Ted The First Sock Puppet (ever)

About me:

By way of commemorating my historical Sock Puppet significance, a young entrepreneur is selling striking portraits of me here:

Marty's Sock Puppet Portrait Online Emporium

I suppose there are many compelling reasons why my Sock Puppet visage ought to be captured and distributed, but the best possible reason of all is the simple Sock Puppet historical significance of who I am.

Quite simply - I am the first. The first Sock Puppet ever created. I am the image that our Sock Puppet Creator first imbued with Sock Puppet sentience - elegant and refined in my very Sock Puppet simplicity. The first to think, to breathe, to speak. The first to live, to love, and to learn. I have borne witness to the greatest of all Sock Puppet achievements and the worst of all Sock Puppet catastrophes. From the signing of the 'Coronation of the first Sock Puppet King' to its varied and often harrowing rebuttals. From the invention of Sock Puppet language to the refutation of Sock Puppet heliocentric cosmology.

My accumulated Sock Puppet wisdom is incomprehensibly immense, and I see absolutely no sense in pretending towards a false modesty regarding it. It is not that I desire to see my name or likeness writ-large, with firey letters emblazened upon the proverbial night sky. I am content to know within myself that my internal Sock Puppet capacity and Sock Puppet perspective is quite nearly boundless. But I am equally content to share this perspective with willing Sock Puppet novices.

It is this very Sock Puppet wisdom that has led me down a path that finds deep satisfaction in thrift. I covet coupons, sales, and bargain basements as if they were mine own offspring. I will leave nary a penny unturned, and never deny a much-deserved drink or platter when it is graciously offered to me.