Tarzan, my beloved cat, and the last of my cats, died this morning at the vet hospital. He was diagnosed with kidney disease a few years ago, and had done well with treatment. He had recently had some seizures, but had made a good recovery and continued to fight. In the last few days he had begun to collect fluids, and had really taken a turn for the worst. It turned out to most likely be heart disease, and no hope of him fighting it off and stretching any more life out of it than he has managed to so far.
Tarzan loved to go out into the nearby park with me and hike around the creek and woods. He has been through many adventures, and was 19 years old. He took his trips to the vet on the back of my motorcycle, and preferred it to being stuck in a car. Some people at the vet had dubbed him biker kitty, and the energizer kitty.
He came into my life in the spring of '94 as a tiny kitten, and has been with me through most of my twenties, my thirties, and into my forties. He was my best friend, and having never had the family of my own I expected to by now, like a child to me. He had many admirers, and was well known to many.
Tarzan enjoyed salmon, tuna, scallops, and just about any other fish I made. He also liked some blue and other cultured cheeses, turkey, especially thin sliced turkey breast with the thin cracked pepper coating, pork chops, roast beef, and any kind of chicken. He was especially found of steamed, spiced shrimp, peeled with the spice brushed off, and buffalo wings with the skin peeled off and the extra sauce wiped off. He also loved New England clam chowder, most creamed soups, and chicken noodle, in addition to some other foods.
Tarzan has been my best friend for all these years. There will never be another cat like him.
I will always love him.
Good bye Tarzan. You have been my best friend, like a child to me, and you will live in my heart forever. I love you.
So the things going on and being done to me include a lot ofunknown, convoluted, sketchy details of people getting involvedwith various ulterior motives, people trying to simply choosemy entire life for me, people trying to bury their own dirt init, and people generally trying to use it to get whatever theycan out of it. There is all this, and any issues it has causedfor people where they are trying to avoid responsibility, havegotten themselves in shit over it, etc. This is a giantclusterfuck of details in it all that I don't really have muchin the way of information of specifics on.What is going on, as is done to me, can be described a littlemore simply.There are two parts.One is all the weird, extreme, crazy stuff being done to me.The stuff that is supossed to make me sound insane if I can'tprove it is going on, but try to let people know what is goingon. The bizarre technology stuff, the little mind game skits,the vandalism, the anonymously given scenarios, etc. All ofthat is supossed to make me look like I've completely lost mymind. It's basically very hard core gaslighting.But this can't really accomplish much other than fucking up mylife, and discrediting me. There is a limit to how much couldbe gotten out of this alone. If people know things are goingon, and they are being presented as going on over the idea thatI have some kind of mental illness, then people are likely tosay, "So what? He's a nice guy. Just leave him alone. Let himdecide how to deal with things himself."That would be the normal reaction. But it doesn't give peoplewho are completely freaked out about something they seem tothink I'm eventually going to find out all about, leverage orcontrol.This is were the second part comes in. The second part is thatthey torment me non stop, constantly trying to make me astormented as possible at all times. They add to this pouringall these ridiculous scenarios at me they want me to think aregoing on, that they try to depict as me having delussions inthe making me look nuts part. They get people to act out somelittle peice of it with the idea that if I see a peice of astory actually happening, no matter how inconsequential it is,that it will make me believe the entire story must be real.
