My primary interest is making people laugh so hard they have to stand up, cross their legs and squeeze their butt cheeks together to keep from crapping their pants.
I also like confusing dogs, any food on a stick and New York.
Music
Sinatra, Devo, Bowie, The Police, Hank Williams, Bing Crosby,
Brazilian Girls, (a cool new band with no Brazilians in the band),
Mosquitos (no mosquitoes, but one Brazilian oddly enough),
The Grates,
Hot Hot Heat is good and I don't care if you think they aren't cool enough. Haven't you heard? Being cool isn't cool any more.
Plolysics,
The Rapture,
Locksley (check them out, they're amazingly good), Ella, Dino, Satch, Basie and nothing else. That is all I like.
No wait, Talking Heads. That's all. Also, there is a tribute band to the Talking Heads in New York called Losers Lounge. A bunch of different people get up and take turns singing. It's a great show. I want to sing "Animals" with them.
"I will ignore animals advice!"
Movies
You may know me from:
LITTLE GIANTS - I played Mike Hammersmith aka "Spikes Dad". My son Spike does pull ups on my arm. Very moving.
BABY'S DAY OUT - John Hughes film where 3 dumb crooks (me, Joe Mantegna and Joe Pantoliano) kidnap a rich baby and it escapes, then we chase it all over Chicago. Okay, so it wasn't the smartest film ever made, but I am worshiped in India and (from what I have heard) The Dominican Republic.
MARS ATTACKS - I was Mitch, the president's (Jack Nicholson) Secret Service agent. I take a death ray for the president. This greatly disturbed many of my fans who do not understand that movies are pretend.
I have done a bunch of other stuff, most of which can be seen on my IMDB profile at the
I am frequently praised for my television work. Unfortunately, the people who praise me have absolutely no power to give me my own show. You may have seen me on:
WINGS - NBC TV series in the 90's. I replaced Lowell the Mechanic. My character was named Bud Bronski and I was much funnier than Thomas Hayden Church, and Thomas Hayden Church was BRILLIANT, so ... ya.
SUPER BOWL XXIX MILLER LITE AD - I played a quarterback that was on every winning team but never played. Very clever ad that won a Clio award. It should be on this site somewhere. If not, you can see it on Youtube.com.
TONIGHT SHOW WITH JOHNNY CARSON - Man, what a rush that first show was. Better than anything I ever did (professionally) in my life. I did the show 4 times before Johnny left, well, 3 actually. I was bumped by Pat Benatar once. I know, Pat Benatar? That's what I was thinking.
HBO ONE NIGHT STAND – A half hour HBO special I did at the Old Vic Theater in my favorite city, Chicago.
MAGGIE WINTERS – A short lived sitcom on CBS staring Faith Ford. I played the bartender Tom Vanderhulst. Did not win any Emmys.
... and many others. Check out my IMDB listing for more details by clicking
here. It lists my complete work history with all sort of links, etc..
Books
The only book I can read is the bible. In fact, I can't even read this. All I can see is the word "bible".
I have written a book that has not been published yet, but if you come to my live show I read portions of it. It is very motivating. It's called Life's Little Instruction Book for Losers.
Heroes
You. Thank you for saving my life that one time. I didn't forget. Sorry about your hat.
About me:
. ..
Hello, this is comedian and actor Brian Haley. I am sure many of you are familiar with the franchise Brian Haley, but I can assure you, I am the real Brian Haley™. If you have seen a Brian Haley somewhere and didn't think he was funny or didn't think he could act, it was most likely one of the franchise players, or it could have been just an unlicensed Brian Haley impersonator. If you saw a Brian Haley and loved him, that was most likely me. As you can tell by the myspace webpage address this is the REAL Brian Haley™. Always look for the Real™ mark on the Brian Haley label.
I am excited to finaly be a part of the myspace community as now I can interact and personally address every one of my friends and fans. Goodness, I can see my “friends” list is filling up already! Tom, you first, what can The Real Brian Haley™ do for you?
Who I'd like to meet:
- For starters the Brian Haley that was in That Darn Cat, that imposter nearly ruined me
- the real Peter, Paul & Mary
- the inventer of the Ab-Lounger
- the head elf in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
- Harpo Marx
- me just before I saw the movie The Aristocrats.
Clips from Carolines Comedy Hour (don't forget to pause the music first)
Well, I know how sensitive you are towards the feelings of your adoring teenage fans, so I thought it best to keep it a secret and not put you in my top friends. I assume that is the reason I am not in yours.
So, here are some very wise advice from the great Louis Jordan.
