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The Huntress's Interests
General
I'm interested in suing the Brawny corporation. You think you can just use my image to sell your paper towels and not pay me any royalties? WTF!?
Music
I have my own band, and we're pretty good. It's mainly just me as far as who's in the band, and I don't really play any instruments or make any music with the band. Mainly I just masturbate a lot. But I'm pretty good, so if you get a chance to see us live, make sure to check it out.
Movies
Yes. I mean... well, probably "yes", but maybe "no". Draw your own conculsions, you sexy piece of shit.
Television
Is nice. If you find people who watch cool shows sexually atractive, then by all means please start thinking that I watch cool shows.
Books
I always read the New Yorker, but just for the cartoons. They're hilarious!!!
Heroes
That guy down at the bank who's never nice to me. It's part of their job description that they have to be nice to everyone, no matter what... but that guy doesn't give a flying fuck about your "rules", and he'll be an ass to whoever he wants, wherever he wants.
Rollins College
Winter Park,Florida
Graduated: 2003
Degree: Bachelor's Degree
Major: English
Minor: Creative Writing
Clubs: One night my friend Jared Parkinson and I got buck ass naked and ritualistically masturbated into the school's swimming pool, so I guess you could say that we were the founding members of the "Ritualisitically Masturbated into the School's Swimming Pool" club.
1999 to 2003
Tilton School
Tilton,New Hampshire
Graduated: 1999
Student status: Alumni
Degree: High School Diploma
Clubs: Football, Wrestling, Basketball, Baseball, and I was president of the Seth Guttman Fan Club.
1996 to 1999
Denton H S
Denton,Texas
Graduated: N/A
Student status: Alumni
Degree: None
Clubs: Not a damn thing... I was a Freshman.
About me: * I'm the kind of guy who puts question marks on the end of sentences where they don't belong? * I'm the kind of guy who doesn't think he'd be a good interior designer, cause whenever I look at a room my initial reaction is always, "This room would look better if you plucked a single leaf from an oak tree, bronzed it, and mounted it on a pedestal in the center of this room", and that is a ridulously stupid initial reaction to have. * If I'm in a bad mood and I want to shout at someone to make myself feel better, but I don't have anything worthwhile to shout at them about, sometimes I will just run up to them and shout really loud, "I'M SHOUTING AT YOU!!!" * I'm the kind of guy who likes to think about sports and likes to think about sex, but doesn't like to think about them at the same time. Seriously. Cause once I had a dream where I was scoring the winning touchdown in the Super Bowl while watching some soft-core pornography on the stadium jumbotron, and it was just plain disconcerting. I mean, have you ever tried to run in tight pants while sporting a stiffy? It's difficult. And plus those jock straps aren't exactly spacious, ya know? And if there's one thing the Huntress needs, it's spaciousness down there, cause I might be white, but I'm not "white", if you kno what I mean... Please tell me you know what I mean, cause I can't really get any more specific than that without typing the words "I HAVE A REALLY RIDICULOUSLY HUGE SHLONG", and I'm not the kind of guy who would type that on his myspace, mainly cause it's true, and I abhor truth in all its varied forms. * I'm the kind of guy who thinks I should probably erase that last one cause it's weird and creepy and rambling and mentions my groin alittle too frequently, but... Nah. * I'm the kind of guy who as a small child heard the term "road kill" and thought that it meant that the road actually killed it, and that since there was so much road kill around, that roads must be very dangerous. Since there are roads everywhere, I stayed inside all the time, where I had a pet spider that I named Michael and played with night and day until one day Michael bit me and it hurt so bad that I ran outside without thinking about it and stood in the road. Once the road didn't kill me I realized that maybe roads are safe to stand on and travel on, and that discovery helped pave the way for me to become the completely and totally normal guy that I am today. And it's all thanks to that spider. Thank you, Michael!!! Sorry about instinctively smooshing you the second I felt your fangs pierce my skin! * I've never met anyone from Pakistan, but I'd be willing to bet you a thousand dollars that every single Pakastani person in the world is ugly, stupid and just generally sucks ass, because my two true loves in life are gambling and bigotry, and so I think to myself, Why not combine the two? I bet you it's fun. * I think I'd make a pretty good henchman. I follow orders well, I look damn good in monochrome, and I'm a big pussy so it'll be easy for any super hero or special agent to knock me out with one punch as he sneaks into your fortress to defeat you. * No matter how long I intend on microwaving a given item, I always set the timer to 6:66, cause I love me some satan. * I'm the kind of guy who knows where the other sock goes when you're doing laundry... it gets stolen by the KKK, who are stockpiling them due to their (probably) mistaken belief that black people are deathly afraid of socks. * I smell like meat. I think maybe I have