John David

if you're not extrememly bored (or if you don't think i'm the shit and want to absorb as much of my twisted mind as you can) you should skip the next paragraph.

if you've read this far, you deserve a medal or something. or maybe some nachos? what ev. anyway, for those of you who do read this far, here is a little secret i learned after only 25 years: the meaning of life. the meaning to the living of the life is: uhh... i forget... tip of my tongue... i'll get back to you on that.
i did think of something good though. not the meaning of life, but still good. it used to be my quote at the top of the page before I realized it made me sound like a damn hippie: don't believe everything you think. you could be wrong. assumption is the ugly step mother of all fuck ups. you could be wasting so much time basing your life around some shit that's wrong. so the moral of today's story is, Think Different. i suppose it should be think differently, but who wants to think one too many syllables when they could get the point across just fine without it? do you? i sure don't. every time you discover you were wrong probably won't matter enough to impact the whole of your life (your schema ;) if you will), but at least you'll know that you aren't one of the multitude of zombies, just going through the motions. so when you've got a second, think of something you take for granted, and decide if you take it for granted because it's true, or because everyone else does. everyone else has been wrong so many times before. I can't imagine anything being worth more than knowledge or the pursuit thereof. Except maybe a monkey that knows how to make nachos without getting shittles in them.

oh wait… also steve jobs is my hero. i was confused and confounded by him for a long time though. he's a genius, he inspires fanatical loyalty, he makes people want to do their best even when no one is looking… but he's such an asshole, i discovered a little while ago. i think i've come to understand him a little bit though. the problem is that his thinking is so radical, but he presents himself so subtly most of the time. so that when you piss him off he lets you know. a reporter once asked him, “if you could go back and give advice to your 25-year-old self, what would you say?” jobs replied, “not to deal with stupid interviews - i have no time for this philosophical bullshit”. he told the founder of segway that his marketing chief should be selling kleenex at a discount store in idaho. attorney general joel klein asked steve to take part in the antitrust suit against microsoft. he said, “are you going to do something serious, or is it going to be dickless?” he doesn't put up with stupidity in the least. not from anyone. if the queen of england called him and asked him a stupid question he would call her a retard and hang up. which is what i wish everyone would do. maybe you'd stop and think about shit for a change, after being called a retard a few times. another way his thinking is radical is this: he is an icon. a celebrity. he can influence the tide with a flick of his little finger. but to him, he's just a guy. most celebrities say things like "i wanna use my position to help people..." …blah blah blah. which is fine for them. let them do what they want. do what makes you happy. i've always said that. its my most basic tenet in life. as a matter of fact, maybe its the meaning of life. does the meaning of life have to be a definition? or can it be a motto? i saw it on a movie once when i was very young and for some reason it struck a chord in my mind. i don't think i realized it though. it took a while and a few more movies. one guy says something like, i hate doing this or that. the other guy says then don't. one guy says, well what the hell do i do now? the other guy says do what makes you feel good. one guy says hey man i gotta take you in to the station for some questions. the other guy says hey man do what you gotta do. that's not really the same, but its part of the same idea which is, you are an individual. do what makes YOU happy. do what YOU want. and in some cases man, just do what you gotta do. if you lose a friend because you're doing what you gotta do, then think about it for a second. were you wrong or was he wrong. somebody was wrong. friends don't leave for no reason. either he was wrong and he's just an asshole for holding it against you that you did what you had to do, or you're wrong and you shouldn't have done what you did. if you're in a situation and there's no way around it and he gets fucked, he should have the sense to see that you had no choice and to not hold it against you. hey man, i found out it was you that fucked my wife, i have to kick your ass now. hey man, do what you gotta do. sometimes, do what makes you feel good puts you at the wrong end of, do what you gotta do. but hey, if it made you feel good it was worth it. something i took out of the military is that you can do anything you want. hey sergeant, can i go home and get my ipod? kid you can do whatever the fuck you want. but if you get caught, i didn't know you were gone. so be here at zero dark thirty tomorrow. awe man, do i have to? no you don't have to, but you're ass is gonna be diggin fox holes for a week if you aren't. get the idea? you can do anything in the world that you want to do, but sometimes there are consequences. so do what makes you feel good and don't get caught. anyway, steve sees himself as anybody else sees their self. in the interview linked at the end of my “i’d like to meet” section, he says that people in power have no responsibility to “do good”. this goes right along with, do what makes you feel good. just because people look at you and pay attention to you, doesn’t mean you have to adopt africans and work towards world peace. that’s bullshit. those people are still people. they should get to do what they want, not worry about what everybody else wants. i’ve come to understand that steve jobs is a real genius in more ways than one. he is more an idol to me than a hero. oh and jim carrey is also my idol. he's a genius too. it may sound like i throw that word around a lot, but it's because that is what most of this page is about, finding out who i idolize and maybe come to know what jd is like on the inside. well, i'll give you another hint. i'm warm and fuzzy. i'm cold and hard. i'm surrounded by love and happiness. i'm scared and alone. i love everyone, but i don't think most people know what love is. i'm your confidant, tell me all your secrets. i want to know you. come find me.

so do what makes you feel good or do what you gotta do. but trust me on the sun block ;)