Spelunking, freelance organ transplant surgery, kamikaze jet fighter missions, MySpace profile editing, prolonged chair and couch testing, mousetrap-setting, Straight Pride Parades, lunar landings, daffodil planting, imbibement, short walks off long piers, braiding hair, disproving physics theories, tricking children, lightly injuring defenseless animals, trick-or-treating the same house daily, aiding & ebedding, skywriting. Anything involving sarcasm or general silliness. Also alchemy, voodoo, witchcraft, watercraft, Kraft mac & cheese, Craftsman tools, arts & crafts, Art Vandelay impersonation, tomfoolery, nonsense, doctor-assisted suicide, classical suicide, post-modern suicide, feminism, crashing Klan rallies in my Gary Coleman costume, egalitarianism, equality of the species
Music
OLD: Alan Parsons Project, Beatles, Cars, Doors, Eagles, Fleetwood Mac, Genesis, Hall and Oates, INXS, Journey, Kinks, Led Zeppelin, Metallica, Neil Young, OutKast, Pink Floyd, Queen, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Steely Dan, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, U2, Van Morrison, Who, Xzibit, Yes and the Zombies.
NEW: Air, Basement Jaxx, Maria Mena, Morcheeba, Portishead, Zero 7, Thievery Corporation, Weekend Players.
ONE-HIT WONDERS: Ah Ha, Right Said Fred, Sugarloaf. [Songs: "Take on me", "I'm Too Sexy", "Green-Eyed Lady"].
And, of course, Baha Men with "Who Let the Dogs Out?" (a timeless classic) and Afroman with "Because I Got High."
Movies
Movies I can watch over and over again: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Wizard of Oz, Office Space, Dumb and Dumber, Billy Madison, The Matrix, Lord of the Rings (trilogy), Star Wars (the original trilogy, Episodes 4, 5 and 6), the original Indiana Jones trilogy. Also all hardcore Christian pornos.
Television
The Office. The Daily Show. Mystery Science Theater 3000. Flight of the Conchords. Mr. Show with Bob and David. Seinfeld. Da Ali G Show. The Simpsons. Friends.
Books
Fantastic Voyage: How to Live Long Enough to Live Forever. Of course, Harry Potter. Cookbook, phonebook, Facebook... Book 'im, Dano! The Dictionary, Wikipedia, Chronicles of Narnia, A Short History of Nearly Everything (the book on tape on CD version).
Heroes
Mario, Maury Povich, Marilyn Monroe, Roe, Wade, Wade Boggs, Boz Scaggs, Ozzie Osbourne, ZZ Top, Jason Bourne, Jessica Tandy, Brandy, Monica, The Boy, Boy George, George Costanza, Tony Danza, Tony Johnnson, John Sinunu (R, New Hampshire) (...NOT), Don Knotts, Don Henley, Don Juan DeMarco, Polo, Ralph Lauren, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Emerson Lake and Palmer, Palm Treo, Treebeard, Treeman, Manfred Mann, Average White Guy Band, "Band on the Run", Run Ronnie Run, Ronald McDonald, Michael McDonald, Donald Duck, Daffy Duck, The Duck in Duck Hunt, Mike Hunt, York Hunt, York Peppermint Patty, Pattie LaBelle, Belle and Sebastian, 'Bastian, Falcor, Atreyu, The Childlike Empress, Press Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A B A Select Start, Starship, Chippendale's, Monterey Jack, Monty Python, Pythagoras, Regis, and Luigi. And finally: you. Yes, -you- are my hero, for reading this far down in my MySpace profile.
(no need to adjust your vol.)
Tony's Details
Status:
Swinger
Here for:
Serious Relationships
Orientation:
Not Sure
Hometown:
Lake Oswego
Body type:
0' 8" / More to love!
Ethnicity:
Pacific Islander
Religion:
Wiccan
Zodiac Sign:
Leo
Smoke / Drink:
No / Yes
Children:
Expecting
Education:
College graduate
Occupation:
Speedo Inspector
Income:
$250,000 and Higher
Tony needs to find a less prickly bush outside your house. Posted at 9:50 AM Jul 27, 2008 view more
About me: I originally signed up for MySpace because I asked some girls in a bar for their phone number several years back, and they said they would give me their MySpace URL instead. After that, I never turned back. Though, I really should have.
I was born on August 2nd, 1982 (8/2/82 -- one of my few claims to fame). I have no pets. I view it as animal slavery and one day I think it will be abolished. Also I joke around all the time, and it's your job to figure out when. (Hint: all the time). But I do know when to be serious sometimes.
For fun I do lots of stuff --- the ush'. (That's "yooshz" like the first syllable of "usual"). Among my faves include pool, tennis, movies, parties, bars, music, comedy, hiking, camping, swimming, beaching, video games, board games, party games, drinking games, card games, word games, "you better QUIT playing GAMES with my heart!", the Internet, software programming, working on my dashtop carputer, building/fixing computers, using computers.
