Like any sane and normal female I have considerably more pairs of shoes than electronic gadgets. I'm an artist (see pics for examples), and I write stories. Would you like to read some? click here for my stories.
I make pancakes. I like the English seaside. I drink too much.
Finally, fart jokes. Don't try and tell me they're not funny, because they are. Fact.
Music
Creaky old rock'n'roll with twangy guitars. Preferably on crackly vinyl.
Movies
The Umbrellas of Cherbourg, Brief Encounter, Bonnie and Clyde, Napolean Dynamite, Pretty in Pink, The Purple Rose of Cairo, Under the Skin, Anchorman, Zoolander, Pennies from Heaven, Dude, Where's My Car? Wayne's World, plus all musicals, ever. Oh, and Legally Blonde.
Television
Anything that allows me to cruelly mock unfortunates from the safety of my sofa. Anything that allows me to play the "who's your boyfriend?" game. Anything involving crying fatsos and teenage chavs.
Books
uh.....
Heroes
Ant and Lucy. They are the wiiiind beneath my (bingo) wiiiings. Actually someone once told me I look like Bette Midler. When I acted affronted, he had the gall to say "what?? it was a compliment!!"
I ask you. And don't tell me the 'heroes' section is no place for a lookie-likie anecdote. it's MY page and I'll do what i want!
And thinking about it in human terms, the wind beneath a person's wings is in fact the air you use to do a comedy armpit fart. Isn't it? So in fact, what Bette was saying to her beloved was "You Give Me The Power To Do An Armpit Fart". Which in my opinion is a far greater accolade and I would even venture to say, that if Bette had just been honest about her feelings in Beaches and told the other chick that because of her she could pit-fart, the other chick probably wouldn't have died. It's just a thought I'm putting on the table, folks. Just a thought.
About me: The merest whiff of a pint of mild and I'm singing show tunes to a fantasy audience of sailors and showgirls, who are all clapping enthusiastically and wishing they were me. I place more emphasis on volume than singing talent but my fantasy audience don't mind. My real life audience (everyone else in the pub) tends to be considerably less impressed.
Things I heart: my boyfriend, my friends, gardening, Trevor The Get Well Cat, Mr Tom, Grazia magazine, brass bands, northern values, posh cosmetics, singing duets with Ant in his car, fish & chips and Cherry Garcia frozen yoghurt (not together. although...)
I do have brains but I choose not to use them most of the time. I used to be unbeatable at Playstation Singstar until that goddam Lucy started beating me, but she practises on her own so she doesn't count really. I drop things and trip over a lot. I never admit to being wrong.
I'm a bit of a twat, to be honest.
Who I'd like to meet: Randy Jackson and Kirsty Allsop. I'll sit in the middle if you don't mind.
Who I wouldn't like to meet: Your band. I'm sorry but I have NO interest in going to your page and checking out your songs so please spare me from an email asking me to. Just don't bother, please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD don't bother.
Who I wouldn't like to meet 2: Apostrophe retard's
And finally: Well of course it's not my real name. I'm from Cleethorpes!
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