TIMBO SLICE

About me:

I have the most versatile name of all TIMe. I am everywhere. Check it. This is TIMportant stuff.

The InTIMidator - the most popular hillbilly of all TIMe and not to mention the King of NASCAR.

TIMpin' Ain't Easy. Big TIMpin, spendin' cheese.

TIMping is not easy. Big TIMping, spending cheese (good grammer and corectly speled version)

It's Miller TIMe. Less Filling, Tastes Great!!! Wait, that's not true I swear.

In my youth, Ren and sTIMpy was the craziest cartoon.

TIMinem - 10 years ago if someone would have told you that in 2008 the best rapper would be white and the best golfer was, well, whatever the hell Tiger is you would have called them crazy. But it's true.

"I'll be back" - The TIMinator.

OpTIMus Prime - Leader of the AUTOBOTS who defeat the DecepTIMcons in Transformers.

Lots of baseball players took performance enhancing drugs just to reach their opTIMal performance.

TIMbaland produces the best beats in pop music today and his favorite brand of boots happens to be TIMberlands.

Justin TIMberlake is Bringing Sexy Back. Who? JUST TIM...Coincidence? I think not.

Kevin Garnett played for the Minnesota TIMberwolves before being traded to the Boston Celtics. It would be alot cooler if they were called the Boston CelTIMs.

People in general enjoy inTIMacy.

For you Michigan fans out there, Chris Webber should have never called that TIMeout the Wolverines lacked.

I recently saw the best action movie I have ever seen, The Bourne UlTIMatum. Mission TIMpossible wasn't bad either.

I am a quiet guy, somewhat TIMid until I get a little liquid courage in me to help sTIMulate conversation (Yeah you just got a two for one deal).

When the Bengals finally win a Superbowl there will surely be a TIMultuous celebration throughout Cincinnati.

It is freezing outside!! Shiver Me TIMbers!!!

I heard on the streets that the people at Webster's are going to change the word impressive to TIMpressive.

Obviously, I have the ulTIMate name in the world.

Okay, there’s more. I was conTIMplating whether to add my new stuff tonight or TIMorrow. But when I was watching my favorite show on TV, The sTIMple Life with Paris HilTIM and Nicole Richie, I saw a commercial for the new Nissan AlTIMa and thought to myself “It’s a nice car, but sure could use better tires and TIMs.” Then, after that, I saw a political ad campaign for Hillary ClinTIM and thought “I would never be TIMpted to vote for her.” Just when I thought this commercial break could not get any worse, there was a commercial that featured a BalTIMore Ravens player and it made me feel ill, like maybe I needed to take my TIMperature. I had not taken any ampheTIMines, so maybe I just needed some RobitussTIM or a simple AntihisTIMine. But then again, maybe it was my allergies flaring up and I would just need to take some ClariTIM. Soon I started to really worry that this obsession with my name would cause me to undergo a meTIMorphasis into this crazy out of control TIMpanzee and start writing TIM all over myself and the wall like Topsy Kretts (played by TIM Carey) in the movie The Number 23. I certainly did not want this to happen because if it did then when my friends saw this crazy TIMpanzee at my place when they came over they would shout “Hey there is a TIMposter in the house!!!” (ATTENTION SHOPPERS: I was on such a roll there for that paragraph that was like buy one get infiniTIM free).

Oh, my, if I keep going I may get Carpal TIMmel syndrome. I have been muy en fuego but my sTIMpulations have not been forgotten. If I conTIMue I may have no material for TIMorrow. However, I esTIMate I will have just about as much. If you don’t believe what you just read is true, just remember this...You say tomato, I say TIMato. TIMMAY!!!!!

Congratulations to Trevor TIMmelman for his Masters Victory over the weekend!!!

So I went into the new Super Wal Mart in Mason a while ago to help curb my fascTIMation with this Goliath. I have been there about 16 TIMes now and have only seen the western corridor, barely making it past the soap and shampoo aisle. And I still got lost, but was embarassed to find a worker to page my mom over the loud speaker....plus she was not with me. They had the old school version of "SweaTIM' to the Oldies" with Richard TIMmons on display right when you walk in the door. I asked a worker if they actually had it on DVD instead of VHS and the dude laughed at me and said "You must be one of those rich RepublicTIMs." Surprised by his bizarre response, I moved on to the next aisle. A half an hour later, almost to the end of my new adventure (aisle 211c) I came across another genius employee from eastern Goshen and asked it if they had the new Ashlee TIMpson CD (she frigg'n rocks). "Nope. Only the cassette." What a disappointment. I forgot to drive my 1986 Chevy TIMpala with AM/FM cassette. After this giganTIM disappointment I TIMmediately left an hour later when I got to the parking lot.

Later that week, when I was on a flight from WashingTIM, D.C. to HousTim, TX (Billy Bob ThornTIM was sitting near me!!) a flight atTIMdant asked me if I wanted sweetener for my coffee. I replied, verbaTIM, "No thanks, I can't have anything with asperTIM in it." When I finished my coffee, I headed to the bathroom to relieve myself. Once inside, I thought to myself "while I'm in here…" I may as well masTIMbate. Only seconds before I was about to erupt, the captain came over the loudspeaker and said "Ladies and gentleman, we are going to have to make an unscheduled stop due to a problem with the alTIMeter." Instantly after hearing this it was like I became TIMpotent and could not git 'er done. Just my luck!!! I would have to go through an emergency landing with blue balls. I returned to my seat and the person sitting next to me asked me "Are you okay? Your TIMperament sure has changed since you got back from the pisser. Don't worry about it – we'll be fine. The AlTIMiter is no big deal." Well, it turns out the guy was right. I gotta give the pilot credit – it was a TIMmaculate landing. As soon as we landed, I went to the terminal bar to get a quick dose of viTIMin J – a cold shot of JagermeisTIM to cure my sympTIMs of anxiety and of course, the blue balls.

This is crazy. When I was on my way to Kroger the other day to buy my One a Day Multi-ViTIMins when I got the call to pick up the stuff that is so embarrassing for us men to buy - TIMpax TIMpons. I was shocked at the checkout line when Louise looked at me and confessed her level of lust for me by saying "I want to bend you over and give you a TIMjob on your recTIM, and I may even make my way up to your scroTIM." I thanked Louise for her flattering comments and proceeded back to my car in amazement that a lady that old would still be into that kind of stuff. Simply TIMazing. When I got in my car, there was an Eric ClapTIM song on the radio, but I switched it back to my A.M. station to listen to Rush TIMbaugh (he used to be addicted to oxyconTIMs). Sean HanniTIM is on right after Rush. I really love listening to conservaTIM talk radio.

I will add at least a snippet once in awhile....the possibilities are unliMITed (see it even works backwards). I have started a phenomenon....Join my revolution. Peace.

TIM = Time Is Money

TIM = The Information Mine

TIM = The Incredible Machine

TIM = The Invisible Man

YOU CAN'T SEE ME...