If I don't fall for it, I'm still having to deal with all thisbullshit going on around me all the time, while I am kept inconstant torment. So anytime the people behind this shit wantto put on a little show for the public of me being crazy anddangerous, they gear all the little skits and scenarios towhoever they want it to focus on. I get bombarded with all thisbullshit, while they make it all focus on a few people. Theytry to pump me up as much as they can, wind me up, torment me,push me as far as they can. And then they have one of thosepeople appear, baically trying to push my buttons to my facewith shit that would seem like nothing by itself, even ifanyone else caught it.The idea is to use the first thing to wind me up as much aspossible, while making it seem like I have all thesedelussions. But noone would really care about it if theythought I did. No one could use that alone as a justificationto force anything on me. And then use the second part to try toget any reaction out of me they can.It doesn't even matter if I don't believe the stories, if theymake other people think I do, then get a reaction out of me,and portray that to people as me not just being some poordelussional guy that people should just leave alone. But as adelussional person who is acting out their delussions, therebymaking them a dangerous person who should be forced intotreatment, put on lists, courtordered into treatment andmonitoring, etc.This is what they are trying to do with these two things. Makeit look like I have delussions, and make it look like I amacting them out, thereby creating the image of me as adangerous person over whom control should be handed to others.Once this is in place, it can be used in a lot of ways thatseem to pretty well address any other kinds of issues that havecome up in this for them.Any bad things people claim I have done that they have gottenshit over claiming I have done, they could then make seemcredible by pointing to me as a registered ward of the psychsystem, and say that well, here is all this stuff going on withme that people didn't ever think before that is a perfectexample of something that might cause me to do such things.Any question of things going on without my knowledge could beanswered by pointing to this and claiming that my mind is justso screwed up in so many ways that no one should really expectme to have any right idea of if I knew about anything, whatis going on, what is real or not, etc, etc, etc.It could also be used to discredit me about anything anyonewants to do to try to make me do or say whatever they want. Noone would believe anything I say is going on, so it could go onuntill I am forced to do whatever they want.Someone involved in this who refused to identify themself madea statement a while back in this, that recently got recycled init.They said that the way they see it, it is only a matter of timebefore it works out for them. That if you torture a dog longenough, it's going to bite whoever you have put themselves infront of it, even if that person isn't the one actually hurtingit.Most of the time the people they have put themselves in frontof me like that are people who have gone really out of theirway to make sure there is no possible way I could think I'mjust imagining that they have something to do with it in someway.At one point they went so far as to try to use the tactic ofgetting someone to become physical with me. The idea was to havesomeone physically assault me untill I responded, and then havetheir own witnesses appear to be unrelated people who wouldappear, to swear that I was the agressor.But the person left a mark that by morning had fully emerged asa large bruise in the perfect shape of a boot toe on the backof my leg. I reported it, pictures were taken, and it wasignored as a case while I was given stories everytime I calledabout it having been assigned to the greatest detective,but who was tragically at that time in the hospital sufferinggrave health issues, and who just wouldn't be able to pursuethe case untill they recovered.At that time they changed tactics to massively increase all thetorments that I have no way to prove where they are comingfrom, and began really massively increasing the stories of shitgoing on meant to wind me up.It was at this time that all the stuff going on was reworked upto a level that I no longer had any way to shrug off all thethings going on as coincidence, random accidents, or randomnasty people screwing with me. And to a level that, at thatpoint, the things going on were cranked up to such a level thatit brought my life to a halt, leaving me basically trappedwithin the bubble of it, hostage to it, unable to keep goingabout my life while just shrugging off things that had becomeconstant, paralizing, and that overwhelmed my life.Everything was suddenly jacked up to that level, and has beengradually increased in combined impact since.There is literally nothing that I'm supossed to be in treatmentfor. There is no secret life of me running around secretlywronging people in terrible ways for years. I'm not runningaround trying to act out ideas, scenarios, stories. I'm justtrying to put enough attention on all of this that I canhopefully stop it and get my life back before I'm too old toaccomplish anything important to me. There is no deal,contract, understanding, agreement, etc, that gives peoplepermission to do anything to me. There's no secret dirt on mebeing held over my head, or waiting to be revealed. This onetwo combination of trying to make me look insane, and trying tomake it look like I'm acting out delussions so I seem courtorder justifiably dangerous is a response to these peoplerealizing they had not dug up anything to use against me,trying to make there be something they can. I didn't suddenlygo insane. I wasn't insane in the first place, somehow hidingit from the world. I don't have any substance problems. I'm notsome kind of monster, predator or psychopath. I'm not some kindof danger, lurking in the midst of society, waiting to suddenlyemerge if not kept under control at all times.I'm just a guy who has had years of my life destroyed by this,who just wants it to stop so I can get back to living.I don't know what, if any, shit people involved in this areactually facing over it. I don't know what they are so freakedout about me eventually finding out.I just want it to stop.I want to have my life be my life, completely free of all ofthis so I can just live like everyone else. Go where I want,look how I want, work where I want, choose how I live, free topursue the life I still hope to get to live a little of withoutany of this any part of it. Able to process this shit, put itbehind me, and draw a line in time where I can say that yes, allthis stuff was done to me, but it's all over, it is all on theother side of that line in time. And everything on this side ofthat line is just life.
They're talking about the bubble again. What they refer to as the bubble is theeffect of them combining mind control to human action to keep me within thisand their real of control. They like to talk about, and now are again, how all Ihave to do is get outide of the bubble to stop them from being able to do thingsto me. This is a story they want others to believe in so it seems like I can bedoing something to stop this. It is not a reality.