For money I work with computers and the like.
My best feature is probably my brain; it has helped me through a plethora of quandaries. My least-best features are my toes, and my feet in general.
My best personality trait is steadfastedness. I'm pretty super steadfast. No for realsies it's probably my positive outlook on life. I'm one of those annoying people who is always upbeat and happy. So suck it.
When I was a little kid I thought only mommies and daddies bumped uglies. Then I got a bit older and learned there are many types of "-sexuals": homo, a, bi, tri (they'll "try" anything... har har!). I'm a little different; I'm a quadsexual. No, that doesn't mean I only have sex with quadrilaterals. It means I only have sex with quadriplegics. And I'm a strict quadsexual; I only sleep with double amputees (this is also known as a torsophile). Unfortunately my specific taste in women severely limits the pool of available bachelorettes. But there are some pros to being a quadsexual, from a man's point of view, that is. There's much less cuddling after sex, for instance. (It's hard to cuddle when you have no hands or arms -- you can pretty much only nuzzle or do butterfly kisses -- both of which get pretty old, pretty quickly).
I'm also a helpless romantic. (Don't worry -- the paragraph above was just intended to make sure you're still awake and paying attention).
Religion: none - agnostic. I'm not sure if the ancient Mayans, Incans, Greeks and Romans had the right idea with there being many gods -- or the Christians, Muslims and Jews with the whole one god deal -- or the atheists with no god.
If there is no God, some say, then who or what force created the universe? But that implies that the universe actually was created and had a beginning. Maybe it's been around forever, like Dick Clark. If it HAD to have a beginning and was created by a certain "higher being" (God), then did God need a "beginning," too? Was God created? By another God? Then what about that God? Or maybe -God- has been around forever, like Bob Barker. Then so could the Universe?
Of course this argument has been around forever, too. And why just one God? Wouldn't she/he get tired with all the stuff he/she has to do? That's why having multiple gods would ease the strain of running a universe. One for Earth, one for Wind, one for Fire, etc. Although I guess instead of that you could combine all those powers and have just one Captain Planet.
And why are the options: A) many gods, B) one god, or C) no god? How about exactly -two- gods. If there was only one God, s/he -- okay let's just assume God's a he -- HE would get pretty lonely, and pretty god-damned horny, I'd think. He would have the bluest balls in the universe. And they'd be huge, too. You'd think with balls that gigantic and blue we'd easily be able to see them. Maybe that's why the sky's blue -- God's enormous blue balls are all around us. ...So anyway, God isn't going to create an entire universe and then sit around horny as a field mouse watching us try not to screw it up (failure). And it's not like he can sleep with angels. Angels are beneath him -- they're just really good dead chicks. That's why I think the two-god solution makes the most sense. God and his wife, Goddette.
I may not look it, but I'm lazy and out of shape. I get winded just standing at the microwave waiting for a frozen burrito to cook. Usually I'll stop the microwave with 9 seconds left and just lie down on the kitchen floor to eat the burrito... frozen-solid center and all. I recently bought Wii Fit (oh yeah, I'm in love with my Nintendo Wii -- like hot, passionate, preacher/altar boy sex type of love), so maybe that will get me in shape.
My parents divorced when I was 5 years old. My brother and I moved back and forth living with both parents. When we were about 11 and 12 my mom sent us to anger management, which totally pissed me off. "I don't f*cking need anger management god damnit!" I recall laughing heartily in response, a fit of rage brewing inside me. But I think anger management did me some good, for now I rarely ever get angry or yell.
One more thing -- despite my pink girly MySpace layout, I'm 100% straight. Though I am all for gay rights and gay marriages. I had a gay Big Brother in the Big Brother, Big Sister program when I was a kid. He taught me that Republicans are reverse Robin Hoods (stealing from the poor and giving to the rich), and that rats & mice fall into the vats of Top Ramen when it's being made. The End
The Tubes of You'edness - A Video for the Men:
A Video for the Ladies:
Who I'd like to meet: Is this supposed to be like famous people you would want to meet? Living or dead or both? Or meeting people on MySpace? Or is it open to interpretation. Or am I over analyzing it?
I would like to meet the guy who invented Crystal Pepsi so I could console him.
Here's a short list of people I would like to meet:
Gandhi, Satan, Bob Barker & Dick Clark (what IS their secret?), Keiko, Buddha, Bono, Cher (anyone with just one name really), and Gilligan.
Actually it would probably be Jesus Christ (with a translator), George Carlin, and all at the same time in the same room Bill Gates, Linus Torvalds and Steve Jobs -- so I could watch them jello wrestle.
Each of my Top Friends is meticulously ordered by how good of a person they are:
Yeah Tom Petty ROCKED!! If he comes next year we can all go! Steve Winwood definitely took me to higher love :) I would totally get together with you can Kimberly soon...especially if she has your approval!
