Tracy
tracy hendricks
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Tracy
Female
31 years old
ELM MOTT, Texas
United States
Last Login: 11/29/2009
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Mood:
Blessed
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Tracy's Interests
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| General | We do alot of things with the kids, movies, bingo, bowling, football, baseball, and whatever else that they want to get involved with. We love our dogs, we go to as many dog shows as we can. | | Music | I mostly listen to country, but around here that is hard to do because everyone else listens to rap...lol | | Movies | We go to a lot of movies. I like comedy, fantasy, and action movies. I'm also a sucker for a chick flick! I loved the movie P.S. I Love. | | Television | I watch so you thank you can dance and american idol...I know...I'm a dork! I love House, Bones and all the CSI shows. | | Books | I love the Harry Potter books, Steven King's Needful Things, and the Count of Monte Cristo. But to be honest I will read anything that I can get my hands on...lol | | Heroes | “The Day I Lost My Inspiration”
It was such a hot and humid May morning and I was not looking forward to taking Aunt Jane out in the heat. On the first of every month I would go to West Rest Haven nursing home to take Aunt Jane to town to go shopping at Wal-Mart and out to eat. This month wasn’t any different, or so it had seemed. As I entered the doorway and passed the Nurse’s station, I got this uneasy feeling that everyone was staring at me. I quickened my steps, trying to hurry to her room. I could not shake this feeling of impending doom that washed over my entire body. As I entered the room there was a nurse standing by her bed talking. The nurse looked up at me, our eyes locked, and I could tell something was wrong. She hurried out of the room.
I approached Aunt Jane very slowly. She could tell immediately that I was worried. “It’s ok baby. I’m just tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night,” She tells me. She was always so worried about everyone else. She wasn’t fooling me. Every month she was always sitting on the side of the bed, dressed and ready to go, when I came to pick her up. But today was different, today I was scarred. Out of the corner of my eye I seen the nurse pop her head in the doorway like she was trying to get my attention. I waited a few long moments and then excused my self to find the bathroom. I looked for the nurse instead. The nurse was waiting for me at the end of the hall. As I approached her the hall seemed to get longer and longer and she seemed to have gotten farther and farther away. And my fear became stronger and stronger. A million thoughts raced through my mind, none of them good.
“Hello Tracy. I really need to talk to you,” the nurse says. Oh my god, the words that I had been dreading sense Aunt Jane had her stroke a few years ago. I felt my knees go weak and my legs turned to Jell-O. My breathing, was I still breathing? I don’t feel so well. What? Is she talking to me? “Tracy, are you ok? Listen, I really need to talk to you. We all love Aunt Jane and I’m not supposed to tell you. I don’t think it will be long,” she says. Won’t be long for what? What is this woman saying to me? Please make it stop. She has to stop talking to me. I can’t, she can’t. This is not happening. “Tracy, are you listening? Do you understand what I am saying to you? I don’t think she will make it through the week. She is just so tired. She may not even be here longer than a day or two,” she paused. “Are you ok? Do you need me to call someone for you?” she asked. I just stood there for what felt like an eternity staring at nothing in particular. Finally I shook my head no.
I started back down the hallway to her room. By the time I had gotten back to her room, my uncle, son, and husband had come in. They had been sitting in the van waiting for us to come out. They decided to come in to see what was taking so long. We stepped out into the hallway while I explained everything to them. I then called my brother and told him to come.
After much thought, I made the decision not to leave her side. I was going to sit in the chair by her bed and enjoy every minute that we had left. My husband and my uncle headed back to the house for a little bit. They needed to get something to eat and to straighten out a few things. My son, Richard, and I sat and enjoyed our time with our hero. Neither of us were willing to let her go. My brother (Dale) and his girlfriend (Jennifer) showed up and joined us in her room. We all sat there and listened to her talk and laughed at her jokes. She knew why we were there, even though no words had been exchanged. All I could do was stare at her, while she talked. I held her hand while my mind drifted to better days and childhood memories that I had shared with this amazing woman. This woman was my foundation; she had molded me into the woman that I had become. Every hard decision that I ever had to make was made with the thoughts of what would Aunt Jane think running through the back of my mind. She helped me be a better person. Don’t get me wrong, I am far from perfect, but with out her I would have turned out much worse.
That wonderful old woman sat there and watched me, knowing the pain that shook me to my very soul. She decided to spare me. “Tracy,” she calls. “Baby, why don’t you run to the store for me and get me some of my candy and a few other things that I need?” she asked. I looked around the room at everyone. I don’t want to go, but how do I say no? This may be the last thing she ever asks me to do for her. “Okay,” I say with a huge lump in my throat and a pain in my heart that can’t be explained.
We all walked out to the car, no one said a word. What could you say? We headed to Wal-Mart and picked up her stuff. I decided to take a quick trip to mom’s to drop Richard off. I didn’t know how I would handle watching her pass. My fear was that I would lose it and be unable to console him. I did not want him to feel what I knew was coming. In my mind if I dropped him off, I would be protecting him. At my mom’s house, I knew there would be a million distractions to keep a kid busy. This drive is taking forever. My mind is drifting. Will we ever get there? We must hurry back. I must be able to say goodbye.
