"The Road to Halcyon"
Chaos. Think about it…how much control do you really have? Not to be an absolute pessimist but… Things will always go wrong… you know it… and you will make mistakes undoubtedly and unexpectedly… you know you will. How do we deal with these battles… these things that can be so incredibly difficult? Some people are never fully able to move on, to learn, to grow… to live in the present tense. Some die because of them, but some will become stronger and more alive than ever before. It is a personal war, I suppose. We always look for closure… a meaning… a purpose… a desire to feel alive… and a life to hopefully propose it carries the deepest of meaning. I suppose, all we ever truly want is to be happy… at peace with the world and ourselves… and to know that we have a place in it that is absolutely irreplaceable. It’s a journey… it really is… It is a road that we travel everyday… and sometimes we walk alone, at our own will. I’ve said it before, “Only I can bring myself from this” or “How could anyone understand?”… I’m sure you have done the same. I want a peace inside myself. I need to feel it… and I’m sure you’ve felt that too. And so I present to you a destination that I am desperately trying to reach, and that I believe we all try to reach. It is a place where we can control this chaos.
I call it “Halcyon.”
“Halcyon” by definition means “calm and peaceful.” It also is a fabled bird, which was supposed to have had the power to calm the wind and the waves while it nested on the sea during the winter solstice.
Just think...
The wind… the waves… what does it mean? The wind has the power to destroy… to demolish the most solid of structures. But doesn’t a gentle breeze also feel good sometimes? Is your life a free-flowing current of water, or is it a tidal wave? How do you perceive them? Do they move you?… Do you move with them?… or do they destroy you?
The Road to Halcyon is a story of this journey… that, as we learn… never ends. . In fact, it will completely start over sometimes. Can we ever truly reach this “Halcyon?” Sometimes it will seem to be in sight, and it glows with the beauty of peace and happiness from afar. But… sometimes it will be so far away… so lost in the darkness that we will want to stop dead in our tracks on the road… and find some way to escape the common feeling of emptiness on the journey. It is a lesson that we learn more and more about with each step along the journey. In taking steps to that reach it, we just might learn to be happy with just writing our story… one that might have the deepest of meaning. I have chosen to write about part of my own “Road to Halcyon,” or at least a mere 15 random chapters of my story. These chapters are not successive in order, but they all are a part of my ultimate story… the one I write every minute of every day. These 15 chapters have been difficult, but in some of them I have succeeded… I have grown… I am stronger… and I will never let them be the death of me. In some of the chapters I learn and I continue to travel, but in other chapters I fail… and I fall… hard. Sometimes still, I wonder if I ever got back up… and how I ever moved on. In one of the last of the 15 chapters, I completely lose sight of Halcyon…no longer is it in the distance on my road… only darkness. I wake in the night only to feel an overwhelming sense of death and purposelessness. It was the horrible feeling… I felt like that night was when I was meant to die. I call out for something… someone… anything… and unexpectedly, Halcyon calls back to me, “Do you wanna fight the war?” What does it mean?… Who was it?… What was it…? Wait!… Suddenly I could see the road again, and I see my tracks behind me. I clearly see the 14 previous chapters in a new light… and a new deeper meaning.
The story I live… the one I write… the journey I travel… the road halcyon… Feels like a war, like chaos, but it is a war that I will live, I will fight, I will grow, and someday…
I will win.
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