Ben Morsss: vocals, guitars, accordion, keyboards Robert Perry: bass, backing vocals Herb Kelly: drums, roofing
Other other members Rob Meyer: bass on Jar Jar Binks, They Chew Us Up, Have I Told You That You Rocked lately, Whole Level Down, Bully Grub Dog: Drums on Whole Level Down Winston Berger: guitar on They Chew Us Up, Bully Greg Davis: drums on They Chew Us Up, Bully Cynetra Verona: vocals on Loneliest of Animals, Jar Jar Binks Cynthia E. Jones: vocals on Have I Told You That You Rocked Lately Marianne Urdshals: vocals on Bully Cassidy Houchins: prehistoric bass playing
and oh, there were more...
Archaeologists have long held that rock and roll music was invented by long-haired, skinny English people back in the 20th century. But a new discovery by a three-man team at the University of Northern Sacramento has taken this belief and turned it right on its ear! While doing research in one of the dumpsters under the 16th Street Bridge in downtown Sacramento, the three men found an ancient black disc wrapped in turkey skin. Scrawled on the skin in cranberry juice was a 95,430-line epic poem which told an amazing story! It seems that there were in fact long-haired, skinny people living in England as early as the 17th century. Their "rocke and rolle Musick" was not accepted in their country, but this may have been less the result of intolerance and more because of the way it sounded when played on violas and bass flugelhorns. Scorned by the powerful Scenesters, ignored by the Holye Recorde Companyes, they built their boat and made their way to the New World. There, they were fortunate enough to land near an all-ages club in what is now Massachusetts, where the native people patiently taught them how to make electricity from "batteryes" and traded them guitars and amps for beads. Apparently, the Pilgrims constructed a primitive recording device that made ingenious use of the area's large natural vinyl deposits, composed several songs about their journey, and recorded them onto the black disc. And these are the very songs you see on your screen today! To wit:
Smile Into A Scowl; in which the Pilgrims talk about the troubles in their homeland
Loneliest Of Animals; serenading a lovely native woman, a Pilgrim reduces what he really wants to very simple and unfortunately quite graphic terms
Food In The House; the Pilgrims and the native people share a feast and realize they have a common enemy in their capitalist oppressors
Since You Said So Long; after the lovely native woman dumps the Pilgrim when he tells her of his dream to pave over the entire country, the Pilgrim feels really sad
Jar Jar Binks; inexplicably, the singer complains about the lameness of the new Star Wars movie (some now hold that this was inserted at a later date, maybe around the time of the Civil War)
Piece of Paradise; there is no song called "Piece of Paradise"
How the document made its way to Sacramento is unknown.
Special statement by Prof. Perry: "I do not feel that this "Jar Jar Binks" song is truly authentic to the time of the Pilgrims. How could these people have made a song inspired by Star Wars or Will Smith? After all, it is a well-documented fact that people in 17th century America were much more into Dr. Who, and Will Smith's album sales in the area lagged far behind the sales of, say, Weird Al Yankovic."
