I'm all caught up on my Guy Ritchie now, although with this one I wish I hadn't bothered. I was excited that he was reuniting with Statham, but this film went absolutely nowhere. I had the big twist figured out halfway through, and I still don't get the ending.
Them - This is a foreign language film (French, I think), that proves that terror transcends all language barriers. Jesus, I think I had nightmares about it last night. It's essentially just the French version of The Strangers, only an hour and 17 minutes long, and starts with a horrifying scene of a mother and daughter alone on a wooded road when they fall under attack by the film's villains. This one puts the frighteners on, people.
Seven Pounds - I loved this movie, but I can see why the Academy Board passed it over. It tries really hard to jerk those tears out of you, and at times that seemed the whole reason for it's existence: 'Hey, let's string a bunch of sad stories together with a loose plot thread just 'cause it's sad! The Oscars will love it!' Anyway, for us common folk that don't expect too much, this one is a winner.
Zardoz - Wow. Heard about this 70-ish cult classic on Cracked.com, and a friend's father happened to have it. This movie is all kinds of messed up. Starring a Sean Connery so young he's almost recognizable, this film is about a dystopian sexual future where men in red diapers hunt down emo kids with guns puked up by a giant, floating stone head because penises are bad. And if that made any sort of sense to you, then this film is probably right up your alley. But no, seriously, I know it was supposed to be all allegorical and symbolic, but it's just too weird for me to give a shit...
RocknRolla - Didn't like it as much as Snatch, but way more than Lock. Everyone was great in it, but the trademark Ritchie comedy amidst the gangster drama just wasn't there. I do hope he makes the sequel, however.
Welcome to the Dollhouse - I've been putting off seeing this for a looooong time. It's a darkly comic tale about a young girl that everyone hates, including her own family. Except it's not really either of those things. This is one of those apathetic films that the nineties loved so much that, while trying to be sarcastic and hip, it just comes across bland and joyless. The only highlights were when her sister gets kidnapped, and seeing a very young Ken Leung in bit role, an actor that would become more famous than anyone else in this movie. Lost-ites, you know what I mean.
Slumdog Millionaire - Been wanting to see this and just happened to catch it the night before the Oscars. Now I'm glad I did! Fantastic film, very deserving of the honor. I was actually a little surprised at the cinematography win because it got on my nerves every once in a while. Oh, and the story about how he knew the answer to the first question had be simultaneously gagging and laughing till I cried.
Storytelling - An enjoyable little film with two mini-stories that vaguely have to do with the craft of writing, one about a college creative writing student's ethnic encounter with her teacher, and the other about an amateur filmmaker's documentary on the college application process. Some great turns in the early body of work by Paul Giamatti (looking so young I almost didn't recognize him), and Selma Blair (looking so hot and completely nude that...I gotta watch that again, excuse me). It's really dark stuff, the second one with an ending so tragically overboard it's laugh-out-loud funny.
VALENTINE'S EXTRAVAGANZA! Confessions of a Shopaholic - Hit a two-for-one with Abs on Valentine's night. That's where we see one movie and then sneak into another that's just starting. Oh, don't look so shocked, with the money they charge for tickets nowadays we all deserve a freebie once in a while. Well, maybe only if you see as many as I do. Where was I? Right, Shopaholic. The first time I heard of this was like six or seven years ago, when this girl at the answering service I worked at was reading the books. If her ebullient-to-the-point-of-nauseating attitude was any indication of the tone of the book and, thereby, the characters, then the movie must've stuck pretty close. Don't get me wrong, Isla Fisher is cute as a button and sexy as...things that are sexy...but everyone in this movie acts like a goddamned cartoon character. Their motivations only make sense if you're five, and it made me feel like I just ate a big bowl of Sug-eerios, which is what I used to call it as a kid when I dumped a metric kilo of sugar over my bland Cheerios as a kid. Maybe I'm being too hard on it. I've seen movies with this kind of manic tone before and loved them, but this wavered too much between rom-com and slapstick for me. Which brings me to...