Finally, we arrived at mom’s house. We sent Richard on into the house so that we could talk. My mother and I had never been close, but as soon as I saw her I knew that I needed her. She had come running to me with her arms open wide. She offered the embrace that my heart needed so badly. She knew that I loved her, but she also knew how special Aunt Jane was to me. I stood there still for a moment soaking it in. We were saying our good byes, when the cell phone rang. Everyone looked at me. I froze. An ache ran through me, all the way down to my toes. I answer the phone. The voice I heard caused my heart to stop beating. The words caused it to start beating again with such force that my legs couldn’t hold me. I dropped the phone and lost myself in a wave of emotion. I felt nothing and everything at the same moment. How can I handle this? The voice kept repeating it’s self over and over again. “She is almost gone. You must hurry.”
Everything screeched to a halt, and then restarted in slow motion. I’m not sure how I ended up on the ground. I can’t think my head hurts. I can’t quit crying, my heart hurts. Suddenly I realized that they must have gotten me into the car, because my mind started to focus on the houses that flew past my window. I can’t believe this is happening. She told me that Aunt Jane wouldn’t make it through the week. It has only been a few hours. Is this some kind of cruel joke? It’s not very funny. What? I realized someone was talking to me. “Hold on,” Dale said as we flew down the highway. Cars zoomed by. Our emergency flashers were blinking. I was startled by the sound of the horn. I began to panic when I realized that people wouldn’t move over and let us pass. Do they not see our lights? Can they not hear our horn? I need to be able to say Goodbye. PLEASE MOVE. My panicked moment was interrupted by a heart shattering sound. My cell phone was ringing. I won’t answer it. It kept ringing. I won’t answer it. Why won’t it stop? Slowly, I reached for the phone. My fingers didn’t want to work. I answered it “She’s gone,” are the words I heard. I instantly threw the phone into the floorboard, before I could hear any more. I have to get away from the evil voice on the phone. She lies. I can’t have lost her, not this fast. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I don’t believe it, I won’t believe it. Hurry; please hurry we must get there. I need to say goodbye.
We pulled into the driveway, and they jumped out, ready to run in. I can’t my legs wouldn’t work. My head wouldn’t quit spinning. My heart, my heart was broken and felt as if it would never beat correctly again. I slowly made my way out of the car. I started across the lawn to the front door. I never realized how far it was. Every step seemed harder than the one before it. I reached for the door knob. It felt hot. I entered, everyone is looking at me. Why are they looking at me? I passed the nurses station. Everyone is watching me. I saw the nurse who had been calling. Our eyes met and she quickly looked away. Could she have been telling the truth? I became very panicked and began to run the rest of the way to her room. As I entered the room, I saw people standing everywhere, but my mind couldn’t focus on faces. I pushed through them and ran straight to her side. Something inside me exploded. I dropped straight to my knees as if I had been shot. She is gone. For the first time that day I had no thoughts at all. The only thing I could do at that moment was sit there on my knees and feel. I have never felt so many things at once in my whole life. I cried enough tears to last a life time. I held her hand and cried. After what felt like years of agonizing pain and heartache, I stood. I looked into her face and deep into my heart. Then I did something that I never thought I could. I bent down and kissed my inspiration goodbye.
To this day I regret so much. I regret not being there when her heart beat for the last time. Yet I know that it loves even today. I regret not being there when her soul left her body. Although I know it went to a better place. I regret every spare moment in my life that I wasted, that could have been spent with her before she was gone. However, I spend many of my moments with her still today. The life lesson that I have learned from my greatest loss is that to love hard is to lose even harder. But, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
By Tracy Hendricks |
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Tracy's Details
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| Status: | Married | | Here for: | Friends | | Orientation: | Straight | | Hometown: | Bellmead/Waco | | Body type: | 5' 3" / More to love! | | Ethnicity: | Native American | | Zodiac Sign: | Libra | | Smoke / Drink: | No / No | | Children: | Proud parent | | Education: | Some college |
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Tracy's Schools
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La Vega H S
Waco,TX
Graduated: N/A
Student status: Alumni
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1993 to 1997 |
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Tracy Richard turned 15 on the 16th. Ricky and i have been together 16 years as of the 23rd. I love my family! Posted at 5:48 AM Nov 27 from Mobile
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About me:
Hi my name is Tracy. I am 29 years old. I have been with my wonderful husband, Ricky, for 14 years. We have a great 13 year old son named Richard and a beautiful 1 year old God daughter named Angel. We absolutely love doing things as a family. We go to the park, movies, bowling, local concerts, car shows, skate park, and to the lake. All of us love the water, including our little Angel.
We love to cook. We BBQ on a regular basis and have people over all the time. Any excuse for us to cook and it's on..lol We cook for Xmas, Thanks Giving, Fathers day, mothers day, and anything else we can think of...lol
We also have a couple of Dogs that we take to the shows. Our male Jugernaut is an IOEBA Champion! YEAH GO JUGS!!!
Anything else you want to know just ask... :)
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