After about a year or so of hard and vigorous stroking, the Five Second Cummings finaly exploded, due to the building pressure. What once was hard and firm, is now limp and flaccid; and is left feeling unsatisfactory and extremely awkward. You know when you’re about to have sex with some hot girl or guy, (whatever your preference is), and you get to excited and then finish before you were even supposed to start. That kind of awkward. If you haven’t gotten it by now, the point is we’re not a band anymore. Gnat Decay is currently recovering from cancer, and has proudly announced that she is a lesbian. James Odea got way to high one night and fell into the crack of his sofa, we’re still trying to get him out. Will Wissel is currently living with his parents, and squanders what money he does have on hookers and booze. Kelly Mckgwire is a top adviser for the bush white house and is doing a "heckahhff a job." Colin Larkin is going to school where he is learning how to sell out, grow a pony tail,and fake interest in issues. Taylor Rynolds died tragically in a horrible soup accident. (R.I.P.) Brian Marris is rumored to be lifting waits and kicking a whole lot of ass. But no one really knows for sure. Brian Marris is an elusive creature. We would like to give thanks to all the people who supported us through out or bands lifespan. It meant a lot to us then. But not anymore. Fuck all of you. If anyone is just now finding out about us and would like our Full length C.D. and Demo we can set up some sort of name your own price system. Actually we could probably just give them to you for free minus the shipping charge. We also have other useless merchandise crap if you want that. Contact us a gnatdecay@gmail.com. Thanks so much for allowing us to have such a good time. Our carrier has been pointless and without meaning. Who am i kidding no one is going to read this. I could probably write whatever i want. Like Led Zepplin is overrated, and the Sex Pistols suck. Seriously how bad is that band. Does anyone with a clue really like the Sex Pistols. Like I can respect some things that they did, but come on they were just a media act bought and sold by big business. I’m not joking. I bet Executive heads all sat around a desk and said to them selfs "how can we market this new pop culture craze called punk rock?" Fuck those guys.
Shawn(Bassist) will cover himself in peanut butter and birdseed, then go to a Chicago park to be attacked by hoards and hoards of hungry seed carnivering pigeons. All the while one of his friends in the band will film this and we'll post it on the internet for your unlimited viewing enjoyment.
Don't miss Fat Wreck Chords' newest band Star Fucking Hipsters making their way into C-U this month! With members of Leftover Crack, Choking Victim, World Inferno Friendship Society, and The Slackers this is band you won't want to miss. Show starts on time!
Sunday Sept. 21st @ The IMC (202 S. Broadway - Urbana, IL) 8pm - $5 - All-Ages
STAR FUCKING HIPSTERS (NYC - Fat Wreck) EVIL EMPIRE (Chicago ska-core) ALLEYWAY SEX (C-U locals) DIZZY CHAIR TIME (C-U locals) OPIUM DEN MASSACRE (h/c punk from Peoria)
