Well Lubricated Openings, A Full Moon Against A Black Sky, Dale Cooper, Audrey Horne, Aurora Borealis, Harry Callihan, Joey Budafuco, Garcia E. Vega, Ozzy Moe-Kitty, The Electric Mayhem, William Shatner, Fake Smiles, Soundwave, Haribo Gold Bears, Jack Burton, Christina Ricci, Wyld Stallions, Mega Man, Empty Cans Of Disinfectant Spray, The Smell Of Old Records, Doctor Doom, Godzilla, All The Masters At Dutch Masters, Kid N' Play, Peter Parker, Firm Handshakes, and The New Fifty Cents C.D.
It all started in the year 2055, 43 years after the Earth crumbled. Far away in a distant galaxy lived two scientists, and atmospheric visionaries, The Skill and Lord Scyentifik. They were hatched on a remote moon called Skunkadelica, known for it's high levels of oxygen, freedom to breath it, magnificantly colored landscapes, mandatory but not forced smiles, and euphoric smells known to all that lived there as "The Funk". These two visionaries were known as The Force...as in the force that binds the universe. All the natives of this moon would often come to this "Force", to help guide them on their path, and help personify their destiny. Although The Force did not mind this role, they could'nt help but want more for themselves. It was'nt greed, but a needing to discover the mysteries that were their own true being. They were obsessed with the extint planet known as Earth and wanted to travel back to before the madness happened to hopefully share their knowledge and experience with the beings that inhabited it. After only two months of labor and research they built an organic serum that would allow them to travel to any place the mind could paint. Now that this phase was complete our heroes needed to find what the Earth needed to avoid oblivion. They looked upon the Earth for many years and saw a very grey place that had the color filterd out slowly from what humans described as politically correct. Politically correct made laughter wrong, sex evil and scary, ambitions suppressed, and creativity illegal as it would frighten the squares. Technology, which was an artifical tool to help Earth's humans complete tasks faster and more efficiently had much to do with their decline as well. What started as a natural step toward growth turned sour when technology insted of assisting humans complete difficult tasks began to progress so rapidly that it would control and decide each humans next move for them thus programming their entire reality. These being the facts the Force had all the tools they needed to begin their conquest. It was right under their noses the whole time. Earth needed "The Funk". It was "The Funk" that made Skunkadelica such a glorious utopia and it would be "The Funk" that would save the Earth. So in 2003 The Force stationed in Boston Massachusetts and found out that Earth, at one time had "The Funk' and was a nice, fun place to live. This version of "The Funk" was what was known to humans as music and existed in the 1970's and early 80's in the form of hip hop. This being the case The Force decided they would create some of this funk/hip hop music and brighten up the Earth in their own psychedelicate way...as in delicately balancing the psyche. The two worked for four Earth years before they were ready to reveal their technicolor solution. They recruited three humans to become honorary members of The Force and aid in their solution. Their names were Jeffry B., The Red Nightmare and The Katalyst. Now that all the pieces are in place The Force held their first showing under a lunar eclipse on 3/3/07 to a very healthy responce spawning many loyal followers known as the Apprentices Of Funk. With five years to right the wrongs The Force and the Apprentices Of Funk will never stop their journey to make Earth into the beautiful place it once was and revitalize the hopes and dreams of all who inhabit it. Technology is pain...and funk is the remedy.
A thanksgiving offering is bestowed upon the annointed, thonged heads of THE FORCE
small print: to be delived at a later date and time...blackout restrictions may apply...beware the white pidgeon for she is the pretty one who is aware, for he is a prince among paupered laborers
You guys should definitely come out to Harpers Ferry Tonight and check out the Indefinite Article, Grand Buffet and Hopefully Sage Francis will be performing as well!!! Hope to see you guys there, you definitely ROCKED Olivers at The Cask and Flagon, me and shred were super pumped after we saw your set!!!
