GeneralNo woman of my intellectual capacity should ever be expected to sum up her vast interests in such a limited amount of space. As if! Oops, I just farted...smells like cabbage. Anyways, my *favorite* activity is shopping, shopping and more shopping! Let me break it down for ya: Anyone who says money doesn't buy happiness is either poor or doesn't live in Beverly Hills, aight!? I'm just keepin' it real! They don't call me Muffy "Rodeo" Mousekewitz for nothin'! I've got an American Express black card and honey I know how to use it! I say, "CHARGE IT!" in my sleep and that ain't no joke!
MusicOMG I like *totally* dig Ashlee Simpson--I LOVE YOU ASH!!! She's like sooo talented! I like her song that goes, YOU MAKE ME WANNA LA-LA! IN THE KITCHEN NA NA NA NA...I don't know the rest. But yea, I like totally rock out to her tape when I'm cruisin' through the Hills in my Hyundai (YUP, I've got an '02 Hyundai Sonata WITH a sunroof! Don't hate!) OMG and I like LOVE Britney! She's like my brotha from another motha. I'm serious! I just bought her new perfume at Macy's and OMG! It's SO tits! I just hope Paris doesn't find out. Paris keeps wanting me to wear *HER* perfume but--between you and me--I think hers smells like a cross between cat urine and orangutang cootch. Ugh, as if! Can you imagine??
MoviesI'm going to use this space to say I think it's a disgrace that you people bought and sold my friend Paris's sex video. As if! I'm like HELLO--she's not even hot! If you wanna see some REAL buck-wild footage then you should see the tape I made this one time at band camp...
TelevisionOMG you guys! My *FAVORITE* is when they like have one of those Beverly Hills 90210 marathons on like FX or whatever and OMG! I shit you not, I won't even leave the couch ONCE the entire day--not even to use the ladies room! By the time it's over I'm like totally chillin' in a pile of my own excrement. Paris tells me I should get Tivo so I can just pause it but I'm all, "HELLO!? The Tivo box like totally clashes with the feng shui of my living room ensemble!" Ugh, can you believe her!? Hit me with a brick!
BooksFirst off, I don't read--I'm read to. That being said, my fave's are Vogue, Elle and Cosmo. In. That. Order.
HeroesMy hero is Donatella Versace. Donna helped me to overcome a hellish and ravaging eating disorder that consumed my life when I first moved to LA. I used to binge on banana-flavored Laffy Taffy and then vomit it back up, only to eat it again and again until my throat burned with the heat of a thousand suns. Through a combination of hypnosis and shock therapy, Donatella was able to free me from this debilitating affliction. She truly saved my life. It's been 46 weeks now since I last ate a Laffy Taffy. THANK YOU DONNA!
My Best Friend:
Filmed in my neighborhood:
About me:Hey everybody, I'm Muffy! I recently moved from Bopton, Arkansas to Beverly Hills, California to live the good life. Champagne wishes and caviar dreams, y'all! Holler! Seriously though--growing up in Bopton, I always knew I deserved better. I always had that little voice in the back of my head (my inner Diva) telling me that I belonged in Beverly Hills. I mean HELLO!? There weren't even any palm trees in Arkansas! OMG and do you have any idea what that humidity did to my hair!? Ugh, as if!
So here I am, it's 2010 and BAM! I'm a big-ballin' shot-callin' 90210 girl now. OMG and before I forget--let me tell you about all the material possessions I own! I've got a tight ride, a super-cool cell phone (pink Razr), mad cash AND a crib in the Hills! I'm serious as cancer, ya'll! This ain't no joke. Oh and PS! I'm best friends with Paris Hilton (love ya P-Thang!)
So females are like ALWAYS tryin' to break my stride by callin' me fake or sayin' I'm ugly. As if! I'm all, "Talk to the hand!" I know I ain't ugly 'cause my momma says so! Momma used to tuck me into bed at night and tell me I'm the most beautiful girl in the whole world. Not to mention, why would Paris hang out with anyone ugly?? As if! All y'all haters just can't handle seein' a girl have mad self-confidence *AND* the latest designer handbags. We're talkin' Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Gucci, Prada--shit, I've even got a Dior barf bag for when I fly first class! Because like L'Oreal, I'm WORTH it!
Lately I've been getting a LOT of messages from haters demanding "proof" that I'm really friends with Paris. I'm like, W.T.F.!? I have mad pics of me and P-Thang hangin' all around town, how much more proof do you need!? Pictures don't lie, hello.
In conclusion, I just wanna thank all my loyal friends and family members for your endless love and support. I wouldn't be what I am today without y'all. And remember kids: NEVER give up on your dreams! If I can go from being a high school dropout living in Arkansas to leading this flashy, glamorous, extravegant Beverly Hills lifestyle--YOU CAN TOO! (As long as you're incredibly attractive, have sick money and don't mind givin' up the lips inbetween your hips). OH! And for all you haters out there: Don't blame ME for your shitty life--blame God! That's all I have to say, aight? Click, dial-tone, goodbye.
Who I'd like to meet:Okay, okay--I know what you're thinkin'. You're probably thinkin' I'm one of those stereotypical, shallow, high maintenance Beverly Hills girls that only dates uber-hot guys. Well EHHH, you're wrong gf! I know it sounds *totally* lame, but my love is blind, aight? It's not what's on the outside that matters to me--it's what's on the inside (of your wallet) that counts. Yep, I'm a cashflow kinda girl. It takes a millionaire to tickle MY Elmo, aight!? Multi-millionaire. So holla at me if you've got at least seven digits in the bank and be sure to include what kind of car you drive. I'll holla back if I can fit you into my hectic shopping/dining/spa schedule.
P.S. Please read my blogs! I'm not just a pretty face--I'm also a talented writer, rapper & advice columnist.
- Status: Single
- Here for: Networking, Dating, Serious Relationships, Friends
- Hometown: Bopton, Arkansas
- Orientation: Straight
- Body type: 4' 9" / Athletic
- Zodiac Sign: Libra
- Children: Someday
- Education: High school
- Occupation: Diva / Professional Shopper / Advice Columnist
- Income: Less than $30,000