An example of this is me moving away. I've been trying to for a long time.
They try to have people around me be presented as the people doing it to me,
rather than just a few of many people involved in it. So they present these ideas
that I could just move away. But when I try to, when I try to finish packing, they
block me with everything they can.They only have allowed me to pack when they have presented a scenario about itthey want to be able to claim is a delussion I have, and use it to portrayideas of me and what is going on. They pull back the restricions put on me tostop me from packing, so I start packing like crazy. Once people have seen thatI am packing, they put a scenario into my head that they say is the explanationthey have made people think about what is in my head, over which they want themto think I am packing.
The idea being that they allow me to pack, they give people a story about it, they
think they see me acting out that story, then I am given that story so it's in my
head, and people think they see me acting it out. So they believe I am acting out
a story, like the idea that I'm being run out of town by someone in defense of
another, where they've made claims that I have wronged this or other persons.
They think this is what I think, but they know it's not true, so they see it as a
delussion. They are then made to think that if I have this delussion there must be
something that I am basing it on, so this makes them think that I have some guilt
in my head about this person where I would believe such a thing as people around
them being after me.So this makes it seem as if there may be something to any claims anyone hasmade about me having wronged them, that people are on their ass about makingabout me, because these things aren't true, and people have poked all kinds ofholes in all the claims being made about me. They don't actually want to let meout of any bubble, to let me go away, because they re in shit that they havestated doesn't go away just because I do. That they need to create appearances,and they need me in their control to use to try to create those appearances.
So they put on an act of wanting me to go away, they pretend this is a choice Ihave, so it seems like I'm choosing not to go away, and for these things to behappening to me. And they keep me stuck in place so they can keep running
these stories and scenarios at me and to others, so they can try to create these
appearances.Another depiction of this bubble is that they say they are this buble, thatthey are in this buble, that the two are one and the same. That if I get awayfrom one, I get away from both. That if I just figure out who and what is inthe bubble, and stay away from them, that I wil get away from this. That theydon't want me around them, they don't want to have to deal with me and this, soif I just get away from, out of this buble, they'll be satisfied and leave mealone.
This is also an illusion to make it seem like there are things that I cando to stop all this, so as long as they are doing it to me, it looks to others asif I am allowing them to do this to me.Part of this illusion is created by them making sure that I can't get away,that there is nowhere I can go, nothing I can do, that they don't make a pointof showing as somewhere and something they can get to me in or at. This is doneto try to give me an idea of them as being everyone everywhere and all powerful.They want me to think this for two reasons.
One is to represent themselves asall powerful, as a control mechanism, and as a sheild. The other is torepresent me as thinking such a thing. To make it seem as if I have delusionsthat everyone everywhere is part of this. This image of me is desired to create a
few effects they can use in diferent ways in diferent places.
One is for the stereotypical depiction of it as how paranoid delusional people think.
Another is so that people in it can deny doing things to me they don't want to admit
to doing, by trying to depict me to others as just being nuts, and thinking thateveryone, everywhere is doing things to me, and that thus, no one shouldactualy believe that they are doing anything to me that they don't admit todoing. To try to give themselves a way to reply to people, "What? No,no,no, hethinks that about everyone, hell he probably thinks it about you," And then tellthem to go do or say some litle thing to me, saying, "Watch, he'll probablythink this is part of some huge scenario too." Then they put a story about itin my head, and they have other people act out all these little pieces of it. Soif anyone does a thing, I have ben made to recognize it, and here is all thisother stuff to go along with it.
This also gives them a way to take people in this who act out things in a way that
would seem obvious even without any story to go with it, the people who go out
of their way to make it blatantly obvious they are fucking with me, a way to
pretend to others that they are also just people who have ben tricked in this, and
don't have any idea they are doing anything wrong.
One example of the difference being someone doing or sayingsomething comonplace that would normaly go unoticed, versus someone coming atme with shit that would be very out of place no matter what, or making everypart of what they say to me be things that are obviously totaly wrong in waysit would be imposible not to notice.