He's Just Not That Into You - A film that just goes to show what Hollywood really thinks about the tastes of woman and what they'll be willing to see on a lovey holiday. Don't get me wrong, I liked this one more than Confessions, but a lot of that had to do with the cast, all of which I thoroughly believe in and would follow into the gates of hell (except for that one ass-clown Bradley Cooper; who decided this guy was the next big thing? Get outta my movie Cooper, you don't deserve to lick the dogshit from Ben Affleck's bootheel!!). That being said, I think this movie missed the mark it was going for--you know, women's lib or some shit--and went completely the other direction to be pretty demeaning to the fairer sex. They try to explain through the characters that women should stop expecting their men to change, while still portraying them as being totally dependent on them for their happiness. Again, this doesn't affect me personally (I do, after all, have a penis, so I don't have to worry about these things. Or giving birth, thank God...), I think it was an enjoyable film, but I don't want anybody fooling themselves into thinking they're empowered just because they hang around in a bar every single night meeting guys but don't hound them for dates. Jesus, there's more to life than a significant other. Buy a dog and read a book...
Friday the 13th - I saw this, then came home with friends and watched the original 1 and 2. As one guy said, the new one is 1, 2, and 3 all crammed together, and it really is, with better acting, more brutal deaths, and much more beautiful breasts (rhyme unintentional). And really, what more can you ask for from a slasher film?
The King of California - This is an independent film Michael Douglas made several years back. He plays a freshly-released mental patient who goes home to the daughter he left years before (Rachel Evan Wood, doing a great Zooey Deschanel impersonation), convinced that he has found a lost Spanish treasure during his time in Purgatory. He makes the girl's life a living hell while she's drug around on the hunt. The best part about this film: he believes it's buried under their local Costco. Pretty good film, great ending.
Fifty Pills - I've been watching a lot of drug movies recently... This one co-stars Kristen Bell from an early point in her career, and centers on a desperate college student that has 1 day to sell 50 hits of ecstasy if he wants to stay in school. He meets a whole host of amusing characters, and there are some funny moments and crazy cameos for such a low budget affair, but really this doesn't do anything to transcend the genre. Good for a laugh, but it's been done many times.
Push - I'm a huge Chris Evans fan. I would see him in anything. I'm neutral on Camilla Belle and it was really weird to see Dakota Fanning back in action, since it's been a few years since I watched her in anything. Push, a story about ordinary people with extraordinary powers trying to take down a government agency that wants to control them, isn't bad, and I would certainly see the sequel they obviously have planned, but it's far from great. It suffers from Heroesitis pretty badly: that is, plot twists that only make sense if you don't look too far beneath the surface. Characters come and go, all one-dimensional, talent wasted. The ideas for the powers are very cool, but, again, so is Heroes. It's a toss-up for this one, so consider carefully before seeing.
Smiley Face - This independent Anna Farris film is a gem! The description really doesn't sound like much--an actress accidentally gets stoned off of brownies and has to go about her day high, including paying the electric bill and going to an audition--but it's as funny as anything the Apatow crew is doing these days. The laughs are just so out of left field, the humor so bizarre, but all the elements coalescent into a perfect comedy.
Wendigo - I wasn't expecting to much from this low, looooow budget horror movie from several years back. I think I put it on my Netflix queue months ago just because it had Erik Per Sullivan in it, and I just finished watching all of Malcolm in the Middle. Wendigo actually started out strong: the grainy filmography was really working for it, and the movie starts out at such a weird angle I couldn't help put be drawn in: a family of three hits a dying deer, chased onto the road by three drunken hunters. An altercation occurs, and then the family goes on to their cabin, which just happens to be right down the street from where the hunters live. Some weird mysteries occur, nothing supernatural, and again, I was intrigued and wondering what the movie had to do with a Wendigo. Then we go off on this Native American tangent and I was bored to tears. When the pace finally picks back up, the tension is gone and the monster is laughable. Abacus had fallen asleep by this point, so I was left to amuse myself by warbling, "It's the WEEEENDEEEGO!!!" every time the jittery creature leapt out from behind a tree. If you ever talk to me in person, get me to say it. I still think it's fuckin' hilarious...
RX - I enjoyed this. Eric Balfour and Colin Hanks play college kids determined to bring prescription drugs back across the border from Mexico to pay for school debts. Unfortunately, the only way to do that is to swallow them...all 90 hits. Things take some very dark turns, and they're quickly on the run. Bonus is that Alan Tudyk plays the gay Nazi drug dealer, which is great until he has to be scary.
The X-Files: I Want to Believe - I can certainly understand the problem that people had with this film, and I can also appreciate what Chris Carter was trying to do with it. This was a wholly, character-driven movie, one where our love of Fox Mulder and Dana Scully was supposed to enhance our enjoyment of the trivialities they go through just because it helps them grow as people. That's fine when you have an hour every week--this would be one of those least-favorite episodes that everybody watches just so they can understand a character's motivation later in the story arc--but in a franchise movie that's separated from its mythology by a good six years, we need something to get us a little more revved up. Don't get me wrong, the story itself is pretty creepy, it's just episode-#123-creepy, and not big-budget-in-the-theater creepy. I read some rumor that this was just to keep things alive until the big alien invasion movie comes out. Let us pray.
