Doug E. Fresh

About me:

I'm Doug... I like puppies, burn things, like the internet, walk along the razor's edge, and have deep philosophical discussions. I like taunting animals and inanimate objects for not being able to contemplate their existence.




OK. I give up. This piece is impossible for me. Just pretend that it's me playing it. br>
In LotR all the elves sailed to the "undying lands" to the west. Continental drift caused those lands to move further north and eventually they were left to spend eternity making toys for their new red-suited overlord.
-Doug-E Fresh
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If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, and spoons made rosie o'donnell fat

PANTS PANTS REVOLUTION

'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

FEUDALISM - You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM - You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You take care of the cows and reviece all the milk you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM - You have two cows. The government takes them and pouts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took away from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk as the regulations say you need.
FASCISM - You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM - You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them and you share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM - You have two cows. you have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
DICTATORSHIP - You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY - You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed animals in an apartment.
MILITARISM - You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY - You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY - You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY - The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate."
BRITISH DEMOCRACY - You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anyhting.
BUREAUCRACY - You have two cows. At first, the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. After that, it takes both, shoots one, milks the other, pours the milk down the drain, and then requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
ANARCHY - You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy the only bull.
HONG CONG CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell three os them to your publicly-listed company using letters of credit written by your brother-on-law at the bank and then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back with a tax deductioin for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option to a ninth. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.
ENVIRONMENTALISM - You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing either of them.
FEMINISM - You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
TOTALITARIANISM - You have two cows. The governmant takes them both and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS - You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines or non-specified gender.
COUNTER-CULTURE - Wow, dude, there's like... these cows, man. You gotta try some of this milk.
SURREALISM - You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons


Ann Coulter - evil, crazy bitch? Indeed. ..





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