a glandular disorder and the smell oozes out of me when I sweat. Or maybe some meat fell into the washer during my last load of laundry. All I really know for sure though is that every time I breath in it's like, "YUM!" * Dogs love me. Probably cause, like I just got through telling you, I smell like meat. * I don't watch Conan O'Brien, but I never miss an episode of Hercules O'Mally. * I'm the kind of guy who doesn't think that last one was very funny, but is going to leave it anyway, cause I'm too lazy to go back and erase it, and yet paradoxically not too lazy to type an entire new bullet point explaining it away. Weird, huh? * I almost never get attacked by birds. It's uncanny. * I have always loved the word "lycanthropy". There's just something about it. One time I loved that word so much I got naked and ran out into my front lawn and started humping a tree and just shouting, "Lycanthropy! Lycanthropy! Lycanthropy!" But I guess you're not allowed to love a word that much, cause the cops came pretty fast. * I don't believe in sunscreen. Probably cause I don't believe in "the sun". * I think if I ever got captured by savages and was about to boiled alive, I'd probably make a whole lot of really racist jokes, cause even on the off chance that I get rescued, the rest of the folks in my group would just assume I went crazy for a minute there, cause no one can really hate Native Americans that much, can they? * I firmly believe that any book worth reading is also worth reading backwards to see if it says anything about how to better serve Satan. Oops. Did I say "Satan"? Ha ha ha. I meant Stan, the guy down the street who's always coming over to my house and telling me to read good books backward for tips on how to better serve him. I know, I know, it sounds crazy. But he's been right about SO many other things I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. * I hate a lot of things. But one thing I have never been able to do is hate anything so long as it is randomly placed in a sink. I swear to God. You could bring Hitler back to life (giving him command of a cyborg army, of course), and so long as he and his minions were randomly placed in a sink, I think I'd be strangely okay with the whole thing. Trust me this works for everything. The next time you get a bill or a picture of your signifigant other having sex with your Dad, or something else equally as sucky, just randomly place it in the sink. You will feel better. Or worse. Or about the same.
Other than that, I'm pretty much just some dude.
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Who I'd like to meet: I mainly set this site up as a place to keep in touch with old friends, and as a place to write down and share some of the filth that spews forth from my mind. But I guess f you can honestly read the jibber-jabber contained within my page and think that I am even 1% more funny or clever than crazy or annoying, then maybe you should message me, and who knows, maybe I'll message you back with some really weird messages, causing us to become best friends forever (or BFF for short) and subsequently take out a time-share on a pony, but I get to name him, cause I saw him first, and I'm the one who is friends with the owner and got us that kick ass monthly rate with no long term commitments.
i miss hanging out with you and us talking shit to each other and pretending we are enemies....wow, that was a long sentence...technically it is still a long sentence and i am speaking in past tense about something that is currently happening, or is it really considered past tense, am i even really making any sense right now? so my house is for sale and we are looking at renting a house downtown. crazy huh?
Oh hi dork wad. Married life is really good. We're going to be in Florida for the holidays. If you aren't back in Texas for Christmas, then maybe you can finally meet BVC and hit on him in person.
ummm....i am not sure yet...i think i have filled my friend quota for the month, maybe i will have room for you next month. try again later. thanks...buh bye. haha. i love this game, i get to be mean without consequences. =)
hahaha, you crack me up! thats good stuff. so, even though you quit hating me...that sure as hell doesn't mean i quit hating you, you cock sucking son of a bitch! ok, just kidding. i love you. haha =) hang out anytime!! peace
hmmmm, so K$ was better...ok, i'll switch it back. so last night, i almost didn't make it in to cover for you, cause like the dumb blonde that i am, i locked my keys in my car and had to sit outside for 1.5 hours to wait for someone to come help me. so i didn't even get to bin until about 715pm. I did however kick ass serving. i had awesome tables! hoorah! so thank you for choosing the lil guy to cover for you!
damn boy, i just read your blogs and other info and laughed hysterically. i don't think i am ever going to look at you the same way ever again. good stuff. =) (by the way i have some sort of obsession with smiley faces at the end of my sentences)
So, you vanish off the face of the planet for what, like maybe 3 and a half years, and then think you can SLIDE back into this MySpace thing without so much as a "hello" or an "I've been busy" or "check out this cool prison tattoo I got in San Quentin?"
Unacceptable. Give me three good reasons to even keep you on my friends list at all, you disappearing douche.