My Bloody Valentine: 3D - After I got used to the 3D (this was, after all the first actual 3D movie I'd seen since I was about 10 years old), and the rather confusing opening, and Abs-tastic got the obnoxious kids behind us kicked out, to the cheers of our fellow movie-goes, I actually found this rather enjoyable. It wasn't Scream-quality, who-dun-it, slasher fare, even though it desperately wanted to be, but the story was okay and the acting was passable. Good to see Kerr Smith in something again, and a little weird to see Jaime King no longer as the hot girl with a younger, tighter model is brought in. Judging by the packed theater and the crowd waiting to get in afterward, I would say we'll probably have a sequel.
The Contenders: Series 7 - This movie was great for what it was: a semi-serious spoof on reality television about six strangers that are handed guns and told they have to be the last one standing. It's filmed exactly like reality television, which is part of the fun, and helps give the over-the-top serious drama that shows like this always try to inject just the right amount of irony. Plus a very young Will Arnett shows up briefly! In the grand scheme of things, its nothing to write home about, but you could certainly fill a Netflix queue spot with something worse.
Sex and the City - Abs got the super ultimate awesome deluxe edition of this for Christmas. As someone that's never watched an entire episode of the show, I can tell you that all those claims about how guys could enjoy this too were...true. Really, I found this entertaining, easy to follow, and, well, fun. My only real problems with it was that it 2 and 1/2 hours, it gets a little long, and, as I talked about with Abs, it truly shows the dichotomy between what women want to fantasize about and what men want to fantasize about, and I don't mean in the bedroom. Frankly, all the opulence in women's movies like this--high class fashion, expensive restaurants, money, money, money--makes me a little queasy. Give me a hero from the gutter any day.
Black Sheep - No, not the Chris Farley one (KILL WHITEY!!!!). Apparently when Peter Jackson cleared out of New Zealand, he left behind a ton of cash injected right into the local movie industry that allowed them to put out pieces like this decently filmed, okay special effects film about zombie sheep on a sprawling NZ ranch. But high production values doesn't change the fact that this is still C movie schlock with a laughable premise and storyline. But at least it shows they're trying, which is more than I can say for some American studios...
Gran Torino - OH. MY. GOD. Clint Eastwood can still kick ten kinds of ass with only a glare! This is a man's tearjerker, a film that every time it got close to something truly sentimental, Eastwood would pop off with one of his neverending supply of colorful racial slurs and ruin the moment in the most delightful way. Although it wasn't what I was expecting--him driving around in a Gran Torino with a lot of guns, saving the day--it was actually much better, a film about a man coming truly alive at a point when he should be winding down. Eastwood is a shining example for what Hollywood could be if executives actually cared about the movies they put together.
Tin Man - I had wanted to watch this when it was first aired on Sci-Fi, but never got around to it. I got both discs through Netflix, got through parts 1 and 2 and then gave up. This suffered from the same problem as Hellboy 2: it was beautiful and eyecatching and even had decent special effects for a TV movie, and even the classic story had been twisted around in pretty cool ways, but it felt like too much time was spent on production value and not enough on the characters. I wanted to like these people, but they just felt too hollow. Zooey seemed like she was sleepwalking through the whole affair. Anyway, since everyone else loved it, I'm probably a minority voice here.
Marley and Me - The first movie of 2009. At first I was literally flinching every time Owen Wilson delivered a line. I just didn't think I could take him playing not only the straight man, but the sympathetic straight man. But then the movie really started to take shape, and all of that was forgotten. There's a great chemistry at work here, not only between Wilson and Aniston, or the two of them and the dog, but all three of them and life. This was a believable movie full of yearning and straining and accomplishing and hard decisions and regret, and maybe it's just because I find myself at such important life crossroads lately that I was able to identify, but I enjoyed every bit of this film that wasn't about the titular dog as the parts that were. The end is a little drawn out, genetically engineered to sap every last ounce of moisture out of your eyeballs, to the point that it could be ridiculous in less able hands, but by the time you get there, you're so invested in the characters that you really don't notice. Also, I find it interesting that it opened against Benjamin Button. Was that intention, do you think???
