Taking your photos and making you feel beautiful. To be so Zen-like, I'm definitely not the one to mess with. Cracking your head with my boot, making fun of everyone, and generally being as egomaniacal as possible. And, oh, yeah, boobs, eating and making people understand that I'm never wrong, and THE KENTUCKY FRIED MAFIA rules the world. Take us on and see what happens. Making people laugh, thru ridiculing anyone around me that strikes me as odd. Drinking, fighting, shooting, and making money as easily as possible. I've been trying to get robbed for the past five years, and I'm sorely disappointed at how lazy the criminals and crackheads in this city have become. What's a brotha got to do to shoot a car-jacker?
Music
SLAYER, Pantera, The Ramones, Hank III, here lately anything by Lords of Acid, Down, REHAB, The MISFITS, Wes Borland, BLOODHOUND GANG, and anything not fully supported by that bastion of bullshit that everyone calls Mtv. Fuck Mtv.....I hate all this new 14 yr old girl music. Anything by Rob Zombie. Most local bands suck, but I dig The Southern Girls, Within Reason, and Maybe Later. My band "The Deadnecks" will eventually take over the world and run trains on your mother. Because outlaw redneck metal country is the way to go. Pop country artists should be set on fire, cuz pop country really SUCKS. And fuck classic rock, too. For some reason, I've been listening to alot of My Chemical Romance lately, I know..........30 Seconds to Mars, too. I know...............
Movies
300, this is where we fight them, this is where they die...and the automatic get-laid if you can sit thru it The Notebook. BOONDOCK SAINTS!!! American Gangster, Scarface, Empire, Four Brothers, Half-Baked, Grosse Point Blank, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, The Departed, AMERICAN PSYCHO, and my cameo at the end of Boogie Nights. The Crow, Into the Wild, and I'm in the process of writing and directing an indie film that will be produced by the KFM and starring us. Should be funny. Ninjas, drugs, and the occasional topless drunk girl, all surrounded by me and my fellow idiots in the KFM. Should be really funny, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.
Television
ATTACK OF THE SHOW!!!, the funniest shit on tv, no doubt. Cops, Best Week Ever, the Daily Show,Robot Chicken, Ghost Hunters.......The Playboy Channel, Club Jenna, and anything that involves naked women.
Books
Harry Potter, The Art of War by Sun Tzu, The Tao of Jeet Kune Do by Bruce Lee, and I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell by Tucker Max. And oh, yeah, HAVE YOU SEEN MY BALLS? A MAN'S QUEST TO BE A MAN AMONG WOMEN. By yours truly, Balls McStallion. Writing it now, hoping to have it in stores by mid-summer 2009. Get your copy and rub one out on it.
Heroes
Myself, my dad, and Patrick Swayze...Bruce Lee, and John Holmes before he went all gay. DB1.... Anyone who stands up and dares to be different in a world where different is the norm. People who know what REAL pain is and triumph over it. And Michael Eason, there's no loyalty stronger than that.
Balls McStallion™ 's Details
Status:
Single
Here for:
Networking, Friends
Orientation:
Straight
Hometown:
Booyah-Ham, Ala
Body type:
5' 10" / Average
Ethnicity:
White / Caucasian
Religion:
Other
Zodiac Sign:
Aries
Smoke / Drink:
Yes / Yes
Occupation:
office,account mgr./doorman, film-maker
Income:
$100,000 to $150,000
Balls McStallion™ is inviting you all to Zydeco for the best New Year's Eve this year. Gonna be awesome. Posted 2 minutes ago view more
About me: My name is Mark and I am the Bad Guy. I take way too many drugs, drink way too much alcohol, eat nothing that is good for me, and I know about 700 different ways to make you my bitch. I work the door at ZYDECO, the most bad-ass music venue-nightclub in Birmingham, don't even try it, you cannot win an argument with me. I'm the greatest bass player you know. I also work with and photograph the SOS Modeling girls here in B'ham, add them.
It's the ONLY modeling company out there with no ulterior motives, and we have the most beautiful girls on the planet. I have no sympathy for you or your problems, please don't bore me to death with them. If I don't like you, you'll know it pretty quickly. I do what I want, say what I want, and there's pretty much nothing that can be done to control me. Alot of people think I'm heartless, but I think I'm funny. I have more friends than I need, please don't think kissing my ass will get you anywhere special. I write funny blogs, put up stickers with my face on them all over the country, and generally do whatever I want. I'm working on my first book, which I have taken on because I believe men aren't men anymore, and it's my job to destroy the whole "metro-sexual" lifestyle. Look for it in stores soon. My best friend on Earth is Boucher, who's my completely deaf and slightly retarded cat. But if you make fun of her, I promise you, she'll piss on you. I'm a notorious hippie beater and frat-boy destroyer, and everytime I make one cry God kisses a baby. I'm friends with some of the most beautiful women you've ever seen, but hands off, you gotta go thru me to get to them. I usually say the wrong things at the worst times, and I'm about as content as I can be. Oh, and once I ate 75 McNuggets. And this is the FUNNIEST SHIT in the world. Pre-BALLS MCSTALLION days, listen to how bad some people hate me.
Who I'd like to meet: Layla Kayleigh, Olivia Munn, Angelina Jolie, God, and Kaylani Lei. And any women with low self-esteem who think I'm funny. Anyone who reads a blog, sees a sticker, or generally wants to hang out with a real Icon. Anyone who thinks the unfunny is the funniest thing they've ever heard. People who don't ask me dumb questions.
yeah, hah as I was reading it, it brought back memories of my first MA show.....have seen them with every singer they've ever had....fuckin crushes!......o so...You coming to my show?...or is that like...against the "rules" since your a with another venue and my shows at the Nick. I understand if you can't make it cause of that or such. Hopefully we can get with Frog and some people and have one at Zydeco soon.......fuckin glad this christmas shit is over...onward to New years and titts!
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