When they say things that are totaly wrong, it has three uses. One is to make
themselves obvious to me. The second is to try to get me to react to it. The third
is to try to actualy get me to think anything that is obviously wrong so they can
depict me as being of a mindset where I have wrong ideas to form an image of
me to sell to others, as wel as using it to depict things that are done to me as also
being something I could just have a wrong idea about, that they don't want others
to realize are actualy being done to me.This tactic is used throughout this, including in such things as hitting me witha false sensation of heat, where there is no actual heat, as well as things thatsound the same in description, but that produce actual huge levels of heat.Where in one I have the feeling of warmth on a spot of my body, but if I put myhand or a thermometer there, it is cool and normal. But in the other the area isactualy very hot. They don't do the fake versions of directed energy sensationsmuch anymore, when at all.
The idea is to do things to me that have the greatest impact, but have others
think they are no more than people would shrug of as no big deal. So that what
is being done to me is what they want others to think it is that they have an
explanation for that people will accept, along with everything else that they think
they can describe away as not being real, either because they can make it sound
like something less, or make it sound like a delusion.This bubble they depict when they want to depict it as something I can get awayfrom, is the same thing they make sure I know there is no way to get away fromwhen they make it clear that they are making sure they continue to havecomplete control over it and me, to present themselves as all powerful. Theytake turns in who or what or where they depict as who or what or where theywant me to focus on in the scenario of the moment as representing aspects of thebubble, in portraying it as something I should be able to get away from. Everydepiction actually such that it would simply send me into another point of this in
which they have demonstrated overwhelmingly they can get to me, do things to
me, whether it is people, places, entire crowds, entire interests or hobbies.In doing so, they take turns representing diferent crowds, activities, places,people, interests, basicaly taking turns representing diferent people, andevery single crowd, interest, place, activety, they have any conection to. Theidea being to represent, to diferent sets of others, the idea that I have choicesin this, and should be able to simply shift my life around to avoid things,people, places, etc, that would get me out of this bubble, so they think that Ihave choices in this, and am therefore chosing to have these things happen tome.
The reality is that they have left me with nothing, no way to get away fromit. They say that the idea is to make it look like I have ways to get away fromthem, while making sure I can't. So as long as they are doing things to me, itlooks like I am letting them. And that they want the only real option be tomake them favorable to me so they wil stop doing things to me. And that theonly way I can do this is by giving up every single thing or part of my lifethat they target, that they say they are going to keep taking anyway, and makelook like I am surendering them anyway. And that these are things that some
people in this want.
That what other people want is for me to claim that any claims theyhave made about me are true.
Others want me to appear as they have described me, to act out these ideas
of me being diferent ways.
That they want others to think that I have all kinds of ways to stop this, so
people think no one is doing anything to me against my will. And they want
the only way for me to actualy be able to make this any less bad on me be to
basicaly give everyone and anyone who is any part of this anything they want
out of it or me, including to show them that I have been broken, and to be
completely under their control so they have that as a way of dealing with the
That they want to represent to people the idea that there are all these things
about me that they don't like, things I have done, etc. And that I could have
just walked away, and avoided them, and they would have been satisfied.
To make it seem as if I have a way to do that, but have chosen not to, am still
around, and therefore have chosen for them to do whatever it takes for them
to be ok with me being around.
To have the result be that I appear to have owned up to any claims they make,
and am letting them do things to me as part of taking responsibility for them.
So that instead of everyone being down on their shit for doing all this to me,
and making all these claims about me, people are made to think these claims aretrue, that I am taking responsibility for them by allowing people to do thingsto me, or that I am having delusions of all of this, based on guilt over theseclaims, as if they were true and plaguing my mind.
And again they come to the idea that this can be used in two ways. To take any
idea of me that people can't actualy prove is bullshit, and make this seem like I
am confirming those ideas.
And to take the claims of me that people have proven to be false, claimthat I am delusional, and claim that I made them think these things about me,and that these were delusions I have about myself.
Thereby taking every single thing that is wrong with this, and making it seem like
something wrong with me, something I have done, something there is nothing
wrong with anyone doing, or something that doesn't exist that they want people
to think I am just imagining.
Thereby clearing themselves of any wrongdoing, making me look like someone
no one should feel any sympathy for with ideas of me doing bad things, making
people think that I have mental illness that would make things being done to me
in that regard also be nothing wrong, and using all of this to create this idea of mehaving done al kinds of bad things that people should want to do bad things tome over if I am just a rotten person.
And that they should only not want to do things to me over if there were some
explanation for them other than me being a rotten person, that I were seen taking
Thereby making the only option for me to stop people from doing openly malicious
things to me be to cover for the people at the top with all the mind shit by
pretending that I have anything and everything wrong with me that anyone ended
up in shit over by doing things to me on the basis of claims of.