TELEVISION:
Lost, South Park and Drawn Together, My Name is Earl, The Office, Sopranos, Big Love, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Sopranos (R.I.P) and Robot Chicken. Past love affairs have been Buffy TVS, Angel...um, Sliders? Anybody remember Sliders? Before Jerry O'Connell's twin brother took over? Um...hell, I know I watched more TV than this... oh, Entourage...Carnivale was great, and cancelled far before its time (but everyone has some show they say that about), oh yeah, how could I forget Seinfeld?
Roswell - Abs had all three seasons, and we watched them together. I have to say, I think this show suffered from lackadaisical writing and dropped plot threads worse than anything I've ever watched. On the other hand, it cast such hot women that it almost blew my mind on a consistent basis (Majandra Delfino, I would like to have your children; wait, does that make sense?) I think the first season started out with a lot of promise: they developed a slow, building cohesion between characters that was fun and believable. They didn't trust one another, but they were forced to be together. The secret had to be guarded, but they kept letting people slip in. I absolutely loved Michael and Maria's romance, far more than anything happening with googly-eyed Max and Liz. Couple all that with the awesome underlying threat of governmental exposure, a renegade alien from their own planet, and the promise of a bigger alien threat next season, and you have a sci-fi show that could have--and really should have--gone places. I can, however, tell you the moment it jumped the shark. Skip to the end of the season one finale and you'll see it to. Our heroes are all in a cave after learning their true origins, and the godlike voice of their mothers tells them that in a past life on another planet, Max and Tess were married. Max, and this girl he really doesn't know named Tess. But think about it: that has all the significance of a fortune teller saying that in a past life you were a latrine digger. It doesn't mean you'll go out and start making shit wells right then and there. So how does Liz, who seemed pretty level-headed up to this point, take this strange news before it can even be digested? She basically screams at Max that she never wants to see him again and does an Anna-Faris-Scary-Movie run off into the desert. Wow, Max got in trouble and he hadn't even cheated yet. And it's all downhill from there. The sense of group togetherness that was so vital in the first season is completely forgotten. The remaining two seasons the writers spend copious amounts of time figuring out how the number of ridiculous ways they can keep Max and Liz apart, and when they get bored there, they start on Michael and Maria. Because of some awkward writing, Max starts coming off as quite an unintentional asshole, culminating in the one act I just couldn't forgiving him for: telling Katherine Heigl's Isabel that she can't go away to school or he'll "tell everyone she has a drug problem" (on the other hand, it's been a great ongoing joke ever since). Plotlines are started, dropped out of boredom, picked up at random times. The second season starts off with some great stuff about an alien race called the Skins, but is quickly abandoned so Michael can have a niece or cousin or granddaughter or whatever. A plotline about Future Max is later proved completely worthless, but the characters never deal with the consequences. And don't even get me started on the Tess killing Alex stuff; that was the most clumsily handled mystery I've ever seen. And then season 3 happened, and it was like I was watching a different show. Hi gang, remember when you were aliens and you had to look over your shoulder constantly cause paranoia was a way of life? So why is Michael using his powers to bend trees in public to improve his golf game? Oh God, and Max and Liz in the armed robbery thing...horrible. The way Cavar was handled, after waiting so long for a payoff...criminal. And Jesse. Ah, Jesse. Every time Isabel's out-of-the-blue, token-hispanic-character hubby was on screen I had the urge to punch things. Allllll of that being said, I still didn't hate it. It's deeply flawed, yes, but at least it's not Two and a Half Men. Meeeeeeen! And Abs, if you don't like my review...well, then, I'm going to tell everyone you have a drug problem!
MUSIC:
Foo Fighters, Weezer, Audioslave, Alice in Chains, Metallica, Coldplay, Beck, Chevelle, Eminem, Disturbed, Green Day, Killers, Korn, Linkin Park, Moby, Nirvana, The Offspring, Tool, Rage Against the Machine, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Rob Zombie, Smashing Pumpkins, Stone Temple Pilots, among others. Recent listens:
21st Century Breakdown: Green Day - This doesn't sound typical of the boys; it's just too mellow in some ways, and I didn't feel like there was one great punk anthem on the entire thing. Know Your Enemy is fun, and there are a few others that got my attention, but for a 20 track album, there's just not a lot here to get excited about.
Relapse: Eminem - Shady is back and at the top of his game. This is some blazingly fast rhymes set against some of the catchiest backbeats to come out the rap game. I felt like the lyrics fall flat in a few places--some of the pop culture jabs just come off as cheap and underhanded--but it's Em doing what he does best. My Darlingis probably one of the best tracks, as he battles with his own inner demons in the most literal sense. Despite what he says on the album, the four-year rest did him some good.
