Once upon a time, there was a group of young, intelligent individuals who had a vision; a lofty vision of creating a news and entertainment magazine that would stretch the imagination of its readers. It would contain articles pertaining to the fine arts that would be viewed as art itself. The pages would unfold, releasing unto the world all that was beautiful and good.
Unfortunately, we ran them the fuck over one night in Sky's van after a can of Mountain Dew slipped out of J.T.'s hand and rolled under the brake pedal. I mean, we tried to help and all. Woody was doing what appeared to be some form of CPR on one of the women and Ashley read incantations over another victim, after snipping a locket of hair from them and pinning it to a tiny doll, of course. Betsy was fervently trying to get one of them to sign a real estate contract while John wrapped a tourniquet around the arm of another in the hopes that they wouldn't expire before filling out a write in vote for him to be elected to City Council. Matt rummaged through their pockets, presumably to retrieve their identifications for medical purposes while Sky ran around in circles, screaming that he was blind, when in fact his eye patch had slipped over onto his good eye. Mike took pictures of the whole tableau, which he later had a gallery showing of under the title of “When The Good Have Fallen To The Indifferent” thereby making it quite apparent to everyone that we have culture falling out of our ass.
In memory of those who had given their lives to the front end of a converted Econoline van, we all collectively decided to go forward with “the vision” that these people gave their lives for. After letting ourselves into their offices with the keys that Matt had rifled from their pockets, we reviewed these poor people's life's work...and collectively decided it sucked anal seepage. We tore down all the Ann Geddes and Footprints posters, replacing them with bikini clad babes and Frank Zappa posters. We took the “safe search” off of Google to be able to glean the web uncensored to bring to our readers the things that truly interest them...well, except for porn. I guess there are all sorts of legalities about dissemination of pornography, like compliance with the provisions of Title 18 U.S.C. §2257 and the Fallwell Fornication Act of 1987.
Anyway, pick us up, spread us open and enjoy the riveting content contained therein. If you have a suggestion for a topic, just drop us an e-mail, call us, write a letter or just come on down to the office slathered in baby oil. If you show up at the office slathered in baby oil, however, there is a good chance that you may be laughed at and be pelted by some of the rocks out of Matt's rock collection, but that's a chance you're just going to have to take. If you read the magazine and like us, tell a friend or, better yet, drop us a line to let us know that you appreciate a publication that has such a diversified view of the world. If you have a complaint...well, I'm not sure anyone actually cares what you think, so just keep it to yourself.
Be sure to check us out! We can also be found on the web at TourGreatMiami.com! We'll have story pics up on here soon so keep checking!