In which case the most malicious things would stop, but I would forever be placed
under the control of these people with all the crazy resources, would forever be
stuck with serious false labels of me as a person who would be sen as dangerous
if I am not constantly being controled through these means, or am kept in constant
intensive treatment, or locked away, drugged out of my mind on psychiatric pills.
That the claims that were made of me as such a person that these people didn't
check out before doing things to me over them, are so extreme, and the claims of
me they beefed up when they realized something was wrong with it all, to make
sure people saw me as someone they should want controlled are so extreme, that
there will never be any way for them to not be exposed and have this come back
to them if I am ever allowed to have any kind of a life without them being able to
be seen as doing things to me to make it happen, or of me being in intensive
treatment that can be said to be bringing it about.
But that there doesn't have to be torture as long as they are covered for, and I
don't start showing people that I can accomplish more than is the most they would
ever see such a person as being able to accomplish under any circumstances.
That this means no career, no degree, no family of my own, and that they will do
anything it takes to make sure that these things never happen for me. And make
sure that I never seem to be doing well enough that others begin to think that
maybe there is no reason for people to be controling me and trying to decide my
life for me, as a way for them to make sure they always have a level of control
over me over what has been done, and a way to discredit me in regards to
anything that is done to me.
This is being done to me against my will. I have not agreed to go along withany such thing. I have not been given any choices to stop all this
When people didn't have cellphones yet that made it so easy for them to coordinate and be on me at all times, I still got to be mostly me, most of the time. And yes, the rise of cellphones has paralelled the increases of the level of shit happening to me in a number of ways. As communication has become more constant, so has the stuff being done to me. But before that, I had a life that was still mostly mine, I was mostly me most of the time, I was the real me because they just couldn't work on me as constantly in as many ways. They weren't able to be in nonstop constant communication with each other, and because communication was so much less, they just weren't able to be everywhere at once, coordinate as fast or as well, and I now recognize that for the vast majority of the shit they made go on back then, they had to wait for me to stop moving, to be somehere genuinely predictable as a regular part of my routine, and only seldom got in a shot at me on the move, and generally only from a predictible place, or place I'd been for a few hours. Unlike now where the shit happening to me spread out to a lot more stuff getting done to me on the fly, increasingly literally, exactly in stride with the increase in constant personal level communication.Another thing they weren't able to do to me, that has increased perfectly inline with the increase in personal communication, is hit me with ongoing series of things in a row. I got hit with individual single things, and they happened seemingly out of the blue, in contrast to the rest of the time. It would be normal, normal, normal, normal, something happened, normal, normal, normal, normal, something happened, etc. They were able to occassionally steer me into a place or situation in which they could do, at most, a few things, for the brief time they had me in the specific thing they'd set up. And other than that, it was almost entirely unheard of for me to ever encounter something weird outside of predictable patterns of being at a place, or leaving a place I was known to regularly be. Suddenly cellphones had just started to be available, and I started to encounter a lot more weird stuff, seemingly randomly. Then cellphones became as standard as wallets, fully connected. Communication in many different ways at all times became a reality for all people. And suddenly I was constantly encountering weird shit.The 'accidents' I encounter, the very strange apparent 'coincidences', the things 'inexplicably' 'coincidentally' 'randomly' failing for me, and many other things that have negatively affected my life, have jumped every time exactly when there has been a surge in personal communication, and have gradually increased perfectly in step with the ongoing rise in personal communication, and seem to have leveled out as personal communication has become total, constant, and ever present.Charting the increase in the things happening to me against the rise in personal communication technology is one single line together. It is a perfect match. And every single thing that has been increased that can be pulled off by on the fly communication has increased perfectly in step with the rise in personal communication technology and availability. This pattern does not match anything else. The only thing it actually matches, perfectly matches, is the gradual increase in, and the sudden jumps in, the ability for the average person to be in constant communication in multiple ways, at all times, with multiple people.The things that happened to me before, that were undeniable as someone doing them to me, were simple single things that anyone could be instructed to do, and then simply sent to do. And as such, they were things that people could have just done on their own, with no connection, individually, randomly, coincidentally. And so that is what I took them to be. Things happened, I moved on, and didn't connect it to anything. But as the level, availability, and ability of personal communication has increased, these things have grown more complex, more coordinated, more things that can be run in sets with real time coordination. These increases, perfectly matching both the gradual increase in personal communication technology, and the sudden, rapid jumps, have not been slight. They have been massive.