BOOKS:
Besides big SK, Douglas Adams, Clive Barker, Charlie Huston, Dean Koontz, Nelson Demille, Ian Fleming, John Grisham, Thomas Harris, Bentley Little, Robert McCammon, Chuck Palahniuk, James Patterson, J.K. Rowling and Charles Sheffield. And, more recently A. Lee Martinez. Recent reads:
Severance Package Duane Swiercynski - This one happened to catch my eye in the "We Recommend" section of my Amazon account, due to my sudden interest in crime fiction. While I was disappointed with the ending, Swiercynski spins a lightning-paced, very fun tale about a typical office building that's being shut down...due to the fact that they're a front for a covert government branch. Unfortunately "shut down" means "dead," and the employees begin to fight for their lives, each with their own twisted agendas. Overall, a great summer read.
Odd Hours Dean Koontz - I've really loved the Odd Thomas books thus far, but this fourth installment just felt like a setup for better things to come. The majority of the action in this one revolves around Odd stopping a group of small-town terrorists as they prepare to take possession of nuclear weapons; pretty much 24 on any given day. But the overwhelming majority of more interesting questions the book leaves us with reach the point of frustration and then cross the line: Who is the pregnant woman Odd has sworn to protect (here she serves only as a plot device to get Odd where he needs to go to start this book's mystery)? What was sitting in the swing on the porch? What does that have to do with the strange sounds in the sewer? Too much now it seems like Koontz covers up lazy storytelling with clever characters--such as another psychic lady that picks Odd up out of nowhere and gives him a ride to his next destination and all the supplies he needs for the rest of the book--and his prose gets a little drawn out when Odd waxes about life in general. An acceptable read, but certainly not my favorite.
Boy's Life Robert R. McCammon - One of the last RRM novels I had left to read. I don't know why I put it off so long, because this book is fantastic. Set in a small Alabama town in the sixties, a young boy goes through the wonders of growing up, sees such amazing things as a swamp monster, an old west gun fighter, and a dinosaur, goes through the death of his dog and best friend, all while trying to unravel a town-spanning mystery involving the murder of a nameless young man with only a green feather as a clue. Interestingly, I read Bethany's Sin, one of McCammon's first books, right before this, and the evolution of his prose was amazing to behold. Boy's Life is McCammon at his absolute best, a terrifying, heart-wrenching wonder of a novel.
COMICS:
I love Mark Millar (most of the time), Bryan Hitch's and Jim Lee's art, Robert Kirkman, Warren Ellis, Garth Ennis, etc. Stuff I'm keeping up with includes the Ultimate universe stuff, Walking Dead, Invincible, various others. I'll only review stuff that really catches my attention, such as:
Ultimatum, Issue 2 - (SPOILERS!) I'm really digging this Marvel Ultimate Universe crossover. It's pretty much just the equivalent of all the other big event books--DC's Last Last Final Final We Promise Crisis, or the Skrull Invasion over in the main Marvel U--except that I actually understand what the fuck is going on. The setup is simple: Magneto is pissed about the events of The Ultimates 3, in which his children were both killed. And while that entire run was abysmal, it did jumpstart this book up nicely, which has Magneto using his powers in the most destructive way possible--shifting the poles to create global havoc. A tidal wave has wiped out New York and frozen most of Europe. Heroes from all four Ultimate books scramble to help out. Marvel had warned that people would die in this series, in an attempt to shake things up, and that promise has been fulfilled. This issue alone we saw Wasp's intestines ripped out and Professor X's neck snapped, and Cap is on the operating table at S.H.I.E.L.D. getting his heart jumpstarted. Good stuff, great artwork. Check it out.
Thanks for the kind Friend acceptance, Russell. It is in all ways a pleasure to meet another storyteller. May the adventure continue. I believe you would like Major Westfall as he tackled terrorists in HONOR DEFENDED as they attempt to attack the Washington State ferries. Let me know. May this turning of the Great Wheel of Life bring you many blessings. Be well, DH Winner of the 2008 Silver Medal for Fiction by the Military Writers Society of America (MWSA) Honor Defended on sale now. Book II of the Citizen Warrior series Dedicated to the 'Quiet Professionals The Books of D. H. Brown "War Brothers are not chosen, for In conflict mated, we were created Sentenced as each other's keeper Till death do us part." ~The Major
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