Sexing your contacts...
Stroking your minutes...
Draining your battery...
Rummaging...
Uploading your junk...
Ready to pounce...
Licking your screen...
Pushing your buttons...
Ignoring your advances...
Siphoning your mindtank...
Shorting your circuits...
Pretending we're you...
Like tiny ninjas...
Melodizing...
Imagining your childhood...
SMSing your mum...
Doing terrible things...
Planting tiny seeds of doubt...
Watching thing unravel...
Desecrating your space...
Languishing in your SMS...
Mocking your choices...
Fleecing your airtime...
Not answering your call waiting...
SUPPORT AND DOWNLOAD ARB TUNES HERE:
The luminaries behind the American Ringtone Band came from humble beginnings, both Dave and Ned were brought up as hobos by their boxcar riding parents and spent the first decades of their life crisscrossing the United States in the very epitome of the American Dream.
With only a homemade kazoo for entertainment and lighter fluid for inspiration they whiled away many a happy afternoon singing, dancing and vomiting on Amtrak property until a chance encounter with some improperly labeled luggage and a case of bourbon lead the two to awake and find themselves in the Ukraine (although it was nearly six months before they themselves realized this) with slight headaches and, inexplicably, a kipper in each pocket.
Rather than let their new surroundings hold them back they threw themselves into work and spent the next 6 years training voles to bobsleigh (a very popular and sexy European sport). Drawn back to the states by their shared loved of Appalachian folk music and substandard electronics, Dave and Ned (or Olek and Yakiv as the small native people adoringly called them) returned in 2005 and planned their twin pronged attack on both the music and cell phone industries. The stock market, unsure of how to respond to such a bold move, mistakenly brought into coffee beans and the resulting crash triggered a coup in Sierra Leone that cost hundreds of lives and had almost no impact on music, cell phones or the price of a cafe latte.
Once back in the states they traveled the country in an old beat up Seabring Convertable, living off only a nicked family credit card and some cash from a drug deal gone wrong. In a few short weeks they had managed to deftly weave both their loves (the music and electronics part, not the ladies and fine malts part) into the goldmine of creativity that is the American Ringtone Band. Their uncanny knack for business (They once sold a smart looking dinner jacket on EBay for what it was worth! However they squandered the cash on herbal ecstasy and several boxes of generic orange drink mix) and ability to deliver a tune that can make your eyes water has driven ARB to the forefront of celluar based music performance.
Back in the Ukraine there are few people who's phones don't ring with ARB ringtones, a sad reminder to them that 'Olek' and 'Yakiv' are no longer adding to their gross national product but a testament to the impression they left on these impressionable yet very small people.
Here in the states we should never forget just how fortunate we are to have such great talent in our midst. Next time you hear a phone ring there's every chance it'll be courtesy of the one and only American Ringtone Band.
The wine was delicious..the conversation ridiculous..then Mark got out my laptop...i can see the resemblance in humor..it's quite sick..and i like it. thank you.
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