Razorcake Zine
The KA-NIVES:
Get Duped: LP
Me like oog music. Me no like think rock. Me no like Volvo commercial rock. Me like Fred Flinstone’s car. Me like furry underwear on go go dancers and ribs so big they tip over the car at the drive-in. Me like Supercharger, Gories, King Kahn and BBQ. Me like music that when it’s swiped with something sharp, it bleeds instead of asks for a credit card number. Me like music that’s raw and booger-eatin’ and has an exhaust leak that gives me a carbon monoxide high. (Me too dumb to die.) Do The Mummies have boogers? If they did, the Ka-Nives would eat those Mummie boogers from all of their noses and steal the Mummies songs in the process, using the uneaten boogers as sheet music. This album’s all covers, and I won’t lie; if they would have said, “All originals, chump,” I’d of believed ‘em, except for “Nervous Breakdown”—no, not that Rise Against song from Lords of Dogtown… or Black Flag… before that—which is great oog music, too. LP limited to 300. Comes with booklet with nice pictures, so no have to read much. –Todd Taylor (Lance Rock)
Once upon a time God put his only son up in a hot jewish chick called Mary and called him Jesus. Two months later Fetal Jesus became the most powerful being in Mary's womb and demanded gifts. Since Mary had never actually put anything except gods wang inside her she decided that gifts of music would have to suffice. The only music available in Bethlehem was that really annoying ululating crap and an awesome drummer boy named Malachi Murillo. Malachi thought Mary was nuts but she was hot and her boobs would pop around a bit if Malachi played fast enough, plus every time her swollen belly touched the water barrel it would turn to beer.
So Malachi invited his two best friends Judas Adams who played the kinnor and Pontius Balls on the four stringed nebol. They would stay up til all hours drinking Jesuschlitz and playing real fast and then one day Jesus was born and gave the three of them magic erections to be past down through the generations to successive rock trios.
So let it be written so let it be done.---Stanche Mellencamp, Chinese And Toothpaste
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The Ka-Nives sound like a hobo undressing one of Chuck Berry's illegitimate daughters."---Slip Risky, Corey Hart Weekly
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This is much better than Assfactor 4---Jim Hall, Parent
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The Ka-Nives are terrible---Torin Mahany, 4 Year Old
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The other night i had a girl over. She refused to wear a Ka-Nives shirt for her walk of shame. Brilliant.---anonymous
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