THE SCALESMAN
Female / Stand-Up
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Chris Rock fans are pusssies! Look what I got!
Male
32 years old
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA
United States
Last Login: 11/4/2009
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Mood:
neutral
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THE SCALESMAN's Comedian Bio
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| Bio | The Scalesman was born just outside of Vegas. This might explain his extreme luckyness... at surviving near death experiences. Recently he fell 20 feet out a window and landed perfectly on his feet, snapping them like dry ramen noodles, but surviving. The Scalesman is more reasonable now. The Scalesman understands that he is not invincible anymore. His gaurdian angel quit! Time to act like an adult. It was a good run.
Even as a child, The Scalesman challenged his environment continuously. At 16 he was fighting frat boys and eluding keystone cops. Making people laugh at keg parties, Deflating the ego's around him was a favorite past time. Demonstrating always, a proclivity for irreverence at a young age. A regular life just wouldn't do.
Growing up in the college town of "Isla Vista" California there was plenty of trouble to get into. Soon he was pulled off the streets and put into a Group home for wayward children. This only strengthened his resolve to fight for his right to be an individual.
At 16 his mother introduced casually that the family was going to move outside into a tee-pee. She'd read an article that all the houses in Santa Barbara were poisoned by this chemical: "Radon". Mother began buying farm animals for my sister. Sheeps, chickens, guinea pigs. One time my Mom and sister walked up to me on a cafe patio when I was doing a business deal where I was trying to get a guy to front me product based on my solid reputation. That's when I saw my Mom rolling up with a sheep on a leash! I figured it was over, the guy was like "That's your Mom? And you guys have a sheep?" I was like "Don't say anything stupid Hippy! My hands have a mind of their own." And he goes "Oh man that was the coolest thing I ever saw. Come on over whatever you want" That was when I realized that this tee-pee thing could work in my favor. Most people made fun of us but the people that liked it really liked it!
So once I got through the anger of being the oldest son in a fatherless family with no control over the families difficulties, I started getting some important work done. Getting out of my home town was a good start. I moved to Hawaii, got chased off (They weren't ready for me.) I moved to Mexico with only 100 dollars. Lived in a Hari Krishna temple as the assistant chef (wrote a movie script) And then came to San Francisco where I found my true love: performing on stage. Now I'm completely at peace with the universe! If they pressed the button right now I'd go happy, I saw cool places, talked to cool people that I loved, and I backed them up when the world tried to fuck with them. I threw a few decent sized rocks in Goliath's eye and whenever I could I laughed. Oh, how I laughed. You guys gotta' come laugh with me! No one is like me.
How could they be? With a Bio like that? | | Website | thescalesman.com | | Influences | The So-cal punk rock skateboarding scene of the early 90's, of which I was a member. People who are individuals, not as resistance to people who try to boss them around, but because they've searched deep in their souls and could never pay attention to what the herd is up to. Per Wellinder, Ozzy, Scorcese ,Robert Hawkins, Arj Barker, Bill Hicks , Bukowski ,Ian Makaye, Jello Biafra, Celine, the guy who stood in front of the tank in Tinnamen, My mother "The Goat Lady of Santa Barbara" | | TV Shows | "HBO one hour special". Two years from now. Ok, at least "Comedy Central Presents" | | Films | "Highly Disgruntled" Starring role with Conor Kellicut and Robert Duchaine | | Albums | "The Wheelchair Chronicles" coming out soon |
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THE SCALESMAN's Interests
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| General | comedy, dialect which may avert the apocalypse, girls, music, skate boarding, snowboarding, and surfing. Nature, travel, cool mother fuckers! | | Music | Ween! Ween! Sabbath, Beck, Nirvana, Hendrix. Are you serious? I can't do this all day bro! I'll present a rough balance. Fugazi, Bad Brains, Misfits, Minor Threat, etc. | | Movies | Scorcese, Kubrick, Gummo, One flew over the..., Requiem for a dream, Eastwood, Lee. Once again I don't have all day. | | Television | Burn that fucker down! Your tv dummy! That's not a new fox reality bowl of poop. | | Heroes | Anyone who stands up against the bullshit! Especially my Mom "The Goat Lady of Santa Barbara" She epitomizes the former. Believe it! |
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THE SCALESMAN's Details
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| Status: | Single | | Here for: | Networking, Dating, Friends | | Orientation: | Straight | | Hometown: | Santa Barbara | | Body type: | 6' 1" / Slim / Slender | | Ethnicity: | White / Caucasian | | Zodiac Sign: | Sagittarius | | Smoke / Drink: | No / No | | Children: | Undecided | | Education: | Some college | | Occupation: | cuuhmeedian |
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THE SCALESMAN's Latest Blog Entry
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